March, little one

I heard a song and felt inspired to write what came to me.

Feet stamp the soft earth

Wet grass lit aflame

With the dreams of it’s

Children. Heretics of

empty dreams promised,

Forming new dreams

From the ashes of dashed

hope.

Author's Note

Converse with me about feelings, ideas, anything this inspires you or doesn't inspire you to write. Thanks.

Reviews

[Thomas W Case]

Powerful work. Abstract vision.

[JayG]

• Feet stamp the soft earth Wet grass lit aflame

Okay, I give up. How do feet stamping the earth somehow set wet grass, which doesn’t burn, aflame?

My point is that the reader, at this point, has expectations that what follows will clarify. And, at this point, they believe that the grass is actually burning. So this wasn’t a good place to drop in a return. Remember, we can't retroactively remove confusion.

• With the dreams of it’s Children.

Edit, edit, edit. It’s “its.” Punctuation matters, and makes the difference between: "It’s time to eat, Grandma," and, "it’s time to eat Grandma."

But that aside, grass has Children? Naaa.

I’m certain that you have intent for the meaning the reader is to take, but our intent doesn’t make the page — which means it must be provided as part of the narrative.

• Heretics of empty dreams promised,

Ummm... who would promise an empty dream? Who would want one, knowing that it was empty (whatever that means)?

In the Gilbert and Sullivan Show, Patience, Bunthorn is a poet whose rhymes are deliberately convoluted, in an attempt to seem deep. Here’s the first verse of his OH, HOLLOW! HOLLOW! HOLLOW!

What time the poet hath hymned

The writhing maid, lithe-limbed,

Quivering on amaranthine asphodel,

How can he paint her woes,

Knowing, as well he knows,

That all can be set right with calomel?

But even he admitted to it doing it deliberately, in song:

If you're anxious for to shine
in the high sthetic line
as a man of culture rare,
You must get up all the germs
of the transcendental terms,
and plant them everywhere.

You must lie upon the daisies
and discourse in novel phrases
of your complicated state of mind,
The meaning doesn't matter
if it's only idle chatter
of a transcendental kind.

And every one will say,
As you walk your mystic way,
"If this young man expresses himself
in terms too deep for me,
Why, what a very singularly deep young man
this deep young man must be!"

(there are other verses, along the same line)
----------------
You can hear the entire song performed by the brilliant, Michael Ball, if you follow the link below.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu_Xk_Vl6fk

My point is that having inspiration and desire is only part of what you need if the reader is to get your message intact. Poetry is a field that has been under refinement for centuries. And as Wilson Mizner puts it, “If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.” So a bit of research can make the writing easier, more effective, and, more fun for both the author and the reader.

For unstructured poetry, Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook, is a great way to begin. It's filled with unexpected gems, and things that will have you saying, “But that’s so obvious. How can I not have noticed it, myself?” You can download a readable copy from the site below.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

And for structured poetry, her, Rules For the Dance is excellent — though a good free introduction to the elements of such poetry and, the flow of words in general, can be found in the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. It's something I recommend to all writers.

So, I know this was a lot, and certainly not what you were hoping for. But though we don’t realize it, we learn none of the necessary skills of poetry in school, or, even that those skills exist, So, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

[iTryToWriteAllTheTime]

You are certainly at least a tad bit grumpy. Thank you for your feedback.