I love you

This poem is about finding your passion and falling in love with what you do.

This beat engulfs my soul

My mind a canvas

My body entrapped

I’m losing myself

I like it

 

The beat is inside my vein

Blood is pumping

I have no control

I can only go with the flow

I like it

 

The freedom! Oh the sort I have never felt before

What is this?

I have never felt such joy

I like it

 

Oh, where were you before

When I needed you more

That matters not

You’re there now

I like it

 

Oh! The joy of having found you

I will never let you go

I want this everlasting feeling

To never leave

I like it

 

I don’t care

I am myself

I can’t hide from you

You make me love my flaws

I like it

 

Thank you, my dear

For being the reason for my heart beats

You make me smile like crazy

I don’t want to let you go

I like it

 

This moment I will treasure forever

In the little pocket called heart

And as I look inside

I realize

I love you 

-Addy 

Author's Note

Is it fine? Do I need to make any changes? Plz give suggestion

Reviews

[Mk.t.g]

Love the concept here, Addy!

[JENNY]

It’s so fine to read that “I love it”. The rhyme is so amazing and I do like your concept.Keep going ahead my friend. Have a nice day

[Addy]

Thank you ❣

[JENNY]

Your most welcome dear

[W. Barrett Munn]

A little clarification:
in syllable count your first stanza establishes this rhythm: 65553

If the second stanza repeated the same amount of syllables in each line: 65553,
you would establish a rhythm, something the reader grows to expect.

Then extra emphasis is thrown onto that long line that starts the third stanza.

Then you return to finish the poem in the 65553 pattern,

This is how exceptional teachers of poetry like James Longenbach explain the process - these are the decisions the poet makes in creating a poem.

[W. Barrett Munn]

This is quite nice. One thing to think about: Rhythm can be established by syllables-(see some of Marianne Moore’s poetry for examples).
Then, when you break whatever rhythm you have established it brings emphasis and interest to that line. (see “We’ll Go No More a Rowing ” by Lord Byron to see example of creating then breaking rhythm).

And as it is is fine, too.

[Addy]

I'll be sure to check it out! Thank you for your feedback