Valentine: The Los Angeles Diamond Caper

Shiva/Saraswati descend to LA for a diamond-adventure involving a dash of vigilantism...and a dose of violet.

A romantic blood-diamond adventure inspired by A Fish Called Wanda. Enjoy! 

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On the snowy mountaintops of the fabled Himalayas, the two Eastern deities Shiva (god of destruction/meditation) and Saraswati (goddess of learning/music) were musing about courting a romantic Earth-adventure together as transformed humanoids or 'people' of the USA. Shiva/Saraswati were courting a special secret love-affair that was unknown to all the other gods but which re-presented their special sentimental commitment to an unusual other-worldly adventure or energy. They decided to come down from the mountains for this secret adventure.

SHIVA: We'll become a Bonnie and Clyde duo in Los Angeles.

SARASWATI: I hope you know what you're doing, honey!

Shiva became the Algerian-American diamond-thief Amlan Satan, and Saraswati became the LA dance-instructor Shelbye Pointe. The two were often seen together in the cafe near Pointe's dance-studio where she began work as a ballet-teacher. Shiva/Amlan would pick her up for lunchtime coffee and bagels with cream-cheese.

Meanwhile, Amlan Satan (Shiva) recruited two LA thieves to help him plan the perfect blood-diamond heist of the baron Kuyt's conflict-gems (warlord-mined gems from Africa/Europe used to fund terrorism!) from a Los Angeles bank.

INTERPOL: Blood-diamond traffic in North America threatens the integrity of the global gem market.

The three diamond-thieves (Amlan, Marcus, Raki) set out to steal Baron Kuyt's blood-diamonds from the LA bank in February of 2010. Shiva (Amlan) decided to keep Saraswati (Shelbye Pointe) out of the heist but had her walk into the bank to open a new account for the heist during which she'd serve as a fake hostage. Amlan and his two thief-partners formed a trio for the blood-diamond heist called the Angeles Angels (AA).

"We ride into the bank area of the city on the Metro, and we hop back on with our hostage Shelbye after the heist."

The Angeles Angels (AA) walked into the LA bank that heist-day in costumes/masks and wielding what seemed to be harmless water-guns. They grabbed Shelbye Pointe (Saraswati) as the fake hostage and revealed their water-guns were actually indeed filled with corrosive acid. They instructed the guardsman and manager to be taken to the safe-box area of the vault-room where Baron Kuyt's blood-diamonds were stored safely. They explained to the manager they're from an Interpol 'group' assigned to stage fake heists for media (recordings on iPhones!) while just burning open baron banks with acid and taking photos of their Euro-gems for a special media-stunt PR-joke about North American barons being pranked by Interpol vigilantes. All the while, Amlan (Shiva) would switch the Kuyt blood-diamonds with fakes hidden in the soles of his shoes while all this circus-humor was occurring inside the LA bank.

BANK MANAGER: We honestly thought the Angeles Angels were some Interpol-linked media team, since Kuyt's got bad rep!

GUARDSMAN: I had no idea these master thieves switched Kuyt's diamonds for fakes, and we didn't discover this for a month.

"We walked out the LA bank that day holding Shelbye Pointe (Saraswati) as our fake hostage and boarded the L."

SHIVA: That was a master-subversion of an evil blood-diamond baron's holdings in the City of Angels.

SARASWATI: Can we get to the business of celebrating Valentine's Day now, honey?

SHIVA: Of course; what showmanship may come with the advent of Interpol-vigilantism!

SARASWATI: I admit, honey, I feel like a 'Bond girl' now.

SHIVA: You're my secret...admirer.

Thus ends our strange little fortunado-tale in the proverbial City of Angels involving the two Eastern deities Shiva and Saraswati who opted for a special archery-vigilante diamond adventure mixed with the right anti-depression dose of Valentine's Day magic. Diamonds will always be a girl's best friend in LA. Isn't America a place for great dogma, afterall?

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)