The Man with the Missing Big ToeA Poem by Adrimira A silly rhyme Please kind sir,
share with us your woe, Tell us sir, how
you lost your big toe?
My toe? My toe? You want to know
of my toe?
Yes kind sir,
pray tell, let us know!
Alright! I will,
I shall tell you my tale, Of how I lost my
toe over this glass of ale.
But I must warn you
all, it is a bit squeamish, So hang on to
your beers, and try not to turn greenish.
It happened
years ago, whilst on expedition, I was climbing Everest
and got waylaid from my mission.
Now, I know what
you’re thinking, that it’s not much of a tale, That I lost my
big toe in the snow and hail.
But such was not
the case, how my toe met its fate, It was a pub in the
mountains, I must reiterate.
A place made of
wood that mountain men frequented, Who’d all sit
around and drink yak's milk, fermented.
The choice of
their tipple, if you really must know, Was a bottle of
whisky that contained a big toe.
“How foul! How rude!
How incredibly uncouth! I must know the
story, please tell me the truth!”
The tale of the
pickled old toe was told, It belonged to a
Sherpa whose foot got cold.
He came into the
pub, big toe in hand, They offered him
a seat as he could barely stand.
They put it in
whisky so it could be preserved, To do otherwise,
would be completely absurd!
For years and
years the toe stayed in its whisky, Until one day,
two local lads got frisky.
One dared the
other to drink the liquor, Kissing the toe
was to be the kicker.
And since that
day, a tradition was born, And to not kiss
the toe will always bring scorn.
After 4 shots of
vodka and 5 of vermouth, I felt warmth
and courage from my toe to my tooth.
With a shot of
this exotic liquor at the ready, I held onto the
bar to keep myself steady.
This strange
concoction I was bound to pick up, And as I downed
it out came a large hiccup!
And to my
surprise, the toe slid down, I thought for a
second I’d be run out of town.
As feelings of
rage broke out in the pub, Out from the
back came a man with a club!
I did not want
mindless violence to ensue, So I sat back in
my chair and took off my shoe.
I bargained my
life in exchange for my toe, And down came
the axe with mighty big blow!
And thanks to me
their tradition persisted, Whilst for my
part I can still take a walk unassisted.
So there you
have it my new found friends, That is how my
story ends.
The moral of the
tale, I hope you do get the gist, Now keep an eye
on my drink, while I go take a piss! © 2014 AdrimiraReviews
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