my addiction

I swear guys, i just don't know about myself anymore. -where did the child go, the one in faded photographs?-

while I'm still innocent
my addiction lies
within my mind

could never try to understand it
my mental filth is something that
just is, always was

I've tried countless times,
things to erase it for a while,
forever. but it's always temporary.
tenporarily fixing me,
nothing works.

I hate myself,
love my insanity because
I should love myself apparently
and lately thats all i am

where did the child go?
the happy one in faded photographs,
merely a taunt now, a vicious blow
to my ego
I'm twisted and sick,
try to be lovely but im always just lonely

why can't anyone help me,
I've got an addiction too
an addiction to my self hate,
the whispers in my head

what's happening to me?
what HAS happened?

I can only spit these words
a random jumble of thoughts
and worries
that keep me awake at night, ceiling
burned into my mind

I just need help,
help me

Author's Note

gosh. im scaring myself. i just hurt so much, think too much. everything else, not enough..