Unfinished thought

An other ordinary day , i stare at myself in the mirror .. Should I shave my beard ? Should I take a shower , or a bath maybe , a hot one . Several hours of thinking about silly things that would take me few minutes to do. Strange right ? But do you know what is weirder ? The mirror , the "other me" standing there shooting me with bullets empty of gunpowder but full of betrayal's looks , the ones Jesus would give to Judas when they meet in judgement day. Yes dear ,Jesus , i started believing in god again , after all , your beauty is divine , no one can witness your smile and pretend it's a random work of nature , only a god can softly create this masterpiece . I stop looking at the mirror and start thinking deeper , and by deeper i mean thinking about smoking. Should i smoke again and lie about quiting and be the virgin princess whom the walls of the palace witnessed her sins ? But then , i stop thinking and start writing. I don't know what should i write but i'm sure you're going to be in it , directly , indirectly ,in your pure image, or your good disguise , in your mortal form or in your godess's white dress. I might right a silly song about how much i love you , a deep text or a short novel based on you that i will burn into ashes because i know it's not good enough for you.

Reviews

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Ouch... This is chaotic..........really chaotic. Hard to keep track, of who is who. At some parts, i've been wondering if you were talking to the mirror image of yourself, or a girl you're in love with. Try and correct those parts, and you have a nice story. 100 rating.

[Twisted desire]

I wanted this chaos to show how unstable the character is , i guess i failed ! Thanks for your review !

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Well...i think that if that was your goal, then you didn't fail. Keep writing, you really have it in you :)

[Twisted desire]

Thank youu ! I really i appreciate it ! :)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

You're welcome.

[SleeplessVolcano]

Sometimes a chaotic piece like this can stir creativity....we NEED to think outside of the box to stir that which will not "move" with rational thought.....

I think you meant to use the word "write" in the second last line instead of "right"....

Thank you for this thought-provoking piece!

[Leon C]

Stream of consciousness pros are really hard to get right.

ell done, it works.

I love the chaos of the mind, the rambling thoughts that criss-cross back and forth.

I good piece.

[Benson Osuji]

loved it very much I believe you are a christian

[MelissaAndres]

Random and rambling but I did expect that given your title. I think, and this is just my opinion, Jumbled Thoughts would be a good title as well. You go from one thought to the other and that's perfectly fine. Maybe watch your spelling and lower case letters ... overall though ... very good. I enjoyed.

[Bella]

I really love some of the phrases and metaphors you use here like 'bullets empty of gunpowder..' And the 'walls of the palace witnessed her sins' - it jumps from trivial aspects of life like taking a shower to really deep, real issues of emotions and its so clever! Beauts

[Tito M.]

I really liked how everything revolved around this character's scrambled thoughts. It flies back and forth from one thing to another and I feel like I'm almost transported to a moment when my mind was as chaotic as theirs is. Great read and I found it very interesting!

[Twisted desire]

The mind is a beautiful chaos .. we should get lost in it ! Thanks for your review :)

[Nechelle]

I can definitely relate to this personally. Getting so caught up in your head that you become incapacitated from actually "doing" anything. And while it is a bit difficult to follow where your mind is traveling at times, I feel this accurately captures the way our minds work. They do not follow a perfectly illustrated and clear path, but rather jump from idea, to idea, thought to thought, with a connection that may only be relevant to the person having those very thoughts.

This is real. I love it.

[Twisted desire]

That's exactly what i meant ! Thank you ! :)