Smart Mice

This poem is a Triolet with ABaAabAB rhyme scheme written in iambic tetrameter. It's about mice, clocks, and dreams.

Smart Mice

 

Control the clock, tick tock, tick tock.
Smart mice will scheme for time to dream.
They interlock, they dance, they rock.

Control the clock, tick tock, tick tock.

The clock they knock as time they mock.
Now they're abeam with self-esteem.

Control the clock, tick tock, tick tock.
Smart mice will scheme for time to dream.

Reviews

[NeiL ArandA]

This is cute and funny . The mice in children's book that I have read always depicts holding a delicious piece of cheese with holes in it. How they control the time and clock. You mind only knows. LOL
Perhaps you let me know the secret on how they do it. I enjoyed a lot of stories about mice and how smart they are. There's a story of a lion and a mouse who beg a lion not to eat the mouse and bowed to repay and return the favor oneday. Then oneday the lion was snared and got caught by a net. The mouse came and nibbled on the rope until the lion was able to break free.

[Aethereal]

Thanks for your review, Neil! Human beings are slaves to the clock, mice could care less. Who's better off? Who has time to dream?

[NeiL ArandA]

Ok now I know. Human are time driven. Our world and activity revolves around time.

[Aethereal]

Ah, such a great one... I do love the time message in it... even it gave me thoughts, about a cat that could jump in any time. Or some cheese... I am seeing now, what you mean with these... ;-) ABaAabAB's

Great stuff my friend.

-Elisa

[Aethereal]

Thanks, Elisa! Now you see the power of rhyme. Perhaps you should try a ABaAabAB some day. Smart cats?

Ah yes, that would be the perfect "title" let me think about it for a few days my friend, great!!!

[Inspiring Writer]

I'd made my own one write a few months earlier on "Tick , tock, tick tock" it was a rhyming one... You here reminds me about my that write.. But unfortunately since i didn't get some more words to write ...i'd deleted my that write. Now after read your this piece, i'm realizing why i did delete my that write ... lol i can write more....
but anywayz.. very great write. This time i want to say, it's an incredible write (i'm saying bcuz, i'd too written on it..lol Hahah )
Nice flow of ink, your thoughts're deep and again seemed powerful here in an other piece too. Every line showed me up some real meaning of life. last line was filled with truthness!

Great job!

[Aethereal]

Thanks for this detailed review, Inspiring Writer! Your seem to enjoy poems about time.

[Inspiring Writer]

Your welcome again :), Aethereal
well, apart from poems i love much reading books and story's too..if you've written some books and story's too then i'd soon like to look forward to your nice stuffs..very soon. By the way, i love and enjoy your poems because it's your writing's faults.. they're all so nice and realistic making me ..even forcing me ,no..no. even pulling me to your profile to read some more and some more and some more.. lol :)

[Aethereal]

I'm happy that you enjoy my style of writing.

[Inspiring Writer]

:)
Hey... ok, i've to go now, you know it's night .. dark night time here. So, probably i think i gotta go to the bed..
so, we'll discuss on any other topic later on.. Nice meeting you dear frnd.

Sweet dreams!

[Aethereal]

Sweet dreams to you too!

[Rita L. Sev]

The clock they knock as time they mock.
Now they're abeam with self-esteem.

Great lines! Good form and rhyme, and a good story too. I could also see this as a metaphor for Man, who works around the clock. Only the "smart" ones figure a way to have more rest and play!

[Aethereal]

Thanks Rita! It is a metaphor. The Triolet form forced my mind to build it the way I did.