Rantings

My look on things in the world. Mostly just ranting.

You want to create something? You want to throw all of your emotions into something that will turn out beautiful? You want to just write down the stuff that comes up in your mind?

Yeah... I know... So do I.

Life is hard. Most people know this and it isn't often that we feel this way, but almost everyone feels like this or similar to this in their life. People often talk about religion and God or Gods and how they see the world. Well, my vision is kinda different from what most people think.

I stopped believing in God for some time now. Now I mean the whole Christian God, probably the Jewish God and even Allah. Do I believe in something? Yes. Do I believe in that there is something after dead. Kinda. I'm not totally sure, but who is? Oh yeah, people who totally sucked up in their faith because of their s****y lives or extremists... I'm not of those people and I don't hell as don't want to be.

Back to religion. My belief is similar to Spiritualism. That means I do believe that ghosts live on this planet. Have I ever seen one? No. Have I experienced some kind of paranormal experience. Yes. Rather, if I watch a self-made movie of things that are moving, I can tell if it's real or not. Well, I experienced that in the past. Most of the time it scares the s**t out of me and I'm not the person who likes that kind of feelings, so I haven't watched any for the... I don't know... five to eight years?

I also took part in a meditation group in the past. I'm almost thirty to be clear. Yes, my writings right now are more fitted to some kind of teenager. This type of writing is what I like right now. If you're wondering if I'm going through a rough time. Well, yes... In my eyes, I am.

But I'm getting off track again. So I meditated with a group of women in the village my parents live. It was the time where I fully trusted my guardian angel and all the signs the beings of what I call 'the other world'. We drank tea together, we focused on positive things and we tried to rid our bodies of negative energies. I was also trying to find my way in life.

As you're probably guessing right now, I'm not really doing something with my whole spirituality. Yes, I draw energy from my surroundings, which sounds way cooler and effective than it actually is and I can open several of my chakras at will. Can I do anything with that? Not really. It can improve my gut feelings and my instincts about things, but most of the time it only lasts for a short while and sometimes it doesn't work. Cool, huh? Not really. Oh yeah, I meditate once in a while when I'm really stressed out and absolutely don't know how to calm down. It's a last resort kind of thing.

Well, you're probably wondering why I'm not meditating anymore. We're getting there. While I was with this group, the angels or beings or whatever the things are that gives us the visions when we meditate like that, they showed me a truly happy place. I was searching for a study that could guide to work that suits me. Well, I guess I was still looking for my dream job.

Turns out that doesn't exist for me. I was shown positivity and green light for the the study I was interested at the time. I never did that study. During the intake I sat around with two ladies, together with my mother. We argued why I wanted to do that study. They didn't open me with open arms. They pushed me away. They made me doubt my choice. In the end, I didn't start there. It was probably for the best. The following year I focused my attention on finding a right study for me, who emphasized my strong points and where my weak points wouldn't let me fail. Eventually I found it and I finished it. I'm really happy I did. It wasn't easy and I learned a lot. I even learned more about myself than I already did.

But that's besides the point. The point is that I felt betrayed. Yes, it was necessary that would hit a brick wall so that I let go of my delusions and of finding a dream job. Still, my trust was broken. That's why I don't meditate anymore. Because the images and visions I see... I don't know if I can trust them.

I still sometimes talk with my guardian angel. He/she/it doesn't always answer and I don't always believe the answers to be true. I sometimes meditate, but it isn't like before.

You see, the almighty God doesn't exist. There is no omnipotent power or higher being or something like that.

There is however, another world existing right besides us. The guardian angels guiding me are part of it. They want to see you grow and they wish for your happiness, but they also guide you through times and things that are hard as hell. Yeah, you come out stronger than before. Yeah, you've learned a lot of things after those experiences, but it's no happy go lucky route.

These other beings need us. They coexist with our world, but it's fundamentally different from us. Our worlds influence each other. Only people with strong paranormal senses can communicate with them and it is often said that the ones they are communicating with are from the world of the dead.

However, just as there are beings that try to help you, there are beings living there that have the opposite planned. They feed on negative emotions and with some people, like myself, drugs can break down our barriers which is I think linked with our aura, so that they can more easily feed on those negative emotions. I don't really mean that sucks you dry or anything like that. No, they amplify those emotions or make you suddenly see or sense things which will make you freak out.

I know, it sounds vague and I don't know the exact details even when this is my whole perception of that world. I haven't fully grasped it. I often think logically and my way of thinking can provide an image which is inaccurate or just lacking. I don't care, it's my view on those things.

Well, that's my look on religion. I'm not saying others are wrong and that I'm right. I'm just sharing my view on that topic. There is always yin and yang. God and the Devil are no separate beings. They are the same entity. Life is about balance. There is never a single line, there is always a wave in which things are turning the right way before a wave comes where things aren't going the way you wanted and that means going through a hard time. I'm in that last wave right now. Don't know how long that one is going to last. Probably at least for the rest of the year. Lucky me. 2017 isn't my year.

Then we have humans. Oh, I have a love-hate relationship with humanity. Sure, I love humans. I love my friends and family and I'm actually working in a sector who tries to help people, although I do it in the shadows more than actively helping people. I'm working in a laboratory if you're wondering.

However, I hate how humans are and the true essence of humanity. You see, humanity cannot live without war. War is a horrible thing that I never want to experience. There will always be humans that are too greedy and want more than they have. That means taking it from others. On a higher scale, that often means war.

Humanity's inventions and thriving often means destroying and damaging its environment. I love all of the technological advancements and several of my hobbies are possible because of it, but it does harm the planet itself.

Let's face it, there are way too many people living on this planet. We invent things so we can keep on growing and keep on prospering, but the growth doesn't stop. One day, it will go wrong. We all know that deep inside, but almost everyone is used to the way of living the way we do that we cannot live, or do not know to live, in a different way. I used to hate humanity for that and I still do. I used to hate myself for that. I guess I still haven't fully come to terms with it.

I don't watch the news. I don't read the newspaper. I don't follow the latest gossips. Most of it is negative and depressing and it influences how I feel. So I stopped doing that. I'm the weak human who is content with living his own life. Even if that means that other people will suffer because of it. Even if that means people will die because of it. Even if it means that I might have the power to make the difference, I won't do that. We all don't and won't. We are all weak and we have accepted that.

I'm out of words. I'm out of things to say. I'm glad I put them on paper though. Even it's a little, it helped me. So, if you read these rantings, do with them what you want. Discuss them, ignore them or think about things. Do with it what you want.

Just don't forget. It's your life. Try to live your own life and find your own happiness. As long if it doesn't harm someone else, just do what makes you happy.

Author's Note

If you lose interest, just read the last part of the story. It's a message I want to pass along to everyone.