Midnight Blues

I lie in bed, awake and unable to shake that unbearable feeling of loneliness.

I lie in bed counting the minutes…hours go by...

I am conscious of the moonlight glare invading my room through the window, casting shadows that remind me of monsters in scary films.

The kind of monsters that creep at you slowly, discreetly, seemingly harmless… only to find they are the most dangerous and vicious of all.

I lie awake… painfully aware of the whirring of the fan and the gusts of wind marking time over my skin...of the quiet ticking of the clock, emphasizing the eternalness of time and the transience of life. I lie awake seeing myself as I truly am: imperfect, raw, vulnerable, weak, strong, afraid, and mortal.

I lie in bed feeling isolated as if I were an undiscovered island, waiting to be found, waiting to reconnect with civilization just like everybody else.

I lie in bed wondering, as the time passes me by, why I feel the way I do. There in bed, I lay waiting to be overcome by the tranquility that sleep brings.

One, two, three, four sheep. My eyes get heavier, and my mind starts to quiet down just as the rustling sounds and moonlight glare fade into a distance. Then,

I am at peace.

Author's Note

Tell me what you think? I don't think it's really poetry more of just prose.

Reviews

[LawrenceRaybon]

Nice free verse poem! As an insomniac (currently reviewing this after 1 am) I can relate to what you are saying here. I think this is a poem just waiting to be formatted, there are some really nice natural breaks you could use to pump more power into this. Looking at the first parts you have, I would separate each line into a stanza like so:

I lie in bed,
awake and unable to shake
that unbearable feeling of loneliness.

I lie in bed,
counting the minutes...
hours go by...

I am conscious
of the moonlight glare invading my room through the window
casting shadows that remind me of monsters in scary films.

The kind of monsters that creep at you
slowly, discreetly, seemingly harmless...
only to find they are the most dangerous and vicious of all.

You can pretty much do this with the rest of the piece. Each stanza a thought. Once you have it broken up you can make sure it flows like you want and voila, a perfectly pretty poem!

One other thing... I would change 'moonlight' at the beginning and end to 'moonlit'. Moonlit just feels better to me.

Again, nice poem, I look forward to reading the rewrite!

Cheers,
Lawrence
Constructive Critics Group


***Standard Disclaimer: These are my honest opinions and they are absolutely not meant as any kind of attack. I only comment on work that I think is good and only offer advice so that we can all become better writers. You are always free/welcome to heed or disregard my opinions/advice!***

[...]

very nice record it self . thoughts where take next life spot. wish find peace at the life. i like positive end. words make strong stuff. i really love wish all the best to you

[Madalyn Beck]

I really enjoyed this one! It made me feel like I was laying in bed, my mind rushing with everything that is going on around me, evading sleep... Until finally it takes me. Great write! (:

[melissa]

This is amazing poem keep up the great work and keep them coming

[Konigin]

I really liked this. A lot. It sounds like me most nights. Great read, Awesome pen! :)