Dreams of hope and despair

I’ve been having dreams.

Not those bizarre ones which

Strike false. One of those where

A girl, her eyes like the stars,

Glares deep into my soul,

Finding my teeth and fist

Unclenched. 

My allegiance to you it seems

Has never withered.

A while since I’ve had

One of those nightmares,

Those where my stomach

Finds a knife in it, dripping

Crimson. The power these ugly

Nightmares fill me with

Disturbs me. I self isolate, hoping

Against hope that I won’t spread

Like the disease I am.

I’m doing this for us.

You can never trust me,

I’m foreign to you, unable

To resonate within even

myself.

I don’t know if I can stand

Losing you, even though you

Disapparated away from me

Nearly a half year ago.

You’ve stayed who you are

In my eyes after they close, reborn

When I open my eyes again, 

though I continue

To decay, before my own very soul,

Manifesting outwards into

Self deprecating insecurity.

Author's Note

Does the title work? Does this work come across in some way to you?

Reviews

[Papaya]

The title works and the poem has many relatable parts. The insecurity is felt by the reader.
And the fear of losing someone is palpable. I love the line about "allegiance to you". It expresses love and loyalty but the speaker beats themselves up over their seemingly toxic red flag faults.
Anyway, just my thoughts. ⭐

[Tumi]

this poem touches my emotion great work
i must commend

[mou]

It seems some real anguish and love are speaking here.
The lines
'You’ve stayed who you are/ My allegiance to you it seems
Has never withered '
Or
'I’m foreign to you, unable
To resonate within even
myself'
- only some real days can speak like these. Beautiful and poignant write!
- mou