Office Without a View

This is a look at the hell that is my job...literally.

 

 

 

Sarriel looked at the files on his desk. Today he had a new charge. This one was here for various wrong doings in the area of excess; drugs, food, sex, religion, it didn't matter, they all ended up here. At least their files did. Sarriel was a clerk of assessment and recommendation, in the department of excesses (formerly called the department of gluttony and later changed due to the word becoming passe'). But Sarriel liked gluttony. The word was straight forward and easy to understand. Hell's legal attendants would argue that the word did not adequately convey the charges for which individuals where damned, because most souls perceived gluttony as pertaining only to the action of eating, while excess was more universal. Sarriel didn't quite get what the big deal was.

with a lazy sigh, Sarriel jabbed his pen tip into the bloody face, shaped like a bowl, that sat on his desk, and wrote his recommendations on the file. "subject has lead a life of self victimization. It is recommended that rehabilitation should consist of urging the subject to cater to the needs of others... for eternity," Sarriel was no longer sure why he even bothered to write eternity. As if anything would have been recommended.

Sarriel spaced out looking at the human soul, molded into a clock, that told him he wasn't getting off anytime soon, remembering his motivational poster that assured him "if nobody worked the bellows, hell would freeze over."

"Hey, Afraim," he called over his cubicle wall, where he heard a repetitive bumping, " what are you doing."

"Working," came the casual voice of the demon.

Afraim was actually bouncing a crusher, a ball made from the soul's of the slothful, against the wall of his cubicle. It had something to do with idleness. Sarriel slid his chair in behind Afraim.

"What the hell are we doing here?"

"Well, if the pain monster comes around, I'm working."

"That's not what I mean, when I came down here, I thought we were gonna fashion a new destiny for ourselves. All Lucifer ever talked about anyway. So when he marched against ... the throne, I was right there next to him."

"Next to him?" Afraim was considering a heap of lint that he had pulled from his belly button, "nobody marched next to The Light Bringer, he was out in front the whole time, ahead of all of us."

"You know what I mean, at least I was in rank, and I pushed to the front, you might not have seen that from the back."

"Hey, I provided a pivotal support function... I served as the back end of the bell curve, and made all of you look much more fierce."

"Whatever," Sarriel primmed his horns, "what I'm saying is that we came down here to be master's of our own destinies..."

"I came down so I didn't have to deal with all the singing," said Afraim.

Sarriel shook his head, "look at where we are, all I do, all day, is recommend standardized punishments for the damned, why the hell am I doing this."

"Page thirsty one thousand, four hundred and eighty-two of the department handbook," Afraim announced with as much pride as could be mustered without any effort, "'by punishment we extract vital energy from the sinner.' We have to keep this place running," Afraim chucked the crusher, it hit a jagged spike on the lip of the cubicle wall and stuck there. It let out a quiet scream.

"Ouch," laughed Afraim, "that has to hurt."

"I'm not even a demon of Gluttony..."

"Excess," reminded Afraim.

"You know I've never even been to earth, and everyday I have to hear about these guys who are up there everyday."

"Like who," asked Afraim, getting his crusher down.

"You know, the demons up there," Sarriel pointed to the ceiling, "fighting the fight, encouraging sin; getting to sin. Everyday they get paid to do what I MIGHT be able to do for two weeks, if i can afford it. Which I can't," Sarriel let out a deep sigh, "how did they get that hook-up?"

Afraim shrugged his shoulders and tried to spin the crusher on the tip of one of his talons, "Luck I guess. Right place, right time, probably knew the right demons too."

Sarriel shook his head, "yeah, and I'm stuck here, you know I got passed up for promotion again," Sarriel waited for Afraim to nod, "I work just as hard as anyone here, I work harder than you," Sarriel jabbed a finger at the flab around his belly, considering how out of shape being at this job was making him "Anyway, I have to get back to work."

"K," Afraim shook the absent stare from his face, "you gonna be okay?"
"I'll be fine, it just feels like I'm never gonna get out of here," Sarriel slid back to his cubicle.

As he got back to his desk he heard Afraim mutter, "Isn't that the point."

 

 

 

Author's Note

This was an early attempt at satire... actually my only attempt so far.

Reviews

[LJW]

Loved this.

I am sure by now Lucifer has outsourced the delivery of his various retributions. It is fitting he chose to do this to office workers in cubicles. :-)

[Prodigo]

You have excellent story telling. Better transitions are my only recommendation, everything else is spot on. The words are written so that it is readable by everyone, including readers who have no knowledge of demons and hell could easily understand the plot. The character names fit, and the irony of the story is hilarious. Enthralling my friend.