Kohen Diamond Heist: A New York Tragedy!

A Story by Abishai100

A Manhattan bureaucrat decides to try his hand at piracy to escape the reality of American daze.

One more heist vignette but with an emotional and tragic tone, inspired by Melville's Bartleby, which has been recently adapted into an excellent American film starring the great Crispin Glover. Enjoy!

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Isaac Satan was fresh out of NYU with a degree in Applied Economics and began work at a respected consultancy in Manhattan. Everyday, he commuted to work and reported to his superior, Ms. Suzanna Candle. Candle was a Manhattan shark and tried to rear Satan (Isaac) into a life of New York civil service and capitalism excellence. Isaac Satan quickly found Manhattan to be both hurried and tiring, but he was generally in love with the aura and lights of the US city!

Ms. Candle considered Satan (Isaac) a great asset in her company. Though he exhibited clear signs of boredom and apathy, his work was continually reliable and steady. He was a real Bartleby of New York, which is why Candle liked him so much. However, she simply worried he didn't fit into the brick aesthetics of Manhattan capitalism and New York work-life. She tried to advise him to try his hand at extra-curricular activities and suggested he try to be as dioramic as she!

Satan (Isaac), however, remained a punk outsider of the Manhattan breed. Though he was educated, wry, quick, resourceful, and diligent, he simply wasn't into the traffic mathematics of New York working life. He didn't want to just please his boss Candle, which he most certainly did; he wanted to feel like a 'ninja' of American life and not a 'samurai' of New York bureaucracy. Isaac Satan remained happy working but pensive about escapism!

Working at Candle's Manhattan consultancy office was like showing up at a auction designed for tie-wearing professionals in America. It was as if everything was simply a regularized and regulated boat or vessel of clockwork orange design. People showed up to work and sometimes walked together to an after-hours pub to share drinks to celebrate the work day or week. It was as clockwork as an orange, and Satan (Isaac) began to grow gray hairs thinking this wasn't the destiny he'd originally envisioned growing up reading Moby Dick and A Tale of Two Cities!

ISAAC SATAN: I wonder if I should dabble in art, and make paintings of how I view myself as a New York engineer.

It then dawned on Satan (Isaac) what he should do with his tiresome and claustrophobic life in America. Isaac decided to put on a head-gear and sunglasses and walked into the very aristocratic Jewish diamonds tore Kohen Brothers and claimed he was a foreign investor from the Middle East looking to open a Christmastime toy store in Manhattan. Isaac pulled out sample toys from his store, which included crafted crafy water-revolvers. The Kohen Brothers diamond store manager(s) considered Satan (Isaac) rather eccentric-looking but were indeed impressed by the sample toys he'd brought into the store that day as a promising investor and customer and future patron.

KOHEN BROTHERS: We admit, Mr. Satan, your water-revolvers are very nice, and we'd consider procuring some for our kids!

However, Isaac Satan wasn't in the Kohen Brothers diamond store that day in Manhattan as a future toy merchant and investor from the Middle East. No sir, he quickly revealed with whispers into the store manager's ear that his water-revolver was filled with corrosive HCL acid. He then showed the manager(s) a hand-written note which read, "If you don't want me to spray the Antwerp $10 million diamonds you've brought out to show me today with my HCL acid-gun, you'll quietly and carefully switch-swap the Antwerp diamonds with the fake-diamonds I've brought with me in my briefcase and let me walk out quietly and quickly." The manager(s) were horrified and wondered if this eccentric wannabe-investor was actually some kind of lunatic or worse...terrorist. This wasn't normal business affairs at the otherwise very peaceful Kohen Brothers location!

However, the managers didn't want to wrangle with this dressed-up master-thief. They simply did as they were instructed and refrained from setting off the alarm-buttons beneath their work-glass stations and swapped the Antwerp diamonds with the fake ones Satan (Isaac) brought with him in his special briefcase. As an ironic souvenir, Isaac Satan left the Kohen Brothers manager(s) two sets of toy ray-guns...for them to gift to their kids in exchange for the Antwerp diamonds!

Satan (Isaac) then walked across the street to the Reebok company office-building and used about 1/3 of his stolen diamonds to purchase shares in the Reebok sneaker-company. He also purchased a brand new Reebok set of sneakers which he wore to the subway ride to JFK Airport from which he took an Aeroflot flight to Fiji. When he got off the plane in his diamond-purchased Reeboks, Isaac Satan knew he'd found the right niche in the modern world of capitalism, piracy...and drive!