Gun-Shy

A Story by Abishai100

Narrator describes why his life as a pirate challenges the dominions of New World warlords seeking to undo human declarations.

Ok, Ok, one last extra short about the modern intrigue surrounding inventive forms of subversive and anti-terrorism piracy, inspired by the movie Blow (Johnny Depp).

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My name's Isaac Satan, aka 'Shadow'. I'm a master-thief, but I steal only two things, blood diamonds and antique guns. The antique guns I steal hail from around the world and from throughout the history of warfare. combat, and weaponry development. The guns I steal are stored in the safe-boxes in residences and vaults of banks owned by sometimes ruthless individuals, making my thief adventure quite dramatic and dioramic. However, the guns I take and keep are reflective of the greatness of history and archeology itself.

The reason I decided to become a thief after reading Oliver Twist (Charles Dickens) is I became jaded with the normal customs of human civilization and fascinated with the street-smarts of the Dickensian character of Arftul Dodger. I've stolen baseball cards, candy-store chocolates, and other items. However, I'm proud of my trophies in antique guns and blood diamonds, and that's because both these items in human history represent the aesthetics of society vanities. I steal from the rich and give to the poor.

I have two girlfriend. One is Elena, a Dutch field-hockey player in Europe. She likes the guns I collect and admires the way I seek to hijack the nefarious blood diamond highway in the modern world sometimes run by evil warlords. However, she wonders if all this diamond-and-guns work might lead me to the path of ruin. Elena remains my normal honey nevertheless.

My other girlfriend is Barbara. She knows my secret. I'm descended from an ancient pirate named White-Beard. This guy was real weird, but a real pirate. I consider myself a great pirate now. Barbara is a Buccaneers cheerleader, and she reminds me of my happiness of being a pirate. I watch her in the news and on media and think of the splendor of theft. I'm a pirate after all, and she's my angel. She's my second angel.

I have to steal these blood diamonds and antique guns from a safe-box in a vault of a bank in Los Angeles owned by a ruthless Dutch warlord named Dirk Kuyt. I'm going to walk into the bank with a one-lens eyeglass on, explaining to the guards and manager servicing me I'm a representative of Interpol, the Euro-police body. I have forged ID papers of course. I'll request access to the safe-box #445 belonging to the corrupt Kuyt who's been slandered already in the press. I'll tell the guard and bank manager I need photos of the antique guns from Nazi Germany and the blood diamonds from South Africa Kuyt keeps in the bank for Interpol records. Once inside the vault-room with the safe-box, I'll whip out my water-gun, filled with corrosive HCL acid. All the guard and manager know is that I'm a modern government specter.

KUYT: That clown Isaac's stolen some of my most valuable guns from Nazi Germany's storehouses of world history piracy.

I told the guard and bank manager my water-gun filled with acid is meant to generate some friendly press about the Interpol message about anti-chemical warfare rhetoric. They're to tell the press that a mysterious government spook hijacked the antique German guns and African blood diamonds belonging to Kuyt to create an underworld treasury market hijacking designed to create paper-trails on warlords between Europe and North America, hiding in plain sight in the USA. My acid-gun for this Kuyt-heist is therefore a symbol of civilization espionage!

Why, you might ask, would a rather relatively intelligent young man like me choose a life of piracy and theft? Well, because the modern world offers a plethora of stimuli of black market treasures bordering on the side of dangerous beauty, a real modern pirate like myself, descended from the real ancient pirate White-Beart (WB), might want to use modern banking hubs to create real intrigue in the press about the dynamics of revolutionary debit subversion. That's my thief mission.

KUYT: I believe this pirate Isaac is some weirdo-genius with some mind-games like Othello, so I'll track him with drones.

I left behind at the Kuyt-heist a group of rather valuable red diamonds for the press to declare this underworld treasury theft was not only Interpol relevant but also a private message about the incendiary nature of new era black market piracy. I consider myself a 'good thief' and it's my 'Robin Hood' mission to sift between the wretched and the splendid in this matrix of fortune-hunting scoundrels.

ELENA/BARBARA: I don't think my boyfriend Isaac's a damned pirate, but I do feel he's used disguises to make darkness!

I know and understand that becaue Dirk Kuyt is a no-joke St. Fatso, he'll do everything in his power to create an elaborate labyrinth of anti-pirate tracking, assigning his drones to find and destroy this new world pirate, descended from White-Beard (WB). In fact, I've given Kuyt the democratic alias, Kingpin.