Don't Let Me Get Me

Dr, won't you prescribe me something? I'm a hazard to myself.

From:  IN MY OWN WORDS

            (Part II)

By

Adrian Fuentes

It was the very first time I would be taking Drama class, even though I had been on stage before, in front of people I mean, I was nervous because this time was not in my native language. Still, I was excited to do so.

I wondered how much effect would have on my life once the semester was over, and today that it is, I m here ready to share that feeling. At first, I though that people would make fun of me, and I was right. They did. But I soon realized that healthy criticism helps you to grow into a better individual. I thought it would be just another class, but it wasn’t because there's have been no other class that has inspired me to write down the experience I got from it, what I learned, and what I will share next.

My name? Don’t really matter! 

"Oh yes it does" the teacher said," we all have our names for a reason: to be recognized. You can call me Mr. Osborne, or just Joseph or even Joe, but never ever call me just Mister." He stated. "My parents gave me a name to be identified so I want each one of you to stand up and introduce yourself. Once there, be honest and tell us why you are taking Drama class." And one by one, we all followed his order.

"My name is Lucie Lee. I have been involved in Drama since middle school so…and I like it, is a way to express our creativity."

"I'm Stephen, and I'm here because my counselor said it's an easy credit, which I need like desperately to be a junior next year.'

"Hi, I'm Stephanie and I love acting so I decided to be involved in this world."

"Hey, I'm Brett and I'm here because my mom begged me to take it and audition for plays…but I am not so don’t expect me to."

"Hey you guys, hi, I'm Angie." The blonde girl in cheerleader outfit waved at us, glancing around since we were told to sit in a circle. "I chose Drama because I think is a way to express myself in many other different ways."

"Hey, I'm Anna. I just need an elective credit for graduation."

"I also needed a credit for graduation…I'm Luis, by the way, you probably know me because I play in a band….no? Okay, never mind."

"I'm Cody Jay Chapman and I'm taking Drama cuz my friends are too.."

"Hi, I'm Joana, and I think Drama is an easy credit after all my Honor and AP classes." The Latina girl stated, hiding a smile of pride. "I needed a break and at the same time, keep my GPA as it is, four point O."

"Hello, my name is Haley and I think Drama is to give life to people leaving in sheets of paper."

"Uh…I'm Victor, and my counselor said it would be a great experience."

"What's up, I'm Matt and I just like to be the center of attention…that's Drama!"

"I'm Mario and I'm here cuz of Tashanda."

"Hey, I'm Laurie and I'm here cuz I like to give Drama a try. I said to myself, Why not?" 

"Um, I'm Laura and I like Drama."

"sssup guys, I'm Tristan and if I'm honest I don’t know what I was thinking when I wrote Drama down as an alternative…I never thought they would give it to me. They never do!" the only read-head guy exclaimed and smiled. "But well, let's give it a shot, uh!"

"Hey, uh…the name is Kassy and I don’t know what I'm doing here but I'll figure a way out to stay alive."

"…I'm Marty, and my counselor said that my psychologist said that my mom asked her to ask me to take Drama class because Im such a drama queen, which makes me doubt of my sexuality, but…totally kidding, I think the voices are right, I should be a model."

"Hi, I'm Tabitha and…um…hi?"

"I'm paulina and I like soccer…oh, I mean, I'm here cuz I think Drama could be fun."

"hey, I'm Danielle and I'm here cuz all other classes were full…well, I think the teachers didn’t want me to be there…so…I want to thank Joe for giving me chance to complete my 12th credits, and my mom for sending me to school; also, I'd like to thank the state of Nebraska for giving free education, and…"

"Danielle, sit down." Joe ordered her with a smile on his face, knowing that the girl was just messing with him and the rest of the class. "And finally, this young man who has never been seen in this area of school." He referred to me while giving me a smile to which I did not respond since I found his comment a bit derogatory. And he seemed to understand my facial expression when I gave him my dirtiest look.

"Hi," I broke the silence, "My name is Javier and I'm taking this class because it gives me the chance to be somebody else but me…"

After all, the feeling of being nervous helped out a lot because if you can use it positively, it pushes you toward a better performance. At least it was helpful to me.

"JUST GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD." Joe would repeat several times before a presentation, advice that came to be useful once I got on stage. I was not the 17-year-old guy who attempted suicide months aforetime. Regardless the bruises on my arms from that period of cutting, I was another person. I could be an old man on a wheelchair pushed by his granddaughter played by Tabitha; I could be a lazy evil twin making his mother cry, played by Haley; I could be a girl screaming at her best friend for throwing herself at her boyfriend; I could be a character made up by Shakespeare; I could be anyone but who I really was.

Time went by so fast that I can't believe that in present time, I am out of High School, recalling that dull day making Drama class as boring as the rest….of mine, at least. We all were waiting on Joe who we didn’t see since we came back from lunch �"we had first lunch so we went to eat right after Homeroom; then, we would go to our third hour class. In days like that one day, I usually did not enjoy to be bothered by anything or anybody. So I just stayed in my seat and looked around, listening to my classmates chat over each other. 

"Yeah, and did you watch when…" some of them would talk about the most recent movie they've watched.

"Hey, Luis, when do you guys play next?" Laura yelled from her desk, making plans for the weekend already.

"Stephen, did you hear that…" Matt would tell everyone about his latest adventure.

"How come you didn’t come, Danielle?" Tashanda asked to the most outgoing girl of the class, who in response pulled her pants up just enough to let them see the house arrest bracelet around her ankle.

"Hey, Joana, are you taking AP History next year?" Lucie would ask every smart kid she knew (mostly her whole circle of friends) about their senior schedule.

"Why do you have pictures of guys on your binder, Adrian?" Luis asked once he seated next to me without me noticing…until he snapped me out of my spacing out.

Are you gay? It was Luis with the question that has hunted me since forever. Are you gay? The question that made me run away several times. Are you gay? The question that was born at home…whatever that place was. And for the very first time, I looked into somebody's eyes (this time, Luis') and without the fear of being heard, I said 'YES'

"And how long it's been since you came out?" Lucie asked other day while waiting on the door to be opened.

"About four years now…" I answered.

"So you knew since junior high?" she asked again, trying to understand and learn.

"Yes, I guess." I replied. And my mind went back on time trying to recall that  time, but I stopped just on time to avoid the pain.

“Does your mom know?” Lucie kept on asking me withount realizing that her words were making me go back in time, and it was hurting me. And I didn’t let her know, either. I mean, I still didn’t want people to know what I had been through; I didn’t want anyone to know what my weakness might be. So I just nodded.

“Holy s**t, dude, so it is true what Bret said?” Tristan exclaimed from where he was, leaning agaings the wall a few feet back. My throat tightened at the thought of what he might was referring to, and I started to shake, but I knew this was going to happen sooner or later so I gathered whatever courage I had and asked what he meant.

“That you like Bret…” he replied getting half the class’ attention. “He told me that you texted him a while ago, and all this time has been awkward being in the same room. At least for him, you know?”

“Well, that was a while ago, like he said,” I responded, trying to sound cool about it when inside me I was going insane,but I acted calm and smiled to make my next move, "And why do you care? Do you want to see if you have a chance with me?” I joked, and Tristan’s face went blank.

“Chill, man,” he replied. “I was just kidding; you know I don’t mind you being gay, as long as you keep your hands off me. S**t."

“You’re not his type,” a voice came from someone coming our way; we all stretched our necks to see who it was. It was Marty walking towards me, and throwing his arm around my shoulders; the whole time glaring at Tristan, defiantly, waiting for him to do something.

Tristan tried to hold Marty’s stare, but couldn’t keep it up so he looked away.  The silence created by the awkward situation made us aware of steps walking away. We turned to see who it was, but I only saw a back turning around the corner of the door; however, I knew who that was. Bret.

I looked down at the floor, embarrassed, and tried to stop Marty from making a bigger scene, but it was in vain. Marty pushed people out of his way until he was nose to nose with Tristan, who remained quiet until Marty said, “That’s what I thought.”

“I’m sorry this went out of control,” I told Bret when I caught up with him in the parking lot after class. He tried to hide, but I was too quick for him and whether he liked it or not, I had to tell him that I really didn’t mean to let that whole thing continue as far as it did.

“Dude, I’m done talking to you.” Bret interrupted me. “Let’s just forget everything.”

“I can’t.” I confessed, and his face showed pain and concerned.

“I just don’t want this to be weird.” 

“I know, but…”

“What do you want to do?” Bret stopped suddenly, and turned to me waiting for an answer. It took all of the strength I had to keep myself from throwing myself at him and kiss him.

“I just want to die.” I said in a cold, sharp tone of voice.

“Why do you keep saying that?” He questioned me, annoyed, maybe I said that too much already. Do I really mean it? I think about it for a few seconds, then I realized that my frustration was taking its toll,

“You know what? You’re right, let’s just pretend that this never happened.” I replied in a more enthusiastic voice. And he smiled, saying that was the best for everyone. I didn’t even pretend to smile back, and I was sure that Bret would understand why I just couldn’t.

“This mess is really awkward.” Bret breaks the ice after a few seconds of looking around the almost empty parking lot. All the activities were taking place right at the moment, and the buses were long gone, so just a few students hung around, minding their own business. And there we were, standing like two puppets waiting for someone to make a move. Then, I busted into laughter and Bret did too.

“Tell your girlfriend that I am not a stalker.” I added to the funny situation. He nodded. “Just one more thing,” I exclaimed before he turned around, “I know I have told you this before, but I just want you to remember it always. You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.”

Bret blushed, like I imagined he did whenever he read my text messages.

“Well, thank you…” he told me, and then kept on walking, leaving me standing there. Maybe he thought he left me broken-hearted; but it was worse than that, he took my heart with him.

Author's Note

Cameo appearance by Cody Jay Chapman from "You Da One"
I edited this piece so you don't really notice him, unless you really pay attention. Someday when I publish whole chapters, my readers will be able to spot Cody Jay right away. And understand some of the back story before You Da One.