Empty

Sad sad poem :( .

Alone with an opal

in my hand…

 

Like a tree shedding its leaves,

my heart becomes a million pieces

on the ground.   

 

My well known sadness prevails,

in the sea of illusions flowing

and flowing…

 

Like a butterfly trying to penetrate the glass

I try to reach for you

 

but you’re not even there.

 

Reviews

[Rambling Prose]

I enjoyed reading this poem, but I'm not sure about a few things:

"Like a tree shading its leaves" - Did you mean 'shedding its leaves'? You could very well mean 'shading', due to the fact that the under leaves are shaded by the upper leaves, but I'm of the impression you meant the former, rather than the latter.

"my hearth becomes a million pieces" - Did you mean 'heart' rather than 'hearth', because it doesn't make sense to me.

Otherwise, I loved it!

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Congratulations on winning the random-poetry contest.

Sal

[poet2angels (lynda)]

I love this...
It is soft, beautiful and so touching...
Thank you so much for entering
Gave me such a tranquil feeling even through the sadness...

Lynda

[chord0]

Love poem, beautiful broken love poem. Nice imagery. Beautiful poem.
chord0

[Kris Tate]

I really like this piece. I think that you have truly felt the pain of falling apart. Thanks for submitting it.

[Salvatore Buttaci]

This is a very good poem but it is not a clerihew, which this contest is all about.

Sal

[Michael]

For such a short work,it has a lot in there. I really like the turn at the end, it leaves us with something to ponder. Not sure about the opal reference, the lines are nice and flow well, I'm just not sure I have not missed some intended meaning.

[Angelic Darkness]

The images here are graceful and beautiful. For example this line:
Alone with an opal

in my hand�

This is so delicate, fragile, like love is.

AD

[BrightEyes]

indeed a sad poem ; the act of reaching for something always out of reach speaks of such profound frustration and tragedy. you evoke this emotion intensely for the reader and do it beautifully. :-)


P.S. Thank you for the review.

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

Mmm, this is a sad poem but the writing is beautiful. You did a fantastic job with this, great write!!!

Heather

[Adam Chambers]

My well known sadness prevails

This line is a good example of the non-commonplace in this poem. Poetry must be the particular becoming the universal. The rest of the poem should emulate this line, I think.