This is very good but i believe the order of syllables is 5, 7, 5 not 4, 6, 5. But that was all i picked up! I see that you entered this into my competition and i already marked you as one of the finalist! You are the first submission so there is still competition but who knows! You could be the winner and if not I'm sure there will be many more competitions for you to enter and improve your writing! (the thing i picked out isn't that big of a deal plus there could be more haiku types that i'm unaware of! This is of course still considered a haiku so don't get discouraged!) Love your work! Keep writing! :) x