Why couldn't I die

I can't even find refuge in my sleep I am plagued by nightmares 

each one more terrifying than the last

My first dream was prison

my second was being chased by zombies

and everyone around me was dying

and I couldn't die

why couldn't I die?!

I remember once

during one of my episodes

I self harmed pretty bad

when I say the bath water was deep brown and red

and when I rested my arm for a moment

in the side of the tub

the blood ran down

and I spent half an hour cleaning up the blood with a rag

blood takes forever to dispose of

I kept cutting deeper asking myself

why?

Why was I holding back, after everything I'd done

after everything they'd said

after everything that had happened...

I guess even my sleeping mind wondered what I had asked all along.

Reviews

[Correspondence]

I feel for you. Whether or not this piece of writing is based on experiences, I can say this is me. I am sorry, this is so powerful. Stay alive friend, ~Correspondence