Thou shall not love?

The skies ring out like church bells,
Hollow
When I pray He make me righteous
Faith has only given,
Sorrow
For hate is warped into its fabric

The scriptures are the tongue,
Divine
I never listened how I should have
They go against this body,
Mine
I'm weeping for the child I left


Are holly lies better than this sin,
Love?
Which is most hated by the godly
So declare the Heavens,
Above
Nobody hates me as the faithful love me

Reviews

[Arthur. S. Ebbers]

I love how accurately this poem portrays the struggles and conflict between being queer and being religious!

And I love that it seems almost like a debate, like they know that religion is supposed to "make [you] righteous" or "holy", that it's supposed to be good, but for them it all just rings "hollow", it should be "divine" but it leaves them "weeping", that God should be all-loving but that they feel "most hated."

It's as if the poem was written on church pews on a Sunday morning, cramped up next to your family, pretending to listen to your pastor as he rambles on and on and on, just as a surprisingly (and horrifically) painful thought suddenly pops into your head, never to leave again - 'these people truly, truly hate me.' And of course you've known this for a long time, but now it's really hit you, you are "most hated", to them their "holy lies" are better than your "love", I mean, the poem explains this perfectly: "Nobody hates me as the faithful love me."

Or, that's my interpretation at least. Apologies if I got it completely wrong.

Really enjoyed this! Great work! I can't wait to read more of your stuff.

[Adriana]

Thank you so much for the thoughtful review! And you got the meaning right down to the T, haha, it's as if you got into my head. I am really glad you like it:)

[JayG]

I'm sure you have intent for the meaning of each line. But the reader has only the meaning the words suggest to THEM, based on THEIR life experience. So to a reader:

• The skies ring out like church bells,

I'm pretty old, and I've heard thunder, aircraft noises, even typhoons, and not one of them sounded like a bell. So naturally, I turned to the next line to find out what made the noise:

• Hollow

So the sound was resonating? That's implied by L1. So, we must go on to find out what was ringing. But...

• When I pray He make me righteous

So, L1 and L2 are throwaway, and spoken for effect not meaning?

But that aside, it's backward. You should BE righteous. Praying doesn't turn a sinner that way. And as a minor point, who is "He?" There are thousands of dieties who are prayed to.

• Faith has only given, Sorrow

The Pope, and pretty much anyone who works in the religion business would disagree.

My point: The story in your head never made it to the page, and the disconnects make it seem too much like poetry constructed by CHATGBT.

[Adriana]

The first lines are not for effect. I meant the skies are hollow when I pray. When I say that faith has given sorrow I mean to *me*. And also well, you know, to everyone who died because of religion, if you forget that. Don't tell me "I should be righteous" this poem is not about that it's about my struggle with religion and the persecution of queer people by religion. I regret you didn't get that but at the end of the day, you have your opinion. Thanks for reading ig

[JayG]

• I meant the skies are hollow when I pray.

That was your intent. But intent doesn't-make-it to the reader. They have only what the words suggest to them, based on their life-experience.

Write from your chair, of course. But edit from that of a reader who has only the context you supply.

[Adriana]

After all I did begin the next sentence after "The skies ring out like church bells, Hollow" with "When" so I thought it was an obvious continuation and other ppl got it but hey maybe I should work on being more obvious sure