Blood Diamond: The Pirate-Receiver

A man discovers he's descended from ancient pirates, compelling him to go on a special quest for investigations.

One extra short-story, about a modern pirate who's on a personal quest for self-discovery...and divinity!

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Isaac discovered from some serious heritage research in college that he was descended from real pirates of the ancient seas. In fact, one of his ancestors was in fact the dreaded Blue-Beard (BB). Something inside Isaac snapped, since he was now concerned his ancestry was somehow strange. Isaac decided to rename himself Nerd-Glass (NG) and became a bank robber!

NERD-GLASS (NG): I seek to revolutionize my life to account for this very strange ancestry trait, and I'll look the part!

Isaac (aka, 'Nerd-Glass') changed everything about himself. He traded in his Dungeons & Dragons paraphernalia and Magic: The Gathering paraphernalia for pirate paraphernalia. He started buying Johnny Depp pirate movies (Hollywood Blu-ray!) and getting pirate collector's cards. He became infused with all kinds of pirate lore.

Nerd-Glass (NG) decided to travel to Tampa Bay (Florida) and became a NFL fan of the iconic Super Bowl winning team! Nerd-Glass (NG) resolved to perform a daring bank robbery involving blood diamonds from South Africa during an important Buccaneers game in Tampa Bay. Nerd-Glass (NG) even started taking photos of Buccaneers cheerleaders.

NERD-GLASS (NG): I'll be procuring special Buccaneers Super Bowl rings, since I'm a huge fan of pirate toys now.

Jesus, Isaac (aka, 'Nerd-Glass') even began purchasing pirate-ship puzzle toy sets for himself. He also bought pirate-ship model kits and assembled these classic and ancient model pirate-ships in his new apartment in Tampa Bay. All this resulted of course from his revelation that he's descended from actual pirates of the ancient seas, including the dreaded Blue-Beard (BB).

NERD-GLASS (NG): I walked into the Tampa Bay National Bank dressed as a pirate and requested access to the diamond room.

Of course, you can't just walk into a Tampa bank and tell the guards you're dressed like a pirate and expect to obtain vital access into the vault area containing the precious safe-boxes holding the blood diamonds from South Africa belonging partly to the corrupt and infamous Dutch baron Dirk Kuyt who currently owns a mansion in Tampa Bay! No, sir, but the newly-crowned self-proclaimed 'pirate of America' Nerd-Glass (NG) told these Tampa bank reps and guards that he's dressed like a pirate with a special hand-written letter from Dirk Kuyt himself explaining he's to take photographs of his precious $2 million diamonds in the safe-box area. These photos are for the media. The bank manager thinks there's nothing wrong and doesn't want press trouble regarding Kuyt's activities, since it's already known scandalously that Kuyt banks with their institution.

NERD-GLASS (NG): When I'm inside the safe-box area, I switch Kuyt's blood diamonds with fake ones hidden in my shoe!

The escorting guard who's watching Nerd-Glass (NG) taking photos of Kuyt's blood diamonds in safe-box #445 doesn't notice when the born-again pirate's cologne spray which he liberally sprays onto himself (since he has concealed nose-plugs) but contains a powerful sedative fume. The guard passes out long enough for Nerd-Glass (NG) to be able to swap Kuyt's blood diamonds with the fake ones hidden in his shoe. The pirate achieves this while performing some CPR on the unconscious guard in front of the security camera in the safe-box area of the vault room of the Tampa bank! After this dazzling heist, Nerd-Glass (NG) decides to record this entire blood diamond adventure in a pirate comics fanfiction on the Internet.

NERD-GLASS (NG): I told the fainted guard no one could explain his fallen state, and I later wrote a sexy pirate fanfic!

In fact, Nerd-Glass (NG) unwittingly became a smalltime vigilante with his strange blood diamond heist. You see, blood diamond traffic hailing from South Africa today is linked to deadly violence-linked warlords with connections to Europe. When these blood diamonds make their way shockingly into North America, they sully the American gem industry completely! However, Nerd-Glass (NG) has achieved a daring heist of the corrupt Kuyt's blood diamonds, and no one in the FBI wants to worry about the pirate's elusive deed and instead focuses on trailing Kuyt's blood diamond webs. Nerd-Glass (NG) is able to sell his blood diamond story to a Buccaneers pirate comic artist named Stan Lee.

FBI: We don't give a rat's a*s if this self-proclaimed pirate of Florida's part of some new costume cult with Kuyt's liberties.

Nerd-Glass (NG) meets a big pirate lore fan named Jenny, a real Florida beauty and goes on a date with her after Buccaneers win yet another Super Bowl. They get married, and finally, Nerd-Glass (NG) reveals his pirate ancestry to her, and she faints. She's always been scared of pirates, thinking they look like aliens with mustaches. However, Nerd-Glass (NG) tells Jenny he sincerely is devoted to her as a man of diamonds.

Nerd-Glass (NG) buys his son an iconic Transformers robot-cassette toy and tells her it's a pirate-trophy of espionage!

SARAH PALIN: We're opposed to the tariff violating pirates of the Caribbean, since they make airport security a headache.

Is Nerd-Glass (NG) a man of tragedy or self-made fortune? He's unwittingly helped the FBI create a paper-trail on the corrupt Dutch baron Dirk Kuyt. He's now a big Buccaneers fan! Maybe this is a story of the American Dream...gone Dutch.

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)