Tenets: Pleasure

An unstable student monologues about their innermost desires and motivations. this one is a bit grittier than my other pieces.

After a while it’s hard to stop. Even though I work to appease an agenda a part of it becomes a little more than completing a goal. It doesn’t interfere with my life, save for dedicating a little time out of my day to become more knowledgeable of my next target. That is until you stop, the desire grows; you long for it. It can be anything, from drugs to women, or gambling to games. One can long for any and everything, yet I want for something much different; the human emotion, it is a unique thing, complex as a whole yet simple in each and every one of its own basic elements: happiness, sadness, anger, etcetera. All emotions can be boiled down to both simple and distinguishable actions. The sad cry, the angry yell, the happy smile and even when their expressions are hidden behind weak facades they still can’t help but have their weakness shine through. My favorites are sadness, despair, and depression.

            It’s silly to see such genuine expressions of loss and hopelessness in someone’s face, the expression they get when no matter how hard they want to try, and indeed how hard they do, all effort is left in vain. As a child it was rather heartrending, seeing my loved ones and, in fact, even strangers suffer. I had a stronger sense of compassion and empathy, I couldn’t bare such sights. However as the days went on I began to grow more, bitter, for lack of better words. I grew less and less concerned with others eventually becoming completely asocial as time went on. I hadn’t the happiness one would gain from friends or more intimate relationships. To me, people were nothing but entertainment. That being said people, however, were awful, disgusting, and vile anyhow, I didn’t need them. I had tried to reach out to others but nobody wanted me, they all abandoned me, I tried love and it failed, I was not to be loved as the world hadn’t loved me. I instead sought my own pleasure in those who would not be of any use to me.

            It felt good, almost mesmerizing, torturing victims, I hadn’t a care for them, for who they were, and they only existed to please me. I would lose myself in the ecstasy, never once failing to go overboard. I don’t kill, or rather, I don’t like to. If it means getting a rise out of someone by taking someone else they hold dear to them I’m not above it, however, such barbaric and juvenile manners of driving pleasure left me with an empty feeling. Not only does it prematurely ends the fun, it also closes any opportunity to return to the well of excitement. In addition, the mere thought of the trauma I had inflicted onto someone else was a rush all its own. Torturing, suffering, was an art, it needed to be executed as such. Care, time, and effort needed to be put into such a thing, care time and effort I wasn’t above putting into my work.

            So again, my agenda, why do I do this? Well other than the rush of pure pleasure from seeing people who question whether or not they will even survive as I brutally destroy their body, it is more about sharing my love. People had always hated, ignored, ostracized, and even berated me, it was only fair I show them how I feel. I don’t go after those who have it bad, they know my suffering, my strife. It is those that know not the hardships we endure, those that have lived lives free of pain, it is those that needed to be taught a lesson. And that, is what gives me the most pleasure.

Epilogue:

            Since the purchase of the fifth garage by a college student with a known history of mental instability many police reports have been made. The reports follow a theme of abduction, assault, and then leaving the victim for dead out in the woods. Many tips, and rumors suggest the college student is behind it, when confronted they simply stated that they had too much work to even think about “kidnapping and hurting some nobodies.” Though not a prime suspect the police felt as though there was enough suspicion surrounding the kid to continue an investigation since, as Gorge Hughes the owner of the garage states “every time there is a murder that kid is seen taking something out of the garage and putting it back in the next day.” That was reason enough for the police to investigate the garage at the consent of George. The garage contained things from simple building tools, such as hammers and saws, to B.D.S.M. equipment and a large array of knives. When confronted about it, the student claimed they were “into building and kinky s**t,” sadly that wasn’t enough justification for the ownership of the illegal knives, however no more evidence was found in order to incriminate the student and as such the investigation continues.

Author's Note

Say anything you want. I want to ease into the darker themes, so tell me how well I am doing, I don't want to come off as too edgy or forced.