My True Self?

A Poem by AJ TheSnowMan

When I laugh and love, is it just a mask?..

Questions are always
Always on my mind
I see no answer
Why when there's no end
Searching and searching
Why can't this world just blend?

I see the mirror
All the acts
Who really am I?
What am I really?
Who is this person?

For the first time
I needed help
I might need psychiatric assistance
For the first time
I feel all resistance

When I'm near you
I feel so happy
When I go back home
Where I'm solemn and quiet
So stern and evil
But what if,
Just what,
If when I'm with you
I'm the fake
And the solemn quiet is the true me?

This question has taken a hold on me
Am I just a facade
A mask within myself
Do I fake the smile the happiness
Is there another me?

When I'm alone yet again
Personality splits
Brain corrupts
Transforming back
Just who was I before?
Two lifes separated
By a split second in life
I was never meant to be happy
This will forever haunt me
I know for sure I won't ever know
Not even when I die...

© 2013 AJ TheSnowMan

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Reviews

F.Gentil

What a beautiful conundrum. I totally understand the questions you ask. I think it's the idea that we are alone, and the loneliness of solitude causes us an overwhelming sense of depression. When we are with someone our souls are enlightened, invigorated, content, and at peace but when we are alone we are constantly thinking, contemplating. It's like the old adage, idle time is the devil's workshop. I think when we are alone we only have our mind, our mind dictates being alone, but when we are with someone our heart dictates our actions....Just some ideas. Nonetheless if it was for this beautiful writing of questioning, I would not have thought of this. Nice work my friend.