Kingpin: Bowling Folk-Tale!

Bowling favorite Ernie Crags is set to win the Kingpin title in the Gilmore tourney in New Jersey, but an upstart may create some televised damage!

Here's one more Laura Palmer inspired Americana-yarn, and it's featuring a USBC bowling-sports inspired folk-tale about competitive directions in New Jersey! Thanks so much for reading (and enjoy!), 

----

====

Young college students around the nation were excited about the upcoming Kingpin bowling tournament in Gilmore, New Jersey. They're blogging online about the quality of televised bowling in the 21st Century but wondering if the heavy favorite Ernie Crags is the obvious likely champion. They're wondering if anyone can challenge the great Ernie.

There is a nerdy contender this year at Gilmore, and his name is Amlan. He's an Algerian-American and former member of the CIA who dropped out of government work after being disillusioned by blood-diamond financing subversion work in the UK designed to make more bridges between Sinn Fein and the British Parliament. Now, instead of being a young government pirate in Northern Ireland, Amlan's a pro-bowler set to compete in Gilmore, New Jersey.

AMLAN: I'm going to dress up like a ninja-dancer for the Gilmore tourney, and I'll take down the favorites.

The ultimate favorite is of course the great Ernie. He's won just about every bowling trophy out there. It's rumored he's also dating the US First Lady, but there's no proof of such an outrageous rumor. Ernie's won enough bowling tourney winners' money to fund multiple yacht trips around the Pacific, but he wants this Gilmore tournament trophy, and he wants to be televised!

This Kingpin bowling-tourney in Gilmore is in honor of the great fictional American TV mystic-drama Twin Peaks crime-mystery victim Laura Palmer, an all-American prom-girl whose disappearance sparked a great manhunt for her kidnappers. Americans watched this iconic 1990s TV program religiously, and the Gilmore Kingpin bowling-tourney will showcase her iconic TV prom portrait as an avatar inspiration for the great contenders, including Ernie, who's received an endorsement from Heineken.

COORDINATOR: We care about the upkeep of our bowling-alley and the sportsmanship of the event, which is televised!

ERNIE: There's no doubt I'll be the winner in Gilmore, friends!
AMLAN: We'll see if Ernie can withstand my steady focused demo-play this year in New Jersey.

The sponsors for the Gilmore Kingpin event are handsome and well-financing. They're reflecting the grand televised theatricality of the national event, which will generate more fans of the unusual if energized sport of bowling this year, and of course feature great trophy-angels and avatars symbolizing the grandness of American competitiveness.

AMLAN: I took a lot at those Kingpin trophies this year, so I know I want one of those, and I want the big one, man.

Kingpin was set and was rolling. The top teams and their respective stars started out rocking. Amlan led the Colorado Rockies, while champion-styled Ernie led the DC Cougars in this televised New Jersey event in the 21st Century. There were lots of drinks and BBQ chicken to be enjoyed during the sporting competition. There's just something magical about New Jersey.

COORDINATOR: We hope this event will draw in more fans to New Jersey bowling alleys and sponsors too for the future.

All the teams will be showcased in their respective colorful uniforms and jerseys, and each one wants to do their sponsors proud. Heineken isn't the only major sponsor. There's also RadioShack, Circuit-City, and Popeye's. The team colors therefore reflect socialized rituals, dudes!

ERNIE: It's the fans that make this Kingpin phenomena a real masterpiece, friends.

NEW JERSEY POLICE: We'll be monitoring outside to secure all safety procedures for this media event on the East Coast.

The winner gets not only the Kingpin trophy and $1 million but also a pair of Dexter gold-embossed vintage-era bowling shoes. Another top contender for the Gilmore tourney is once star Tom Cruise, who's now a Coast Guard officer. Everyone wants those amazing gold bowling shoes, man!

MEDICAL PERSONNEL: We'll be on hand to make sure all the hygienic policies and environmental safeties are in place too.

FAN: We love coming out to Gilmore to see just who's got the dash-nerve to compete for the ultimate Kingpin title.

This is of course a co-ed tourney, and a female contender for the Kingpin trophy is Arizona's own Shelbye Collins, a master of the strike and follow-up. Some say she's the only one who'll come between Ernie and upstart Amlan. She's mighty. She's got Amlan in sweats.

AMLAN: Man, the contenders are varied and unusual, and I'm psyched I've rolled out to a 10-pin lead against these demons.

There're about 20 teams in all competing for the Kingpin title for their stars, and each team boasts a great talent. They all want to take down Amlan's Rockies and Ernie's Cougars and bring the titles away from DC and Colorado and to places like Michigan and North Carolina!

SPORTS-WRITER: What sets the human sport of bowling apart is its special spotlight on the nature of competitive dance.

KINGPIN FAN: We like the co-ed and multicultural feel of this Gilmore tournament in New Jersey and endorse the TV rating!

Ernie, Shelbye, and Amlan are the top-3 in the end of the competition, and the winning trophy presenter is an Ancient Egypt costumed pharaoh-queen named Nyla who's presenting the $1 million check to the champion and the smaller prizes to the second and third place competitors. She secretly wants Ernie to win. However, Amlan is still ahead by just 3 pins, while Shelbye is tied with Ernie. There's just 3 racks left for competition, and Shelbye wants her team, the California Rollers, to get that prize from Nyla.

ERNIE: The only reason I lost was because Amlan was too damn decadent!

AMLAN: I managed the 1-pin victory over Shelbye with a 7-10 split miracle.
SHELBYE: Amlan pulled off the lucky-shot, but I tied Ernie for second-place for California.
NYLA: Amlan's the winner, but Ernie's generated the most endorsement money for Gilmore.

WRITER: Laura Palmer would've been proud, friends.

====

"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)