The Pre-colorful Period

I describe the kind of life I had before I chose otherwise, not going to the university, and follow the child heart Inside of me

I remember having no special emotion when I first graduated from the high school, for I used to hate school, and had no clear idea about what a normal happy life should look like!

I remember my family happy instead of me, having ambitions to go to the university and get a degree there, but what sticks at my memory the most is the sadness I saw in my father's eye, and the despair in his gesture, as I told him I will never go get that degree.. He saw me as a poor lost thing back then..

Perhaps true because, I had no idea what to do with my life, I was under stress because I hated to go to the university, and start another "into the box life" again!

I had dreams, that I couldn't just see falingl apart, and just walk away in another strict routine..

That wasn't me, and that was the only clear thing I knew about myself..

I used to read a lot, and I loved the way the books could make us dream, and think, in a society, ideas are just a failure, thinking may be a sin, and dreams are like the most expensive chocolates in the big cities markets!

I hated to see myself drawn with people, and sweat, whining about politics and nonesense.

I've always been lonely, since I had nobody to share with what I really tought, i started writing, for I saw it an opportunity to get a better life..

Perhaps I had nobody to hang with, because mom had nobody too, mom says that there is not a real good person out there, as we raised in a conservative religious family, a muslim family..

So, I just did not have so many freinds to play with as a child, and in school I did not really liked the other girls, boys were stupid, and I just felt so good by myself

Truth to be said, I was also uncomfortable in my own skin, not happy about my appearance, and the way I used to dress, that all started as I grown up to be a teenage, I experienced a really difficult period then, and the part I hate the most in the story is people saying that I was a good girl, a brilliant student, and a well behaved person.. for there were many ruined things in my life that I knew nothing about, so many things, abstract for the most, holding me back for being what I should be.. for there were no hope out there!

I did not know who I really was, I just was shy, naive, and had no clear purpose, screw what people kept saying about me, I was just lost, and unhappy..

The happy part in my past was that something inside me that never gave up on persisting to go out, claiming right to life

The ignorance, of what this thing was, and the fear of chosing otherwise, also the blindness caused by people beliefs, held me back; but Embracing the uncertainity was still kind of me...

Author's Note

I usualy write in arabic, so please tell me is there Something you could reach while reading me?
Do you think I should be more precise while describing events, knowing that it is just the beggining of a kind of a long story ?

Reviews

[Naomi Wicks]

As an opening this is wonderful. At first glance the main character is someone I know I can relate to and thoughtful, and I want to know more about them. Your voice is crisp, clear and the thought process is spaced nicely with your paragraphing. I'm English and I found no fault with your writing - I wouldn't have known it wasn't your first language! I'm so impressed!
I'm looking forward to your second chapter a lot, you've got serious talent for this!

[NotUsinganymore]

Very nice opening. It kind of brings you into the story better and great thoughts. I didn't really see mistakes, but that might be cause English isn't my first language.

[Agar]

Thank you! I'm glad you like it.. mm well it isn't my first language too :)