Thou shall not love?

The skies ring out like church bells,
Hollow
When I pray He make me righteous
Faith has only given,
Sorrow
For hate is warped into its fabric

The scriptures are the tongue,
Divine
I never listened how I should have
They go against this body,
Mine
I'm weeping for the child I left


Are holy lies better than this sin,
Love?
Which is most hated by the godly
So declare the Heavens,
Above
Nobody hates me as the faithful love me

Reviews

[ashley]

im really loving the layout of this, its unique and works super super well :3

[Adriana]

Thxx so much Ashleyyy I'm glad you liked it

[Michael Sun Bear]

I meant to include, my favorite lines are:
The scriptures are the tongue
Divine
I have been, for much of my life, a student of world spiritual traditions, so that line especially speaks to me. I love the way you said that.

[Adriana]

Thank you very much ^-^

[Michael Sun Bear]

When I go to an art museum I don’t wish to just see the paintings done in Realism style, what about Impressionism, Expressionism, Abstract, Surrealism, etc. Don’t take to heart reviews that criticize your work for not fitting a format, style, rules for writing, etc. that the reviewer requires in his/her own head. I like this poem, I like it has some mystery to it. It makes me work a little trying to completely understand the story you’re telling, but I don’t need to completely understand it. And if I come up with interpretations for myself that may not be what you intended, SO WHAT, that’s the beauty of poetry. MSB

[Adriana]

Hey, thank you very much, I always enjoy your comments, I understand criticism, I know I'm an amateur , I usually welcome it(unless it's preaching as a lot are, haha). I'm glad you enjoyed my poem! Thank you for the again great review:)

[JayG]

I'm sure you have intent for the meaning of each line. But the reader has only the meaning the words suggest to THEM, based on THEIR life experience. So to a reader:

• The skies ring out like church bells,

I'm pretty old, and I've heard thunder, aircraft noises, even typhoons, and not one of them sounded like a bell. So naturally, I turned to the next line to find out what made the noise:

• Hollow

So the sound was resonating? That's implied by L1. So, we must go on to find out what was ringing. But...

• When I pray He make me righteous

So, L1 and L2 are throwaway, and spoken for effect not meaning?

But that aside, it's backward. You should BE righteous. Praying doesn't turn a sinner that way. And as a minor point, who is "He?" There are thousands of dieties who are prayed to.

• Faith has only given, Sorrow

The Pope, and pretty much anyone who works in the religion business would disagree.

My point: The story in your head never made it to the page, and the disconnects make it seem too much like poetry constructed by CHATGBT.

[Adriana]

The first lines are not for effect. I meant the skies are hollow when I pray. When I say that faith has given sorrow I mean to *me*. And also well, you know, to everyone who died because of religion, if you forget that. Don't tell me "I should be righteous" this poem is not about that it's about my struggle with religion and the persecution of queer people by religion. I regret you didn't get that but at the end of the day, you have your opinion. Thanks for reading ig

[JayG]

• I meant the skies are hollow when I pray.

That was your intent. But intent doesn't-make-it to the reader. They have only what the words suggest to them, based on their life-experience.

Write from your chair, of course. But edit from that of a reader who has only the context you supply.

[Adriana]

After all I did begin the next sentence after "The skies ring out like church bells, Hollow" with "When" so I thought it was an obvious continuation and other ppl got it but hey maybe I should work on being more obvious sure