saving each other

A short story that I had written about seven years ago. A boy sits in the park with a girl he just met who keeps asking him questions. His soul is empty, his voice monotone.

“Do you want to be alone?” she asked me. All I could see at that moment was the pity in her eyes. I almost got angry, but it slipped away.

“I’m used to it. I’m always alone.” That was my only answer.

“Don’t you feel sad sometimes?” She kept asking questions. She had been doing that the whole night. She saw me sitting in the park while I was dreaming of a faraway place that didn’t exist. For what unknown reason she might have had, she suddenly sat next to me. The whole evening she had been asking questions about me, what kind of person I was, what my hobby’s were, what I did for a living. All those questions I answered, yet she kept on asking questions. I was surprised at the amount of questions. For some reason I’m well known around here. People say it because of the way I act.

“I don’t know how to feel sadness anymore. I've been alone so long now, I can’t feel emotions anymore. Haven’t you heard what they call me around here?” She didn’t answer my question. She just sat there and kept staring at me. I felt obliged to answer my own question. “I’m The Robot. The person who doesn’t show any emotion. The person won’t do anything out of his own unless you ask him to do something. The person who doesn’t have any friends, because robots don’t have friends. They just exist. They have no soul. That’s what I’m called around here!” For a reason unknown to myself I really got upset while telling that story. I had stood up as well. The anger I felt before was back and I could feel that my heart was beating faster then when I was talking to other people, but as soon as I realised I was angry my body pushed my anger away, making me feel empty inside. Yes, empty… That was how I always felt. I heard myself laugh at myself, that emoticon was gone as soon as I sat down. My heartbeat was back to normal as well.

“I know what you are called. I don’t believe them. Do you believe them? Do you believe that you are The Robot?”

“It doesn’t matter what I believe. They’re just words anyway. The name The Robot is more popular than my own name. I bet you don’t even know my name.” My voice was back to normal. I was speaking like computer again, but even less funny than that. Just a boring monotone voice that makes people fall asleep after they hear it five minutes.

“No, I don’t know your name. What IS your name?” I looked at her like she just told me she wanted to go out with me. Yes, I looked surprised. Surprised, not shocked. Somehow a warm feeling was coming to my heart. It was nice to hear to anyone was interested in me. Not The Robot, but the real me.

“My name is Ronald. What’s your name?”

“My name is Melany. Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you.” I wanted to shake her hand, but instead she kissed it. Now I was really startled, but it made a smile apear on my face. I hadn’t known that kind of sillyness for years. Memories came to my head. Memories of days filled with joy. Joy which was ripped away from my life. If I would count the days were I was happy, I would be able to remember only five. The smiled I had on my face disappeared immediatly.

I looked in her eyes again. Her eyes were pure blue. Eyes that could pierce your soul when you looked into them. I saw nothing of the pity I saw earlier. The only thing I saw was sadness. A deep sadness that wasn’t my own, but hers. I almost saw a tear appearing in one of her eyes.

“May I ask you a question now?” This time my voice wasn’t empty like always. There was a little bit of my soul in it. She just slightly nodded. “Why did you sit next to me and asked me all those questions?”

“Because there was a deep sadness in your eyes that I recognised. A sadness similar that what I see every time I look in the mirror.” Her smile had vanished. She had been smiling the whole time, but it wasn’t there anymore. Now there was less soul in HER voice. Now there were tears in her eyes. Before I knew what I was doing I wiped them away with my finger.

Then she started talking. Her voice was shaking the whole time and tears were rolling from her eyes the whole time. She told me that this night she had left home with the sole intention to say goodbye to this world. She wanted to visit the beautiful places of her home town before she went to sleep. She told me of all the places where she had been too. I recognized some of them, but most of them I didn’t know of. The final place she went to was this park. That’s when she saw me sitting there, staring at the sky.

“I knew that my own soul couldn’t be saved anymore, so I wanted to save someone else his soul. That way not both of the souls would fly into the heavens.”

“You didn’t mean to…”

“Commit suicide?” She finished my sentense before I had the chance to. “Yes… I’m sick of this life. Not of life itself, but of this life. I’m not going to answer why if you want to ask me that.” I didn’t ask her. I wanted to, but I didn’t. Instead I just unfolded my arm, put them around her like they were wings and pulled her body to my own. It was the first time in my life that I ever hugged someone out of my own. Her tears went flowing again as so did mine. I cried all the sadness, all the hate and all the loniless out of my body. We sat there what seemed to be hours. Slowly our hearts were filled with warmth and love again. “Can I sleep at your place?” She asked. “I don’t want to go home this night.”

“That’s okay with me. It’s not like there is someone waiting for me.”That night we had saved each other. Since that night we slowly started to enjoy life again. We wanted to fight again. Ever since that night I have loved that girl.

Author's Note

Have you ever felt that desperate in your life before?