Tick Tock

Depression Hurts.

I went out for a drive today.

It hurt every drag of air I inhaled.

The light, the noise, the chirping of the birds.

The voices, the livelihood of the neighborhood.

Everything hurts nowadays.

 

Yes, I do my rounds in the real world when it's due.

Say, when I have to show up to work,

All the holidays I can't skip,

And those rare occasions that I feel a spark within.

But I avoid them all if possible.

I am my best under my blankets,

Surrounded by the darkness,

Screaming until I'm voiceless,

Facing the faceless until they kill me.

 

See, I don't wanna die.

So I push my limits.

 

I make myself get out of bed and move around.

I make myself pretend I care.

I step out of my comfort zone.

I make a fool out of myself.

 

I try, God knows that I try!

I cut myself, but not too deep,

Just the right depth to feel alive.

 

Don't ask me questions. It's not the time.

It hurts too much -so pretend I've lied.

Let's avoid the awkward silence -let's move on.

I cannot face reality,

I'm not that strong.

 

I went out for a walk today.

I felt my heartbeat.

Step by step, tick tock tick tock,

It's not a countdown to my death,

rather the rhythm of my pulse singing, "We'll be okay."

 

Author's Note

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number
1-800-273-8255

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

I worked with people who had depression for 27 years. Most people can't conceive of how it feels not to have the energy to get out of bed. The last line was reassuring. Depression is the most dangerous brain disease of all. Good luck.

[Adrian X Fuentess]

--Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Appreciated.
Agreed. It's a long journey every hour of the day, but we gotta keep on moving. One day at the time. Thanks again!