Chapter Four: Drifting Ashore

Sorry it's late, I completely forgot to update yesterday. Hope this makes somebody's Tuesday better, at least!

I find myself awake before dawn. Something feels off, but I can’t place what. I have a sneaking suspicion it has something to do with Callista.

I use a bit of kelp to tie up my hair; it gets terribly tangled when I go to the surface if I don’t. Nobody really likes to get up before the sun rises, it’s not really natural for sirens to want to be up during the day but we have to for food.

It wasn’t easy to sneak out of the house, but I couldn’t stay there. I need to go out and see if Callista is still okay. I can’t explain why I need to know, but I do. Maybe I just don’t want to have wasted all that effort to have her just die in the first three days.

I watch as the water around me lightens a bit as I ascend. The sun will rise soon. I find the little necklace and snatch a few fish, quickly biting through their spines to make sure they won’t flop all over the place.

The light filters through in rays, the surface always looks beautiful from below, none of the cruelty really shows through. Humans have destroyed so much, but at least their destructive ways are limited down here. I have no reason to hurry, nothing special is going on today.

I make it to the surface, fish and necklace in my hands. The shore isn’t that far away, but it feels like a lifetime before I reach the beach. It’s quite cloudy, that’s unusual for Kytheria.

Dragging myself on the beach is as gritty as ever, and I have to grit my teeth as I grind my hands into the sand. At last I make it far enough so that I can speak to Callista, that is, if she even comes to the beach at all.

I wait for a while, hoping to maybe see movement that might be her, or a flash of her soft brown eyes. I have to hope she hasn’t died yet, even though I know I should be hoping for the opposite. If I was a true siren, I would have let her drown when I first saw her. So why, why do I want her to live, even if it means my death.

I stare up at the clouds, as if they have answers to all my problems. Not even the Echoes had solutions that didn’t result in one of us dying. Honestly, I couldn’t see how pitiful my Thanariel was. She never even had a chance in our world. Elyselle’s words flash through my mind. It’s true, Callista doesn’t even stand a chance, she’s too fragile. The fact is that I could shatter her bones with my teeth. Yet I still loved her. I knew, the moment I saw her up close, that I would do anything to protect her. It’s silly, but she told me that sometimes, people just know they belong together the moment they see each other. Sometimes they just click like that. She had said.

Oh, Elyselle, I wish I could take your advice and just drag her under. Even if she hates me, maybe that could be her way out of a life filled with fear and pain.

She was scared of me when she woke up, maybe this click is one-sided, maybe she hates me. I hope she’s not just tolerating me to get her next meal. I can’t stand the thought that she’s that scared of me.

Don’t think of her as a person. As hard as it is, you need to drown her before it’s far too late for you. I don’t want another to join me in the exact same situation as me. Save yourself before it’s too late. I’m sorry, Elyselle. You were my friend before this. As much as I know you’re right, I can’t do it. I know I have to, eventually I’ll get too careless and somebody will find out, or they’ll find her on the shore, or in the water while she bathes.

The thought of her naked brings a blush to my face, she must be beautiful, even if she’s covered in scars. She was chained to the deck on a slave ship, after all.

Just as I’m starting to clear my mind of these thoughts, I hear three words.

“Are you alone?” She calls out the question. She’s here! No, I shouldn’t be excited about this, I’m a siren, she’s a human. Siren’s don’t fall in love, not real ones anyways.

“Yes.” One word is enough for her to exit the forest. She looks like the last day and a half have really taken a toll. Her eyes have bags under them, dark and sunken, her nose is red, I’ve heard that’s a sign of crying.

“You’re back.” She says it as if she believed I would let her starve, as if I would leave her without the resources I provide.

“I couldn’t just leave you without food.” I lift up the necklace. “I, uh, found this in some of the wreckage, I thought you might like it.” I search her face for a positive reaction, but all I see is surprise, as though she’s unsure as to how I’m holding it.

“That necklace… it’s…” Her face is all shock. She puts out her hand, palm up. I set it gently in her hand. She then proceeds to open it. Now it’s my turn to be surprised, I didn’t know necklaces could do that. Her face falls a little.

“I don’t know why I thought the drawing would’ve survived so long underwater.” She looks me in the eyes. Soft, brown, grateful, it’s bittersweet, because she looks like she’s about to cry.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” I reach up and wipe her tears away. They’ve hurt us, and I can’t explain why I felt so drawn to her. Thanariel was soft and beautiful. She was called to my song in a way that nobody else was, no other human could just sway to it, it was as if it resonated with her soul. That’s what Elyselle said about her lover. How could that possibly be true? Humans are always coming to us, willingly throwing themselves into the water, into their deaths, the moment they hear our songs.

“No, it’s okay, these are good tears. This belonged to my mother. I guess I had expected the drawing to last, even though it was underwater. Thank you.” I try to commit her face to my memory in this moment. It’s so soft, she’s not upset with me. And even though there are tears in her eyes, she’s happy with me. She’s grateful I brought her something that belonged to her parents.

“Oh.” I didn’t know there was such a thing as good tears. Humans can cry when they’re happy? Sirens don’t cry. The mantra I was raised by, the mantra every siren in this Chorus was raised by. Some of the littles in their really early years would almost cry because of human children on the ships we sank. They’d almost cry because they felt sorry for the small humans, who looked so much like them.

“I see you’ve brought me more food…” Her happiness fades quickly, as though she’s just remembered that she has no way to leave this island. “I don’t even recognize that fish, are you sure it’s edible?” I tilt my head.

“There are fish that humans can’t eat?” It’s baffling, they aren’t really durable, but humans survive so much. I’m not even sure how they do it.

“Yes, there aren’t many that we can’t eat, but there are some. Didn’t you know that?” She looks just as confused as I feel.

“No, I don’t eat fish, how am I supposed to know? Sirens don’t do experiments on humans to see what they can and can’t eat.” My eyebrows knit together. How baffling she is.

“Really?” She pauses for a moment “Wait, yeah I guess that makes sense.” She laughs for a few moments, it’s like a melody created by Apollo himself. Carved out of comfort, my shoulders ease at the sound.

“Sometimes you really confuse me.” I take in her face again, there’s evidence that she knows what it is to be hungry. The way her cheekbones are a bit too prominent, I want to fix that. Stop bringing her sustenance. If you’re lucky, she’ll die on her own and you won’t have to see it. I don’t want her to die, regardless of my role in her death.

“Yeah, you confuse me too. I mean, I thought sirens just killed humans with no regard for their lives, but you… you saved me.” She looks directly at me. “Why?”

“I… I don’t know. I saw you, chained to that deck, and I knew that I had to. I thought you’d enchanted me somehow. That maybe you’d broken me somehow, that, because of you, I was no longer a true siren.” She’s broken you, made you unwhole, you have to be rid of her to make yourself whole again. I can’t do that.

“How would I have enchanted you?”

“I don’t know.”

We stayed silent like that for a while. It was comfortable, as though I’ve known her for millenia. Finally, she breaks the silence.

“Have other humans enchanted sirens before?” I know what she means. Have other sirens saved a human before? I stay quiet for a moment before replying.

“Yes. Elyselle fell for a human’s trickery.” I stare at the horizon. I don’t know when, but at some point I had turned around so I could stare at the sea with her.

“What happened to her? And her human?” There’s concern in her voice, she must be remembering what I said about sirens who show care for humans.

“They drowned Thanariel in front of her, then they cut out her vocal cords. She was lucky enough to die just from having her cords cut out. If she hadn’t, the Chorus would’ve left her to starve. She’s with the Echoes now.” I look at her while I tell her where Elyselle is now. I hadn’t realized just how distant my voice was. “Her vocal cords are on display now, a testament to how you should never fall in love, much less with a human. And a reminder to not go against what the Matriarch says.”

“How horrid!” A flash of emotions crosses her face, finally, she settles on fear “They could do that to you?!” I nod.

“You’ve no idea how lucky you are to be alive right now. If anybody found out we are doing this, you could be dismembered, and so could I. It won’t matter if I’m the Matriarch’s daughter.”

“You’re the leader’s daughter?”

“Yep. Though it’s more of a curse than a blessing, if you can believe that.” God, Mother is such a b***h. Callista doesn’t need to know that though.

“Really? How could a mother be so cruel to her children?” Huh, humans must not see family the same way we do.

“Our so-called families are only in place to have defined heirs for the Matriarch and for splitting food evenly to ensure everybody gets their fair share. Nothing more.” Sirens don’t love each other, we never have.

“You’ve never been loved?” The sadness is evident in her voice. She sounds like she’s remembering all the things her parents must’ve done for her. Humans are so fragile, sirens don’t need so much support, even when we’re children.

“Nope.” I look at her again “It’s just not how it works in siren culture. The most support you get is when we first find you in the trench, then we teach the littles how to sing, some basic illusions, and then they have to learn everything else for themselves.”

“That must’ve been so hard…” A single tear rolls down her cheek. “I’m so sorry you never had that support.”

I wipe away the tear, “It’s alright. It’s just how sirens are raised, there’s nothing to be done about it.”

“But it’s still horrible, I can’t imagine a world where my parents hadn’t loved me.” She says it like her parents would’ve done anything to make sure she saw the next sunrise. My mother wouldn’t even come close to crying if I just didn’t wake up the next morning. “I mean, they tried their best to keep me off the ships, in a stable enough home. But when their ship never made it to the next port, I was taken in their place.” Oh. It’s our fault she’s here. Really our fault.

“I’ve always thought that humans enslaving their own kind was cruel.” She looks surprised. I guess she must’ve thought that sirens didn’t have any moral code at all, then.

“But- I guess you’re right. The treatment I got is certainly not the treatment that everybody got, I had it far better than most.” More tears. “Kaira… Oh Kaira. She… she… she was singing when the ship sank.

“She was the first one who saw me.” We were singing, though I couldn’t really tell what she was singing about. It was in a human language I couldn’t recognize, but it was beautiful regardless. “Her voice was beautiful.”

“She loved to sing… but her voice was stolen from her. By you.” She looks up at me. I thought this was going well. For the love of all melodies, she’s starting to look angry now.

“It’s not my fault that you humans fall for a siren’s song the moment you hear it! They should’ve known ships sink here because of sirens!” The words are said and flashed. She looks surprised at my anger. I’ve held a disdain for humans since the day I was created, and I’ve been so kind to her, why does she have the right to raise her voice at me?

“But you still killed all of them! And for what? To prolong your own existence?!” Her anger is back now, and in full swing.

“I was hungry! It’s not my fault human flesh is the only way I don’t have to suffer! You’re alive, is that not enough?” I’m risking my life here! Why can’t she see that?

“They all died for your hunger?!” Our shouting match is going to cause vibrations underwater, somebody is going to come see what all the noise is about. My face turns from anger to anxiety, if we get caught, it’s all kaput for both of us.

“You have to quiet down. You can be mad at me, but you have to lower your voice. We’ll get caught.” I reach for her hands. “I’m sorry I had to eat, I’m sorry there’s nothing else that can sate a siren’s hunger, but please…” She pulls away from me, there’s still anger on her face, but there’s a hint of fear, and she’s looking behind me. S**t!

I look behind me to find Caelumara staring at me, mouth wide open. She seems to snap out of it after a moment, and so does Callista, who takes off in a sprint for the woods.

“Caelumara, I can explain.”

“Yeah, you’d better be able to explain, Kytherinia.” For the first time, I can’t tell what she’s thinking. I’ve always been able to tell what she’s thinking based on her expression, but right now it’s completely blank.

“Look, I just… saw her… and I knew she had to live. I can’t explain it. Please don’t tell anybody, they’ll never have to know that you ever knew, just don’t tell anybody” I drag myself towards her and grab her hands. “Swear you won’t say anything, please.”

She looks down for a moment before looking back up at me. “Fine, but you have to tell me everything. And I mean everything.”

“Yes, I’ll tell you everything. Don’t worry, just swear you won’t say anything, on the River Styx, please.”

“I swear on the River Styx.”

Author's Note

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