Chapter 1

Anariel fell from heaven for the most cliché of reasons.


She'd heard mortals refer to it as “falling in love.” Anariel chuckled at that. It was the best description she'd heard yet. When she'd been assigned to watch over him, Anariel never thought she'd feel anything beyond compassion and the love of friendship. But as the days passed, Anariel's heart fluttered as she looked at him. Her stomach did flips every time she thought of him. She ached to be near him and every day her heart broke at the distance. She sobbed at night as she would curl up as compact as she could and wrap her arms around herself, wishing that she could feel his warm presence at her back, his strong arms wrapped around her, holding her tight and letting her know that everything was okay, yet knowing that that could never be.


Even just thinking it made her cringe. Her friends and guides would shake their heads in shame as they spoke of her, warning the young ones against following her path into unrighteousness, wondering aloud where she'd went wrong. Of course, there were others who strayed from their Father's side, others who had fallen from heaven, letting go of their Grace as they fell to Earth. To the realm of mortality and sin. Some for evil and hell and power. Those that had lost themselves to the cold, seductive grasp of ambition. Then, there were those who had let a mortal have their heart or body. Anariel had always looked at those in pity and confusion. She wasn't that foolish. No, Anariel was smarter than that. She would never give up her life for another being. Until she did.


Her friends and associates realized something was wrong pretty quickly. “Anariel, what has gotten into you?” they would ask when she started to let her work go. “This isn't like you. You're an angel of the Lord and you need to uphold you're responsibilities.” And she tried, she really did, to do her best work, but it was difficult when all she could think of was his face and his troubles and wondering just how he smelled and what his work-roughened hands would feel like... She would try to banish those sinful thoughts, but when all was dark and it was her turn to rest, she couldn't help reaching her hand down between her legs, keeping his face in her mind.


She could feel the looks the other angels gave her as she walked about, almost, but not quite, able to hear the hushed whispers behind her back. “Something's going on with her...” “I heard it's a human...” “No! Surely not!”


Sometimes, when she was alone, she'd whisper his name to herself over and over, testing how the syllables felt. “Matthew,” she'd say. “Maaatthhhh-yew. Math-eeeww. Mat. Matty. Mathew.” She never tired of hearing his name, though, she knew it was wrong.


She was watching over him once when she saw a woman speaking to him. A beautiful woman. Curly red hair, slim, petite, with ocean blue eyes. After that, Anariel became worried about her physical appearance for the first time. She'd glance in the water or reflective dishes, for there was no need for mirrors in heaven, and wonder if she was pretty. She started comparing herself to the human women she'd seen, and there was no doubt that, while she had human features and proportions, there was something decidedly different about the appearance of angels and humans.


The angels were moderately taller and more willowy. Their coloring was different. Anariel's violet eyes and extremely pale hair wasn't strange among the angels, however, would stand out around the humans. And angels had Grace that shone through in a subtle glow that humans didn't have.


As Matthew's guardian, she spent the majority of her time watching over him. Tears would fall from her eyes as she had to let him make mistakes, watch idly by as he suffered. He lived an existence of pain and abuse that no one, especially one that young, should ever experience. She had to watch as his “father” hit him, when Matthew would pick up a bottle of alcohol to drown his pain, as he made decisions that were bad for him. She listened when he damned their true Father at night, tears in his eyes screaming at someone he didn't believe in for forcing him to live in such a terrible existence. She heard when he asked members of the church attempting to guide him to the light what type of God would allow such pain to exist? .


Anarial wanted to interfere and wrap him in her Grace and make it better. But, the rules were clear. Humans had free-will. She couldn't make him act in any way. And she couldn't remove him from his home nor change anything. But, she was only there to make sure nothing happened before it was his time to come home. If he prayed for her help or cried out in pain from the depth of his soul, she could be there to help him through it and comfort him. But nothing more. For the first time, Anariel felt her faith challenged. Why was such pain and evil allowed to prevail? However, she would make herself close her eyes at times like these and remind herself that everything had a reason and that the pain felt on earth was never eternal. Even with that knowledge, though, she would still feel her shoulders wracked with sobs and her heart filled with grief.


She helped when she could, though. At night, when he had trouble falling asleep, she'd hum a lullaby and lull him softly to sleep and banish the nightmares that always seemed to want to overtake him. “It's okay,” she'd whisper, knowing that he couldn't hear her.


Then, the day that she knew would come did.


“Anariel,” a tilting, musical voice sang. Anariel looked up to see Eloa standing and looking concerned.


“Yes, Eloa?” Anariel said, looking up at the dark haired angel's concerned green eyes.


“We are becoming very concerned for you, sister,” she said.


“We?” Anariel questioned, before noticing that Adriel, a beautiful male seraphim, had been standing there, too. “Oh, well, perhaps I have been distracted of late,” Anariel conceded.


“So we've noticed, dear one,” Adriel said, his golden eyes expressing sorrow.


Anariel hung her head in shame. “I am deeply sorry,” she said, feeling tears build up in her eyes. “I- I don't know what is happening. But, this human, he is all I can think of and it scares me.”


“I commend you for your honesty, sister,” Adriel said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “It is nothing to be ashamed of. Some of our brethren forget that Father built these humans in his image and deeply loves them and that we are to do the same. And forgetting that can be a dangerous thing. Brother Lucifer did, and that was the greatest tragedy of them all. But,” and at this, Adriel's hands tightened on her shoulders and Anariel looked up into his suddenly firm eyes, “you must also not let yourself lust for this boy. Love him and care for him as though he were your child, but, Anariel, never let yourself fall into the evils of the Grigori. Remember, you are a messenger and a guardian.”


Anariel looked in shock at Adriel and swiped at her tear filled eyes, even as Eloa sucked in air between her teeth. “I would never become a Watcher, Adriel, never,” she swore adamantly.


“I know, child,” Adriel said, lightly brushing his lips to the top of her head in a gentle kiss. “But we often forget how easy it is to fall into the traps of sin. Eve was only curious about the apple and Lucifer only loved god. Neither saw they were sinning at the time, despite being told by Father that what they were doing were sins. What I'm saying Anariel is, trust Father's judgment. Not your own, for, as the humans say, the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest.”


And that was the end of the conversation. But, try as she might, Anariel couldn't change the way she felt. So, finally, with a broken heart, she went to Asroilu, guardian angel of the seventh heaven and head of the Guardians.


“Asroilu?” she said, approaching the powerful angel.


“Anariel, hello child,” he said with a kindly smile. Anariel couldn't help but grin at him. Asroilu truly did have a gift at making it seem as though everything would be okay.


“Hello, Asroilu,” she said respectfully. It was silent for a moment as Asroilu studied Anariel.


“What troubles you?” he asked after a moment.


“Oh, Asroilu! I need to be reassigned,” she replied tragically, feeling tears in her eyes.


“Anariel, you know I can't do that. Your soul is bound your charge's. That can't be undone. And, even if it could, I would not. Now, tell me, why would you wish such a thing? Do you not love Matthew?” he asked.


“That's the problem. I love him too much.”


“You can never love too much. It is the most precious commodity that ever was and unlike other 'precious' things, it has no limit.”


“But I do, Asroilu! I love him differently than I should. I can only think about him and it's breaking my heart. I- I fear for myself,” she finished in a whisper.


“Anariel, many others before you have fallen prey to the trappings of lust before. Do not let yourself become one of them.”


And that was the end of the conversation.


Everyday, Anariel prayed to stop feeling like this. She begged for her sight to be cleared of temptation and for self-control and clarity. However, weeks of unanswered prayers left her desperate and more miserable than ever. Soon, she found herself becoming guilty of more and more sins. Wrath that people were hurting her Matthew (and more and more often, she found herself thinking of him as her's), greed in that she wanted him, lust for him, and envy over those who got to be near him. Envy for humans in general, who were allowed to sin, who had their father's love, and who were allowed to love each other. She found herself angrier as the days passed at the unfairness of it all. Until, finally, she could take no more.


She snuck off one night, to a relatively isolated area. She took one last deep breath, inhaling the clean, fresh air, closed her eyes and just let herself feel for a moment, luxuriating the silence of her home. Tears flower down her cheeks in rivers, yet she did nothing to stop them. It seemed right that she cry at this point. Sorrow was appropriate.


After her moment of solitude and silence, Anariel slowly knelt down on the hard floor. She bowed her head, letting her tears freely fall and watching entranced as the droplets of water hit the marble floor, before closing her eyes.


“Father, I am sorry I have failed you,” she said aloud, hearing her trembling voice echo through the chamber.


And, with that, Anariel cast herself from Heaven and Fell to earth. All for a boy.