Night Terrors

The fear penetrates my sanity;

it takes my thoughts captive. 

You'd think it was a nightmare...

But nothing jumps from underneath my bed.

Nothing pops out of my closet.

More like naive-mares.

The night terrors don't leave me.

They are called upon by the moon,

Urged onward by my inevitable

entrance into the world of sleep.

Sleep terrors.

Ironic.

I can't sleep.

I've become an Insomniac,

part of some dark abyss of fear.

Author's Note

Please review and critique harshly!

Reviews

[dukovan]

I like the idea of naive-mares. It's like we're more scared of what we don't know. Well put, gets a little redundant towards the end. Is suggest rewriting this, or at least explore this idea further, perhaps some more imagery or simile's. I did enjoy this though.

[Lena Rossmore]

thank you for the feedback! i'll definitely try to rework the ending :)

[T. Logan]

I LOVE naive mares. That's some good wordplay. This really captures the horror of nightmares. Waking up in a cold sweat with your heart racing really sucks.

[Lena Rossmore]

thank you !

[Lost in Wonderland]

Nice poem. The fear of the narrator is tangable, well done!

[Lena Rossmore]

thank you so much :)

[Lost in Wonderland]

No problem at all, i really like your work:) keep it up

[Lena Rossmore]

again, thank you. i love your work also :)

[Lost in Wonderland]

Again, no prob. And thank you too:)

[Serenity Faith]

Nicely done Ace ^_^ The ending sounds slightly off to me, but maybe that's just me or because you said dark abyss twice? Or maybe if you used dark abyss again with never ending fear? I dunno....all the same I liked it in general. Keep up the good work.

[Lena Rossmore]

thank you so much! and i get what you mean, I'm rewriting the ending now :)

[Serenity Faith]

anytime ^_^ Glad I could be of help

[Skye]

I can critique nothing, this is so well written I love it!

[Lena Rossmore]

thank you so much!