Blue

A story about a blue planet.

Blue

 

Little mellow yellow star
we're space travelers from afar
landing on your planet Blue.
Here we'll live our lives anew.

 

She has skies in shades of gray
that may touch us everyday
combing breezes through our hair,
fetching dawns with loving care.

 

Pitter patter water flows,
crystal lakes, and Winter snows
shall bring water all for free
from her highlands to her sea.

 

Here there's every kind of space
through which life may interlace.
Soon we'll land so we may roam
till we build a place called home.

 

She's like one whom we once knew
 just as beautiful and true,
 the smashed cradle of our birth,
 a depleted place called Earth.

Reviews

[DCT ponderings]

Well I can see why people like this poem. It flows along idyllically painting a lovely picture of our little plant. The ending however, for me, is the brilliance of the piece.

the smashed cradle of our birth,
a depleted place called Earth.

The jab,truthful reminder, of how we treat our mother. Beautiful.

[Aethereal]

Thanks, DCT ponderings! This is why we're looking outside of our solar system at the present time trying to find Earth like planets. We may need to escape to another home planet some day after we waste this one.

[Rahul]

Nicely penned.

[Aethereal]

Thanks, Rahul!

[Bare trees]

I think this is well written and tells an interesting little story which flows cohesively from one stanza to the next. My only problem (According to your meter explanation) is putting an accent on words like we're and the. It's a little odd since I've never used those words in such a way. Overall, I do hear the rhythm within each stanza though and I can relate it to meter in music. I'm rethinking most of my poems that are sitting in mothballs now. :)

BTW, my friends request button is broke so forgive me for now accepting or requesting one.

[Aethereal]

Thanks for you detailed review, Palewriter! Since articles and one word contractions are pronounced as single words they may be accented anyway one pleases. If there’s no accent designation in the dictionary, then the accent is optional. I could write my poems in a way whereby contractions and articles always hold non-accents, but in speech itself they are all too often accented for emphasis. It wouldn't be natural to accent them only one way. In my poem, the space travelers are addressing the new planet's sun by saying: We're ! (Since the "!" is understood by the placement of "We're on the metered line.) Later this is followed by "Here !" understood by its placement on the metered line. In the last verse "the !" and "a !" emphasize what comes after.

[Parsimony]

I like this one too. Nicely construed from the first line to the last w many meanings (ie environmental conservation). I felt a mellow, melodic tone to it as I read it.

[Aethereal]

Thanks, Parsimony! Usually couplets with exact meter and rhyme generate a sing-song rhythm, and this is my style. It's a Classical style, but with a much tighter structure, one with mathematical precision. Most poets don't write poems in this way, but I come from a mathematical background. Most of my poems read like equations, or logical proofs.

[Friday]

It flows along very musically. It's all in there it seems to me. Nice!

[Aethereal]

Thanks, Friday! Most of my poems sing somewhat like Classical songs because they have meter and exact rhyme which gives them rhythm.

[Sayonara]

This is so beautiful!
I'm so glad I read this!

[Aethereal]

Thanks, Shadow! This poem should give you some Idea of what I mean by rhythm. You may sing this poem as a song.

[Sayonara]

Hahahah I don't sing but ill try!
I think I got a different rhythm though hahaahaah

[Kris]

Well isn't this just a mellow yet profound piece of work! I loved every bit of it - every word, every line. Oh, the flow is beautiful.
"Here there's every kind of space
through which life may interlace.
Soon we'll land so we may roam
till we build a place called home."
I loved these lines. Thank you very much for sharing such a piece, I will want to read more of your works. :)

[Aethereal]

Thanks for your kind review, Chrissy!