Words Don't Come Easy.

Chapter 4 of "Wish Upon a Star" and a confession.

The anticipation felt as though it had stopped my heart as I waited. I so wish this had been one of our video calls, at least then I would have been able to see her reaction properly. Give me something of a warning of what was to come perhaps but as it was, I only had an IM window which was doing nothing. Even the little pencil at the bottom that moves around as if writing was absent. She was thinking. Thinking how to reply? Thinking how to block me? Thinking I was insane? I had no idea, only that she had not yet begun to write her reply. Then the pencil began to move.. a few seconds of animation and then it stopped for a good 10 seconds or so.

This was like some kind of torture! The pencil once again began to move and then the reply arrived

“Yeah. I think it probably would!”

My heart once again started beating and dropped back down from my throat and the breath rushed back into my lungs. I hadn't even realised I had been holding my breath! I took a big lung full of oxygen and used it to breath a sigh of relief. So far so good. I wasn't on the freaky loony register at least.

Damn this was amazingly hard. They really should be simple questions, but over the months that I had been talking to Star I had realised that this was THE person for me. The one who I would die for willingly and the person I wanted to spend the rest of my days with, That in itself made things a thousand times more difficult.

The terror of wanting to just blurt out all of the feelings I had inside of me. To just type and type them all into that little window. To let them be free to live outside of myself and to grow, to span the miles between us and wrap us both in a bubble of pure energy that no one or nothing could penetrate. I felt almost super human in the fact that these feelings brought such happiness to me and that happiness would be more than enough to keep us both safe. There was only one element missing to make us truly indestructible. We were pretty much an unstoppable force anyway. People had tried to come between us already ad they had all been turned back in failure. From jealous Masters on the site where we met who had to make do with their bitter twisted slaves who had long since lost any joy in their lives, to envious submissives who would spend hours trying to convince ME that Star was a fake and that only THEY held what I truly needed. All stepped up to bat, to take a swing at us and all of them were struck out and sent packing with their tails between their legs.

Some were so resentful of being defeated that they even began to stalk and harass me on line for it. Spewing vile insults at me and generally being as unpleasant as they could muster.

I honestly had to simply laugh at their efforts. Not because they were intentionally humorous but simply because Star had roused something in me that was truly amazing. Their pathetic attempts to cause rifts truly were funny to me because I knew that Star and I were bigger and stronger than the worst they could possibly hurl at us. Together there was nothing in the world that could stop us.

That power only had one missing piece and I just had to know if it was ready to be put in place or not so once again I drew breath and typed something that I sincerely hoped would not be the death knell for our relationship.

“Star... I have a confession to make Babygirl”

Once again a moments wait.. a long long moment which to anyone else would have been a mere second or so.

“What is it Sir?” she asked.

I could almost taste the wariness, the apprehension in the question. I know is a statement that always makes me worry when someone else says it to me. A thousand and one possibilities run through my mind. Usually most of them negative. “Has he got a wife?” “Is he a convicted murderer or something?” “Has he been lying to me about A,B,C and X,Y,Z?”

It truly is an awful statement to make. “I have a confession to make” seems to dredge up the worst fears in people, brings their insecurities to the surface and self doubt runs riot.

I typed as fast as I was able to, partially because I just wanted to get it out in the open, lay my cards on the table and be completely honest as I had been right from the very beginning, the only exception had been holding back my feelings.

“Star. You really are amazing. I don't have toe words to tell you just how amazing you are, and...”

I gulped before typing the next part. I was shaking and sweating, absolutely terrified that this would all go pear-shaped and destroy everything, but I was already on the road. I had to finish the journey.

“I am falling for you in a big way Babygirl.”

“Awww. That's so sweet!” The reply came back. I very briefly noticed it had not been punctuated with the word “Sir” but that thought left my mind as soon as it had entered. Right now that really didn’t seem that important on the grand scale of things.

It certainly wasn't the response I had built myself up for. I had expected to be rejected. Although “Sweet” didn't really confirm what I REALLY wanted to know, it was a good beginning, an opening, she had;t run away screaming for the hills and that was the main thing.

I mean. I am her Master. I could easily ask her the question directly “Do you love me Star” and be perfectly entitled to receive a straight and honest answer but some things go way outside of duty, protocol and submission. In my mind, matters of the heart are definitely one of those things.

While I felt extremely relieved that my confession of my feelings had been met positively, it still left a burning hot question in my mind.. one that I simply had to know. Was the feeling returned? Or was I doomed to yet another unrequited love. A repeat of the last on line love affair I had had which had hurt me so badly.

Yes I was a lot stronger now, not nearly as likely to be as hurt again (I hoped) but I wanted, no, NEEDED that reassurance from Star that I wasn't alone.

The conversation moved on, back to simpler topics such as ideas for collars, tattoos and talking of when she eventually migrated over to the UK so we could truly be together and as the night drew to a close at around 5-30 am we said our goodbyes. Wished one another pleasant dreams. Made our arrangements to talk again tomorrow and just as I was about to sign out, it came.

The four little words that made my heart soar. That made my world explode into a million colours, each one impossibly bright and vivid and made my throat swell closed for a moment before it was replaced by a tear.

“I love you too Sir”

It was that very moment that 2 things happened. Firstly. I swore to give her my entire world on a plate. Everything I was and everything I owned was now hers, all she ever needed do was ask and it would be given and secondly... It was that instant that I knew that there was nothing, no man, beast or event that could ever divide us. Together we would conquer it all.

Plenty more to come still and it gets a lot better. I'd love to hear your thoughts on what you have read so far though.

Author's Note

constructive criticism always welcomed