Dear Sister

Dedicated to my Dear Sister

You are an angel in disguise.

You are intelligent and wise.

Having a sister like you is a gift

Sometimes between us there’s a split.

 

I treasure the moments that we’d laugh together

I try to shoot jokes to make you feel better

Whether it’s a silly joke or corny

You laugh at them to make me happy

 

I share my secrets, coz’ you understand me

You shared yours, coz’ you trust me.

You are always there for me

Good times and bad time.

If I’m not there- please forgive me-

With you when you need me.

 

Whether it’s s silly joke or about that person in the corner

You’re open to me, which I honor.

That smiles and frowns on your picture I treasure

Stays there on your face forever I make sure.

I regret for the moments that we fight

Coz’ I believe that you are right.

 

May be our promises will fade

But sure in my heart you will hide

may be we have fight in many way

But couldn’t have survived life without you along the way

 

If I had one wish, it would surely be

To give you as a sister in my all lives

you’ve been my sunshine in so many ways.

In this world no one is perfect.

But in my world you’re Miss Perfect

 

I am very glad to have you as a sister

You give me tons of laughter

You are the best friend I've ever had.

My gratitude for you has no end.

 

 

Author's Note

Forgive me for the mistakes- Like to get critic reviews to make this more good.- Editing help from- Tabby Mac. Thanks Tabby Mac

Reviews

[Tabby Mac]

I love to red tributes to loved ones. Especially siblings because I don’t have any. The thoughts are beautiful! You started off really strong...near the middle I think is where your words are heartfelt but seems like your wrestling between rhyme and the right words to describe your sister. This is a great first draft. I’d reread it a few times. If you rework a few lines it would really keep the momentum going till the end! The one stanza ends with me almost every line. You almost have it! The message is AWESOME! And the heart is definitely there!! I look forward to your revision!
Tabby

[Abraham George]

I appreciate your comments and i wish you give some suggestions. Please help me to make it more good.

[Abraham George]

And i really love sisters because i really don't have one. I really need one and now i have one cute little sister. So i am pouring all my love that i kept these years for a sister towards her.

[Tabby Mac]

That’s lovely! I shall try and give some specifics! I’ll message them to you!
Tabby

[Abraham George]

i am waiting for that.

[Anjali]

Very sweet and very adorable. I found joy in reading this. This is not your best piece but it is also not bad. I liked the flow of it. And it made me smile. Beautiful!

[Abraham George]

Thanks for reading and comments here. I am glad to know that you liked.

[Anjali]

You are welcome!

[wordman]

that is a sweet tribute to tour sister,real friends are hard to find

[Abraham George]

She is my dearest friend and i adopted her as my little sister with her permission.

[KCthelastboyscout]

Beautiful and very touching.I hope your bond with your sister is endless and never disrupted. Well done

[Abraham George]

Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my work. I am glad to know that you liked it.

[Paul Bell]

Think your sister will be pleased the poem.
Sometimes we don't bestow enough affection on our brothers and sisters.

[Abraham George]

Yes she liked it very much.

[JayG]

Were I your sister, I would appreciate the heartfelt words. But looked at as someone who is not, the question is: do I feel the words are those I might use for my own sister? If not, I'll write my own.

In other words, do they resonate with emotion that''s universal? Are the poetic, and an especially moving WAY of saying, "Sister I love you?" Or are they simply a recap of things personal between you and her?

For example, you say, "Whether it’s s silly joke or about that person in the corner." I'm certain that's meaningful between you and her, and recalls situations shared. But does it apply to me?

See what I mean? Your task is to involve the reader emotionally. Ideally, the reader finishes, and says, "I wish I could say it that well, and meaningfully."

In other words, will they want to use it themself, or simply lean that you love your sister?

Move your reader, emotionally. Make them care. The highest complement you could receive would a note saying:

"Thank you. I showed my system this, and said that's how I feel, and she hugged me."

So edit from that perspective.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[Abraham George]

Thanks for the effort and i write this to convey my sister how much i care her. Do in that perspective is this good enough?

[JayG]

Well, I know you care for her. But I learned that in S1.

So when you say you treasure the moments spent with her, isn't that inherent to "You are an angel in disguise."?

Look at Browning's How Do I Love Thee?
https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/how-do-i-love-thee-sonnet-43

Instead of telling the reader why she loves this person, she tells of the ways that love rages within her, and how it shapes her.

So where your approach, so right, and so personal for talking to your sister, tells us why you love her—something of interest to her, and those who know you, Browning talks about how love effects us all, giving EVERY reader something to relate to.

So my point was that not being a relative, and not knowing your sister, I can "know" but not be moved. And since you posted it for comment...

The key is to work to move the reader, not inform them. The problem is that in our years of schooling we learned only how to inform, because that's the kind of writing our future employers prize.

That means that when we turn to poetry or fiction, without realizing it, we're writing to inform, because no one ever told us that our goal is to entertain, titillate, and move the reader, emotionally.

So it's not a fault, or a failing, it's just that we have to overcome our training and make the reader live the poem, rather than nod and say, "Uh-huh." And as you've already learned, it's anything but easy.

But that's why they pay poets big bucks. 😁

[Abraham George]

I take this as a valuable tips an i will try to improve.

[Abraham George]

So when you say you treasure the moments spent with her, isn't that inherent to "You are an angel in disguise."?

This is becoz i met her here in Writer's Cafe and i didn't saw her in real- So she is an angel in Disguise?

The moments meant the time we spent here on mails.

[Jes' Pi]

Wow...
Well, the poem is very sentimental (to me) and very strong. I think your sister is very happy to have such a poetic brother, haha!

100/100

[Abraham George]

100/100? wow that's make me really happy.

Thanks

[Jes' Pi]

You're welcome.

[marilyn 1225]

a FABULOUSLY LOVING poem for your sister it sure looks like you are a great devoted brother and that you have a very strong BOND.... GOOD WORK on this poem!

[Abraham George]

Thanks for the comments .

[Amrita]

I love reading it :) It is always pleasure to read your compositions :)

[Abraham George]

Thanks for the comments and compliments.

[Angelheart1]

This is a very sweet Tribute poem dedicated to your sister and I hope you have shared it with her. As you’ve shown through your words, there will always be a connection through the good, bad and ugly times in life - always family. Angelheart

[Abraham George]

Yes i have shared it with her and she liked.
Thanks for reading my works and commenting on it. I am glad to know that you like.

[Angelheart1]

You are welcome Abraham.

[Karen Redburn]

Tender and honest musings on the relationship between a brother and a sister. I have one brother and was nodding in agreement as I read this piece. Love it!

[Abraham George]

I am happy to know that you can relate. Thanks for your comments .