Counterfeit: An Ex-CIA Diamond-Dress

Narrator relates his activity with counterfeit money and blood diamonds after leaving the CIA because of disillusionment.

This is an imaginative heist tale about the intrigue and politics of modern counterfeit money. Counterfeit money is an evil crime, and this fable about a jaded ex-CIA agent attempting to move diamonds from California to Antwerp was inspired by the film Blood Diamond and is my toast to modern politico-economic detectives. Hope you enjoy this last one, 

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This is the story of my diamond heist in California using counterfeit money. My name's Isaac Satan. I'm an Algerian-American and ex-CIA. I was disillusioned by politics in Northern Ireland and decided to take my pension early and became a professional thief. How do I look in this photo, my friends?

Counterfeit money has been around almost as long as there has been money around, and passing it off to merchants and banks requires real confidence. I'm going to use counterfeit money from one of my CIA missions to purchase $10 million diamonds from Clarks Diamond Store in Beverly Hills, California. Make no mistake, to pass of counterfeit money in any kind of traffic movement, you have to blend speed with eloquence. This is really dangerous!

This is the store for diamonds and jewelry in Beverly Hills I intend to perform this counterfeit-money diamond heist on a warm summer day. This will be terrific, and I'm using the money from the diamonds to finance my private retirement to an island resort. I have to dress like a professional businessman from California, so the merchant knows I mean business. I'll be telling Clarks I'm in an extreme hurry to procure these diamonds for my safe-box in Switzerland. Clarks is an iconic business and diamond store in California, as you can see from its impressive appearance.

CLARKS MANAGER: "We have diamonds from Antwerp, South Africa, and just about everywhere else in our fine store."

I presented my counterfeit money in excess of $12 million to buy $10 million diamonds on interest from Clarks. I'm telling them these gems are going directly into my Swiss bank safe-box in Europe. The manager is pleased and shows me some of his finest gems, knowing I intend to invest perhaps and most likely long term in his fine store in Beverly Hills, California.

The customers and representatives at Clarks hail from some of the most wealthy people in California. I have to look the part here, lest I look like a proverbial 'geek off the street' and they delay me and insist on checking my money-bills to make sure they aren't counterfeit. That's one reason I'm carrying everything in a very expensive briefcase when I enter Clarks which caters to only the most shrewd and wealthy customer-base.

I purchase the diamonds, I wear a beard and mustache and colored wig and face-skin applications, so they don't recognize me later, I present falsified ID documents for the purchase and diplomatic transaction, and I board an Aeroflot flight to the Virgin Islands after selling the diamonds on the black market.

On the way to the islands, I stop at Antwerp to buy a diamond tiara for a girl I intend to meet and court on the islands during my retirement! Yay! This is very dangerous work, my friends. You're so brave for following me here on this journey.

The diamond tiara I obtain is a very nice $1 million piece which can make any young beautiful woman happy, which is why I purchased it in Antwerp. Now, I'm in the Virgin Islands waiting for the right woman to gift this to, and I just want to forget my life working with the CIA, a life of horrifying anti-terrorism work. This tiara is my souvenir of the best memories and my intention to forget the worst!

INTERPOL/CIA: "Counterfeit money continues to be a dangerous problem for currency standards and general commerce in the modern world, which is why we always monitor who's charged for these crimes, and the sources and destination of the counterfeit bills, and we believe our mission ensures the sanctity of commercial dates worldwide and positive storytelling."

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)