I'm Afraid

I'm afraid,
can't escape,
this type of fate,
they say it’s woven,
my fate is chosen.

I'm afraid,
there's no escape,
it's dark it's blank all of this is whack,
my heart's going black,
I got to do something or face wrath,
that has been burning ash,
through storms and hails,
all of it has disappeared.

I'm afraid,
the heat still resides in me,
it can incinerate by a spark,
light it up and blow apart,
the lies of our past,
that had me falling for you,
all I asked was too much for you.

I'm afraid,
it's my sins,
that has made me grieve,
on my soul and my kin.

I'm afraid,
it's all over,
our paths chosen,
you treat me like a stranger,
it's tough, it's rough,
but I admit,
I'm glad that it's all up.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Here are my thought and concern of this read…

I'm afraid,
can't escape,
this type of fate,
they say it’s woven,
my fate is chosen.

I would just take out the “I” in the second line…not needed here”

I'm afraid,
there's no escape,
it's dark it's blank all of this is whack,

Just a spell change here with “whack”

my heart's going black,
I got to do something or face wrath,

This line can be redone --- a bit longer than the rest

that has been burning ash,
through storms and hails,

Here you want to delete the apostrophes…

all of it has disappeared.
I'm afraid,
the heat still resides in me,

A clarification change here…

it can extinguish by a spark,

You can deplete this and still get you point across…

light it up and blow apart,

again this can be depleted…

the lies of our past,
that had me falling for you,
all I asked too much for you.

Again here…you can deplete this…

I'm afraid,
it's my sins,
that has made me grieve,

Take out “a”

on my soul and my kin.
I'm afraid,
it's all over,
our paths chose,

Another area of concern…

you treat me like a stranger,
it's tough, it's rough,

Add a comma here…

but I admit,
I'm glad it's all up.

Delete the word “that”

Over-all the voice and the plot is spoken out to the audience...this needs a fine tune adjustment…and the verse will be crispy and give the feel you want with the reader…the focus of the rhyme was a bit much…I believe you can do this better and show us more with less and have the appeal to the whole write…

I'm afraid,
can't escape,
this type of fate,
they say it’s woven,
my fate is chosen.

I'm afraid,
there's no escape,
it's dark it's blank all of this is whack,
my heart's going black,
I got to do something or face wrath,
that has been burning ash,
through storms and hails,
all of it has disappeared.

I'm afraid,
the heat still resides in me,
it can extinguish by a spark,
light it up and blow apart,
the lies of our past,
that had me falling for you,
all I asked too much for you.

I'm afraid,
it's my sins,
that has made me grieve,
on my soul and my kin.

I'm afraid,
it's all over,
our paths chose,
you treat me like a stranger,
it's tough, it's rough,
but I admit,
I'm glad that it's all up.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Been there, too. Tragic heartache, right? I love how how you ended this poem with such a positive note.