Sonnet I – A corpse on the shoreline

I yearn for you...

Sitting alone at a deserted shoreline,

Under cold gale from land of nevermore,

Near fire seeking warmth as visions unwind,

By its shadow chasing specters of yore.

 

How magnificent the Fire's embers are!

Stolen apace by mute winds of fortune,

As they sprawl and vanish like burning stars,

And I feel heat upon my frozen skin.

 

The flame’s trance draws my soul into a dance,

Beneath a pendant of recant history,

With my shy love I share a pining glance,

And sink in her black eyes of mystery.

 

The pendant then fades out, and the fire dies,

A lonely tear drops, and my cold corpse lies

Author's Note

What do you think?
Please feedback!

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

nicely imaged poem.

the reference could be to a lost love or just to the sea itself...

Poe-ish with the corpse on the shoreline, the black water, like the blackness in my life as i have drowned in longing for what i don't have anymore.

nice work.

jacob

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

I much enjoy how you break my poems apart!
Thank you very much! :)

[The Iron Horseman]

Nicely done. The imagery is excellent, but the message is a bit ambiguous. Is the corpse dying of lost love, or is it thinking of its lost love as it dies? Or is it purely metaphorical?

[Horselvvr]

I live how descriptive you are, and i also like the way it ends :)

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you! much humbled

[s y e]

This was very well written. Tragic but you got the emotion really well :-)
Well done.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you
i am humbled

[s y e]

Anytime! :-)

[Hadeel ( Charming Fairy..]

Beautiful but tragic :(

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

yeah... thanks, Hadeel!

[sue]

very deep. I liked it. :)

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you, Sue
really honored by your comments

[Tarry Franck]

OMG - a wonderful piece. Certainly going on my shelf in my library. Bravo!

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you, Tarry! :)

[Tarry Franck]

You are quite welcomed and it was certainly an excellent piece of work!!!!:)

[Eric Cox]

A cool write. I enjoyed your penning of the poetic imagery.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Much humbled! thank you

[Eric Cox]

welcome

[Balkaran Sidhu]

this is really really beautiful piece of writing

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you! I am honored

[Tate Morgan]

Very nice very nice indeed .I know how hard a ABAB rhyme schewme can be to tell a tale and do it within a formulated rhyme beautiful work indeed .

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

I am ever so humbled :)
And you can notice I couldnt help being influenced by David's hidden rhyme " Stanza 3, line 1"

[Tate Morgan]

oh yeah i never miss a thing in structure i noticed everything It is great .Others claim open prose is great .i disagree if great poetry were easy everyone would master it .It is because it si hards and demands a bit of of a talent that few become masters

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

I totally, unconditionally agree!