Today I had to face my demon

The downfall of having an alcoholic addiction.

Today I had to face my demon. Haunting, early dawn, my want of acceptance was rejected. My demon followed me throughout the day. He played tricks on me, played with my mind, he changed my mind for a moment. Then my self-assurance kicked in, I cussed him out, he went away. My mind was clear and free. I think I might have even smiled, that doesn't happen much anymore. As I'm trying to keep my sanity, he returns. He scares me, I jump, I cry, I shake and I feel anxious. I look in the mirror, alarmed by the tears staining my face, makeup smeared, heart racing, my body pale. I have a choice, I have a boundary.

Today I had to face my demon. It's been four days, since I've had a drink. It's been four days, surrounded by friends, a love, guidance. Now I'm alone, feeling trapped. There's others around me but here I am, alone. My head, yelling at me. Nonsense, this is all just a test. I take a step back, I close my eyes. I feel the wind surround me, my tears dry, my body still shakes but again, my mind is clear. I will not let my demon control me, I will not falture. My demon is not my friend, I do not love him. I thought that I needed him. That was when I would let him bring me down, I was falling in love with my enemy. The one thing in life that would always be there but wasn't worth the time. Because after those times end, where do we stand? Alone in the street? Alone in a bed? Lost in our thoughts? Haunted by the one thing that we know is so bad for us but just feels so good.

So tomorrow when I face my demon, I will remind myself. There is nothing that can control me, I control me.

Reviews

[Lorry]

Nicely captured. At first, up until the second verse, I was sure your demon was a lack of confidence, or self belief, but in the second verse it becomes apparent it's one of the most popular demons of all. I like the softness of your words, against the harshness of the topic. The last line sums it up perfectly. Not just that, but is a stand alone statement in itself. Great job.