Potato, Potah-to

Some people just don't understand there is a HUGE difference between a citizen's simple job, and being a crazy killer.

Some would call me Psycho Homicidal Manic, others, a Respectable and Efficient Garbage Man, Potato,Potahto.

I’m best in my class really. Top of the line.

A normal man would probably have a death sentence in more than 50 states, but not me. I have a way with people. In fact most people appreciate what I do. The ones who don’t..well they don’t understand, I’m simply making the world a better place.  

You may have guessed it already but to tell you plainly, I’m an executioner. It is my job to rid the earth of the people who would stir up trouble.

My current job is to exterminate this guy Cole Thompson, boring name, I know but I’ve heard he is really quite dangerous. I was tipped off..told outright where he should be by his mother. Now don’t start feeling all bad for his mother, she won’t feel all betrayed and guilty, she obviously knows why I want to find him.

I’m now heading for New York City, (such a generic place, right?) when you’ve traveled the country it’s quite anticlimactic, really wanted to go to a new place.

Journal Entry - - - - 18:00 May 26th

I’m driving there now, well not this very second, I’m sitting at a rest stop, but I’m pretty close. I’ve been hanging out at lake Champlain in Vermont. Quite enjoyable stay. The lake is quite good for fishing and the lighthouses I’ve been touring are very interesting as well as relaxed. I might move there someday. Back to business, I’m continuing driving.

Journal Entry - - - - 23:00 May 26th

It’s been about 5 1/2 hours but I’ve finally gotten through the traffic to New York. After finding a Hotel in NYC I have decided to retire for the night, nearly 6 hours of driving tires, you, (tires, sorry done with the puns). Also I don’t like driving very much, I drive very safely I just prefer taking trains, I like the view. Views are actually some of my favorite things. If at some point this world becomes a better place and my services are no longer needed, maybe I’ll live out the rest of my days sightseeing, for now I’m content to just look along the way.

I need to go so I can call Mrs. Thompson to ask Exactly where her husband I might be, apparently his mother is extremely unspecific, her instructions could lead to two completely different places.

Journal Entry - - - -19:00 May 27th

After an enjoyable tour of American Museum of Natural History and a trip to Liberty Island I headed back to the hotel to get changed and find the party. I’d heard it’s invite only, but I was sure I could get in anyway. I grab the address that his wife gave me and follow it, by the way I REALLY suggest a taxi when trying to get anywhere because the parking everywhere was terrible. I had to park like two miles away from where I was trying to go.

When I get to the door I knock and a young lady opens it.

“Invitation?” she asks holding out her hand.

“Sorry, no” I say for some reason talking in a British accent. “May I gate crash though? I flew all the way from London to see my dear friend Cole, and I must leave at 7 tomorrow.”

“You a Brit?” She asked fluttering her eyelashes at me, I pretended not to notice.

“I do believe I implied that,” I answer, hey come on I’m not straight out lying.

“Well..I suppose..I was told to not let anyone without an invitation come in..but I could make one exception, just don’t tell anyone you don’t have an invite.”

“Of course not, and thank you madam, I shall be forever in your favor I leaned down and kissed her hand.

Okay so maybe I was over doing it, but still it was fun and it worked.

She let me in and then left giggling.

Ladies are sooooo easy to charm.

Journal Entry - - - - 21:00 May 27th

I walk around and chat with people at the party, for some reason I stick with the British accent, it’s not too much of a problem I’ve been to England many a time and I fake it okay. I see my friend a little later and decide to take action. It’s of course then that I realize I don’t have my pistol on me. Oh well, I’ll just grab a knife from the kitchen, quieter anyway.

I walk into the kitchen, there I find a grumpy old lady scolding a little child.

“NO COMING INTO THE KITCHEN! YOU’LL DISRUPT THE STAFF AND CAUSE TROUBLE!”

I begin searching for a knife.

“Can I help you sir?” The same old lady asked after sending the child out.

“Yes, thank you,” I said. “I’m looking for a knife, thin but sturdy knife.”

She then did something I though impossible from such a grump, she smiled, “Second drawer to your left.”

“Thank you very much.”

I take a nice knife and slip it into the pocket of my jacket. Then I head out to find where my friend has gotten to.

Journal Entry - - - - 22:00 May 27th  

When I finally find him I beckon to Cole to come over.

“Let’s take a walk outside” I said. He looked around, all the other guests were busy chatting or dancing.

“All right,” he said, “Am I supposed to know you?” that brought a smile to my lips.

“Well I am supposed to be your best friend, but no you don’t know me.”Cole raised an eyebrow.

After we were no longer in the midst of things I put my hand in the pocket of my coat pulling out the knife but keeping it out of view.

“I brought you out here because, I didn’t want to alarm the other guests. My friend, but you have gotten on the wrong side of the authorities.” My hand twirled the blade slightly behind my back.

Cole seemed slightly perplexed, but I’m sure it was all a play. “Is this about the speech I gave about the..” I held up my hand to stop him. “ I need not know all the the details, just tell you this, it is unwise for a man to try to change what is not in his control.” I said this because I don’t remember what he did to deserve to die.

“Is this a warning?”

“No,” I replied, “It’s a sentence,” as I said these words I plunged the knife into his chest. He did the usual dying things. Gasping, bleeding, yatta,yatta but I paid little attention. After he was dead I dragged the corpse and disposed of it in the outside recycling bin, I’ve arranged one of friends, a garbage man I met yesterday, to empty the trash tonight. I took off my coat and threw in in my car then headed back into the party.

I was wearing my long rain jacket, that I disposed of, when I did away with him so there is no blood or anything on me. I dance with some beautiful ladies and chat with some merry men. About an hour later a women walked up to me and asked if I might know where she would find Mr. Thompson.

“Ahh..Cole” I said looking somewhat forlorn. “Keep this quiet, but I’m afraid he had a dispute with the police. Not sure were he wound up but from what I heard the charges against him were quiet serious.”

“No! Not Mr. Thompson,” she said in a shocked voice.

“I’m afraid so.”

“Well..I guess I’ll be going.” She turned to go.

“Wait. Perhaps I can be of assistance?” Her face brightened.

“Perhaps, but first how about dancing to this jig it’s quite merry.”

“As you wish!” I laughed.

Ahh that was a happy night. Today I am heading back to Vermont, I’ll do some packing, and then from there I’ll fly to Oregon, quite a nice relaxing place.

Journal Entry - - - - 14:00 June 2nd

I’m in Oregon, in the slow paced city of Salem. Specifically at the Starbucks on Jorie lane. I always take a celebratory trip to Starbucks after a successful mission.

I walk up to the counter and decide on ordering a flat white mocha, I considered the unicorn drink but it’s too unhealthy.

I probably shouldn’t even drink a flat white, but after today I’m going off dairy for a while so I might as well drink it while I can.

I hand the cashier a good friend of mine a ten dollar bill.

“Keep the change!” I say, well why not I’m in a good mood.

The cashier eyes me curiously, “feeling British?”

“Oh! That sorry, bad habit” I say once again in an American accent, (do American’s have accents, I don’t know) and I laughing realizing that I had been talking in a British accent accidentally.

I take my Mocha and sit down to consider my next job.

My next Target… I have gotten intelligence that there is someone close by who may try and hinder me. Someone who I may not be able to convince I’m right. Someone who has been spying on me, someone who may have even read this Journal. Well my Mocha is gone and I have more trash to dispose of. Have to go for now.   

Reviews

[Delmar Cooper]

Enjoyed the breezy style, an interesting counter weight to the subject. It does make the crazy guy sound crazier though. You may not have intended that. I wouldn't know. There are some grammatical missteps, typos really. Thanks for sharing.