Relay

This is a sports poem but not about the action of the events but the detail of the sportsmen. This piece took me about 10 minutes whilst watching television.

Relay

 

The grass forced to mush,

The first foot advances,

The adrenaline rushes,

The second foot in a trance.

 

The right arm extends,

The wrist tenses,

The grass under the back foot amends,

The rush forward from the fence.

 

The eyes shift,

The sweat drips,

The movement swift,

The swing in the hips.

 

The baton in hand,

The ally near,

The pass smooth as sand,

The next runner gets a cheer.

 

The race at an end,

The finish in sight,

The baton been passed,

The relay won tonight.

Author's Note

I did not enjoy the ending very much, I think it could have been drastic instead of victory; I may write a version 2, what do you think? By the way, does anyone actually like it?

Reviews

[Denise]

This is a cute poem. I liked the short phrases you used that when I read it it actually reads like someone panting while they run. Good job

I also think you could boost the ending to the poem to make it a solid/interesting conclusion. However what you wrote works well too.

[patricia]

I liked its tone, good description, thankyou that was good, I thought the ending was ok..ish, would like to see your version 2.

[Genesis]

I think It's okay, it gives a lot of detail about the excitement of a relay race :)