Broken Angel

About a girl I once liked but who's pasted haunted her to the point that she secluded herself from the world, love, and happiness.

The sky tears open.

The tear is deafeningly silent. The instant it ripped open silence enveloped the land with all things robbed of their sound, even the air from my breathe was no longer be heard. Though, while nothing is heard tremendous invisible waves of sound are still felt through my body. My body feels pain from the intensity of these vibrations rushing over me and everything around me; I feel it within me also, the world shaking apart. The sand all around me shifts and whips in places the pressure is stronger where mists and clouds of sand dance in the air. Then it all ended as a stillness took over my world, it was as though time had slowed to a near stop. All the floating grains of sand slowly returned to the desert dunes they floated away from. A bright light then from the tear she fell.

From the rip she fell bit by bit, slower then anyone can fall, she is different. As far as I was I could still tell what she was and as far as I was I could feel her presence, her need of aid. I ran to the speck falling from the sky. I reached the dune on which she was to land upon; as her shadow fell on me I fell in love and on the sand underneath her in the shadow I waited.

She continueed to fall slowly till she reached my arms and when we touched all the world’s sounds returned in an over whelming whisper. I fell to my knees and looked at the girl in my arms. She was blotched in blood with cuts and dark purple bruises that hurt with just a glance. My eyes watered as I saw her mangled hair that glimmered of its past glory, sections overwhelmed by others which have become matted together by dry blood. Even her amazing wings were stained by the blood as bones poke out shattered and splintered through the tattered feathers.

“Where have you come from?” I asked and she replied by opening her eyes which answered everything but her name. The green of her irises spoke of paradise, her pupils the windows of heaven. Every bit of her that my eyes fell upon simply mesmerized me even broken, she was an angel and I was afraid.

How do you fix what God has created? She lays in my arms falling apart and I can’t do anything. I don’t know what to do and it scares me. I feel so helpless and weak, how do I heal an angel? She looks at me through her magnificent eyes and speaks with the most enchanting voice telling me she understands. With those few words it’s all said. She knows I care and that while I would do everything I could to make her better but there is nothing I can. I watched as an angel died in my arms and as heartbreaking as it was she never stopped seeming perfect. When her time drew near I could see it so I asked one last question, “what is your name?”

Kaylen…

Then she died. Her body evaporates into pieces of brilliant lights. I stood and caught a feather that was all that was left. It is her gift to me. So I may never forget the angelic girl that I fell in love with and died in my arms.

 

Author's Note

Be honest but constructive.

Reviews

[Marlena]

There are some run on sentences but i think it all flowed very nicely. So sad, so much emotion too. Lovely job. ^^

[Flo_writer]

Sad you couldn't save her. I love the similarities of this fiction to a real life experience. The character is in love with an angel who I assume is the girl you once liked. He also couldn't save her from death the same as you couldn't save the girl from her past. Lot's of feeling bottled here which probable inspired the run-on sentences because you wrote it as it was following out. I enjoyed it.

[BABSIE BEE]

Bless you for sharing these gripping emotional words with us. I think you'll have lots of other stories coming our way. Hopefully !! As it was pointed out below....just concentrate on a few wee things that will make a huge difference for you.
Thanks
Babsie Bee xxx

[Charles D. Moorer]

The sentiment is clearly in this poem. My only concern is with the sentence structure. There ar lots of runon sentences, sentences not properly punctuated. May I suggest you get a Gregg Reference Manual and learn to regognize the following sentence types: Simple Sentences; Compound Sentences; Complex Sentences, and finally Compound Complex Sentences. I think you will do well. Clelarly the talent and imagination are there. Good job.