Gift Mall Race Jingle (Xmas-'24)

A Story by Abishai100

Movie fanfiction of the Arnold (Schwarzenegger) charmer about Xmas-shopping mad-race for a culture-coveted robot-toy worth unspoken jitters.

Jingle All the Way (Arnold Schwarzenegger) adaptation for Xmas. Thanks for reading!

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I had had it with my overworked architecture office stuff for Xmas-'24 and found some extra credit reason to find some getaway consciousness when my mail-order-bride and our babe-child sought some holiday-season charm without the capitalism nonsense of overworking father-caregiver feelings for American Homeland record (Facebook-like!).

ESMERELDA (Wife): I got us this Ellis Island photo-print for record, husband.

ME: Quite-cool, Ezzy...me thinks to get our child a special pop-popular Xmas-toy!

ESMERELDA: Oh, that Scorpion-robot transforming gem everyone's been chatting?

ME: That's the one...and there's a special offer for my office for raffle-win for it.

ESMERELDA: Yes, the item's quite hot and rare now, as pre-orders chalk the States already.

ME: I know it; and it's why your photo of the Island shall draw me to win this raffle.

ESMERELDA: Selfie-like (good).

I drew Esmerelda ('Ezzy') and my child a special Xmas-consumerism parody '24 season doodle-stick figure avatar character for shopping complex insanity before darting to claim my prize scorpion-robot transforming trophy toy for my baby child after claiming a co-win of the office raffle. The other half was claimed by a mail-room clerk, and we had to race to claim the robot trophy. My consumerism doodle character ("Evil_Elf") I decided would catch all the ghost-magic of what made holiday shopping both a dream and a nightmare (for the Ego).

STANLEY: I know you're the other-half contender from the office, pal.

ME: Stan, I know you want the toy like I do...but I've more at stake now, pal.

STANLEY: Well, I know from mail-room gossip you've got a mail-order bride and all!

ME: The toy robot is for our child, Stan...and I've earned this laurel.

STANLEY: Man, I've worked in the mail-room forever...I won't lose this to ya.

ME: Facebook-like.

Stanley and I were now engaged in a death-race to the mall to see who'd claim the half-raffle prize message with that added addendum, "The winner is who claims the mall item as the walking-race winner...first come." I felt sorry for Stanley. He worked in that office as mail-room guy forever, and we all liked him. However, I couldn't lose for Esmerelda's sake and our child. This was lots at stake (for us!). Meanwhile, Ezzy (Esmerelda) hinted she wanted something of charm to ease those frowns of a workaholic hubby while she drowned some of her sorrows with our neighbor, a single-dad baker whom I never actually (seriously) trusted! Wow, my soul was on the table, and Stan/Stanley was the Devil himself (wow).

STAN: Looks like we're to play mall-elf for Santa here to see who gets the robot trophy for the office.

ME: I'll be a better Elf than you, Mister Stanley...for you are the Devil himself (ha).

STAN: Hey, Santa shall like me better.

ME: Not when I show him my Ellis Island postcard-print I made at the office, like my house-portrait.

STAN: Cool (Selfie-like).

Stanley won the prize from the shopping complex Santa's bag (damn). He earned it, honestly. However, I was heartbroken and devastated, as I had to compromise my own secret heart-strings to consent to such humility during the mad shopping complex season of Xmas-'24. Just as I was about to take my Elf-costume hat off and walk away from the mall-Santa half-sobbing, this Santa Claus shocked the hell out of me and revealed in his bag he had a 2nd scorpion-transforming robot trophy-toy, and this one was mine (ha)! I thanked him, and he said, "It's because you're a good sport for letting this overworked mailman win the 1st-announcement here today, good American." I ran home to tell my wife, to make her happier, and I thought he best suddenly (ironically) of that eccentric mail-room guy for the first time (Stan/Stanley). Merry Xmas to all who find the wisdom of holiday-shopping jagged edge (wow).