LA Bank Robbery: The Celebrity!

An eccentric but wily thief coordinates a special diamond heist at an LA Bank during a designed celebrity visit and makes off with gems belonging to a Saudi dictator.

Here's a fun heist tale about an eccentric thief caught in a typical matrix of modern dioramas and pseudo-political dialogue. Thanks for reading, and in case you didn't guess, this one's inspired by the comedic spy spoof Spies Like Us. Cheers, 

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The very nice Wells Fargo Bank in Los Angeles (LA) was holding $20 million diamonds in a safe-box in their vault-room. The diamonds were from Antwerp and were admired by celebrities who visited the bank to take photos with them. The diamonds were owned by a wealthy Saudi prince living in Hollywood.

Isaac Satan (aka, 'Shadow') Intended to steal the $20 million diamonds from the Wells Fargo Bank. He was an Ivy League graduate and software expert and computer hacker and decided to take a big risk to retire young to the Virgin Islands. This was Isaac's shot at glory for life, and he wanted to be perfect. He honed his skills as a thief and tried to parallel these skills to his hacking skills. He started creating a plan on his laptop.

ISAAC/SHADOW: "I've always been a big fan of bank robbery films in Hollywood and admire the way they capture our social fascination with the 'leviathan' or 'dragon' of capitalism diaries, especially when the thieves have dystopian flair."

The Wells Fargo Bank in LA was a very nice and reputed bank and the security was very tight. The vault-room was guarded and there were computerized security alarm systems and managers ready to hit the alarm button beneath their work-stations at teller-desks and windows and client service terminals. Isaac/Shadow would have to perform a rather clean robbery to steal the $20 million diamonds, lest he upset the hygienic flow of the Wells Fargo branch in LA.

Isaac walked in with a toy Transformers (Hasbro) Megatron antique collectible gun, estimated to be worth over $10K. He started boasting about the gun to the customers and the manager and the guards, claiming he just purchased it from a famous toy collector in Hollywood. He was wearing a clear plastic clown mask the entire time he was grand-standing about his nifty and beautiful Megatron gun, claiming that the mask, which was a Coronavirus protective feature of course, also made him feel like he was being festive about the upcoming Halloween season and about showing off his toy to the personnel and customers at the Wells Fargo Bank right before he was about to open a new special and rather large private citizen account with the bank. Everyone in the bank, including the guards, seemed to be oddly entertained by this random and friendly Halloween/toy dance by Isaac (aka, 'Shadow').

Meanwhile, a hot celebrity was visiting the Wells Fargo Bank that very day to take photos with the $20 million diamonds in the safe-box owned by the Saudi prince living in Hollywood. This celebrity, Donna Theresa, wanted to take photos and asked the manager to be escorted to the vault room before noticing Isaac/Shadow doing his peculiar masked dance with his Megatron/Transformers toy gun. Donna asked the manager what the entertaining fellow was doing, and the manager giggled and told the celebrity, "We sometimes get funny characters in here who like to do a little 'song-and-dance' before opening their large accounts with us in Los Angeles." Donna was very amused.

However, Isaac/Shadow wasn't there to show off his Megatron toy-gun. While still masked, he grabbed Donna's arm while she was being walked to the vault-room and announced to everyone that his special toy-gun that he was singing and dancing about that day inside the bank was filled with an inner-tube containing corrosive HCL acid. He then announced he'd shoot the celebrity Donna in the hand, burning it, if he wasn't escorted alongside her to the vault-room containing the safe-box with the $20 million diamonds! The guards were forced to drop their guns, and the manager escorted Isaac/Shadow and Donna the celebrity hostage to the vault-room.

DONNA: "I'd been used to the general social sane thrill of exciting magazine modeling photos and movie advertisements, but I'd never been part of a real criminal experience like a bank robbery, even in Los Angeles."

Isaac/Shadow told the bank personnel, after he procured the $20 million diamonds from the vault-room safe-box with celebrity hostage Donna still at his side, that he was driving away with her and would return her to safety once he got safely away from the bank area. They hopped in Donna's amazing shiny silver new toy-like Lamborghini Countach and drove to the airport, LAX. En-route, Isaac/Shadow stopped at a black market apartment and sold the diamonds for $15 million cash and deposited it in a private Swiss bank account using online banking. He then drove Donna and himself to LAX in her silver Lamborghini. She remained unharmed.

The two boarded an Aeroflot flight to Switzerland. No one knew yet to track them where they were going, since Isaac/Shadow was traveling under false ID materials. They took a business class flight to Geneva on Aeroflot (Russian airlines).

DONNA: Why didn't you keep the diamonds, if I may ask?

ISAAC/SHADOW: Diamonds are better when converted into deposited money, angel.

When Isaac/Shadow got to Switzerland and set up residence and securities there, he released Donna and told her to forget the entire incident and that he'd never look for her again. He gifted her with $1 million for her troubles but made her promise not to tell anyone he did this. Isaac then changed dyed his hair brown and grew a mustache and beard and disappeared, but he never forgot celebrity hostage Donna's unusual courage on the day of that dustopian robbery of the diamonds.

FBI: "We're tracking this bandit and we're relieved Miss Theresa, a beloved American celebrity, has been found safe and unharmed, and we're certain the money from the stolen diamonds are now in the 'sea' of thief-land, and we've been informed the Saudi prince who's damaged for the loss (albeit the diamonds were insured!) was not too fearful, since he had other mysterious ties to some political intrigue."

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)