Chasing sunset

Life.. Meh

The low sun drops before poetic eyes,
growing dark is overtaking the light.
I'm chasing sunset to avoid the night,
Because all my dreams are haunted by lies.

In the end there's no way, I cannot win,
sinning once again, as I'm beginning
to follow the flow of a rhyme inside,
You won't believe what you'll see in these Eyes.

Reviews

[Fatum]

Man this piece has such juice in it... What you have here is a big piece of meat that has a bunch of fat around it.... trim the fat and let the images speak for them self!

You try to force lines that rhyme but you just add a sing song feel to it...

I really love this poem... If I was to trim some fat from this it would look something like this...



Chasing Sunset

The low sun drops before poetic eyes, 
growing dark is overtaking the light. 

I'm chasing sunset to avoid the night, 

In the end there's no way, I cannot win, 
sinning once again, I'm only beginning 

You won't believe what you'll see in those Eyes.

[Benita-Staebell M - Kin..]

as I'm beginning
to follow the flow of a rhyme inside,
You won't believe what you'll see in these Eyes.


The low sun drops before poetic eyes,
growing dark is overtaking the light.
I'm chasing sunset to avoid the night,
Because all my dreams are haunting by lies.



Beautiful nicely penned Thank you for
sharing this wonderful piece of work.


The eyes are the window to
the soul.



Blessings. kindred poet