Trip the darkness

Lost and defeated! A poem about the current world as I see it

By a path obscure and lonely,
Haunted by morbid angels only.
I voyage into burning darkness,
And await for the reign of madness.

That place wherein you hear no steps,
Nor ailed shouts of dying lips.

No pulse within fading veins,
No one cares to hear the pain.

In darkness current, the flow of tears,
I wander with screaming memories.
Past fangs clinging to my injured back,
A marred giant, spiteful and black!

As the indigo carpet fall,
And its pearls on ground roll,
With my tears they mix and shine,
So dim and sore my eyes go blind.

Specters dance in sheer shadow.
Pictures of joy raped by sorrow.
Eidolons wave as they fly upright,
To melt with falling pearls of light.

I fall in seas of flowing dark,
With nothing but a silent heart.
I feel waves drifting me far,
As I watch my life fall apart.

All stars drown in the dark sea,
And my once upon a time dreams.
I can no longer save them all,

I lie so numb and watch them fall.

Destroying any sense of time!
And shed astray without a rhyme,
Upon the tides I ride away,
Leaving slowly... Departing bay.

Reviews

[David Lewis Paget]

Hunted or haunted by dead angels? I'd like to see a little more punctuation, Adam, comma after 'only', full stop after 'madness', shouts 'from' dying lips(,) and let that final line run without the exclamation mark. I won't go through the entire poem, but comma after 'giant, fall(s), stop after 'blind'. An interesting piece, though rather a personal view and perhaps a little obscure. If it hadn't been for the note at the top of the poem, I would have wondered what it was about.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you Mr.David!
This is exactly what I am looking for! Some serious criticism!
i admit that this is my major flaw, those small things!
I will edit it
And I agree its a little too personal and obscure,and I understand that poetry should be a secret, riddle or too personal, but I meant it to be that way!
Never intended to publish it, its just something I wrote for myself

[vspjaguar]

nicely written! we both have this darkness in common..

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you! And yeah i noticed so

[TheJordBaker]

My favourite piece of yours I've encountered so far, for sure. Abstract, yet still I feel the voice's thoughts with in my own head. The flow and rhyme scheme are natural and this feels like an effortlessly quality piece of writing.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you, my friend!
Your testimony I treasure and hold proudly!

[LA Lorena]

Lovely cadence to this, you write very well. I'm not usually a fan of the dark stuff, but you could sway me.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

I am ever so pleased to hear so!
:)

[Rob Santana]

This is a well penned piece. Good job.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

Thank you! i am humbled