London Bank (LB): The Polaroid Pinch

A Story by Abishai100

A very clever bank robber creates a strange triangle of confusion during his heist of London Bank and unwittingly creates Coronavirus-time doughnuts.

One last heist fable, set in the idyllic United Kingdom during our Coronavirus tribulation and featuring some colorful character actions. This last one wasn't inspired by any movie but rather by a number of heist films I've loved over the years! Thanks for reading,

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Isaac Satan planned a very clever heist of the London Bank in December 2020. This was during the Coronavirus tribulation. Isaac was going to walk in and frame one of the bank guards inside for the robbery while stealing $20 million in cash. This was a bold heist indeed, and Isaac was in for a strange and surprising monkey-wrench in his plan. Nevertheless, he remained focused and humorous.

Isaac was to walk in with a Polaroid instant-camera, seeking to open a new member account at the London Bank (LB). He'd search for one customer inside at one of the client service desks serviced by a bank representative and begin taking photos of the customer repeatedly and claim he was testing out his vintage Polaroid he purchased on eBay on this fine morning at the bank. This would delight some of the other customers and employees and hopefully the guards in the bank, and everyone'd think Isaac was just a jovial customer in the bank that morning.

The London Bank (LB) was a proud and honored institution and serviced countless customers and even businesses and held on any given work morning at least $100 million cash. However, Isaac, only sought to take $20 million in cash that day from the LB. He dressed in a casual but handsome cream jacket and wore his regular eyeglasses. He took the double-decker bus to the LB that morning and hopefully would get back on another that came around the way after his robbery.

Lo and behold, that day at the London Bank (LB), a visiting celebrity was none other than UK Princess Kate Middleton, a woman whose sense of diplomacy and style had her compared in some press to her 'ancestor' Princess Diana herself. Well, on this day at the LB, Princess Kate was in a dashing red coat reminiscent of some of the street-friendly stylishness of Diana. She was also wearing her protective Coronavirus mask. She came to inquire of the bank's operations and client online services during the Coronavirus quarantine and was being serviced at one of the client representative desks at the LB. It was a terrific celebrity cameo for the people of the London Bank.

Isaac spotted Princess Kate and designated her as the obvious person to take snapshots of with his Polaroid instant-camera. As Isaac began walking around her service area and taking photos and saying, "Wow, Princess Kate's helping me test out my brand new eBay-purchased Polaroid, people!" The bank customers and employees and even two guardsmen giggled and thought Isaac was quite a jovial customer looking to open a new account with the London Bank (LB) that day. Meanwhile, Isaac was eyeing the stern-looking guard who stood right outside the vault-door of the main area of the bank interior.

Isaac asked to be escorted into the bank vault by his client servicing representative and to take his Polaroid to take photos of the vault-room. He gained access. The stern-looking guard accompanied Isaac and the bank client representative servicing his security-monitoring personal request. When the trio was inside the vault-room where there was piles of money in cash. Isaac then pulled out a hidden plastic canister claiming it was filled with corrosive HCL acid and tied up the guard and the client representative. He then whispered in the guard's ear (before taking $20 million cash and walking out of the bank and tying the guard up surprisingly loosely!), "You have about 4 minutes to undo this knot tying your hands; I've placed a bag with money in it but it also contains a little plastic explosive; all you have to do is grab the bag and run out of the bank with it before it goes off, my good guardsman."

Princess Kate was still at her service desk inquiring about the LB's Coronavirus-quarantine time policies and social procedures for her press statement about London infrastructure that day. She saw Isaac walk out of the bank with his bag of money, and he smiled at her and she smiled back right before he took one last snapshot of her with his Polaroid. About 5 minutes later, Princess Kate saw the guard inside the vault room run out of the bank with a bag in his hand, the same bag Isaac left inside the vault-room with the guard loosely tied, claiming the bag contained a hidden plastic explosive along with some cash. As the guard ran out to throw the bag into the nearby sewer through a manhole, Isaac grabbed him and pulled him into an alley and told him, "There's no explosive in the bag, but Princess Kate saw you walking out with a bag of cash, and I want you to quit your bank job and disappear, lest I track you and haunt your residence, because I've obtained the whereabouts of your address; keep the bag of money you have with you as a souvenir...and just disappear, my good guardsman!" The guard was horrified but realized this thief was serious and seriously psychotic. Isaac hopped onto a double-decker bus and disappeared.

PRINCESS KATE: "All we know is that on the day the affable customer-gentleman was taking Polaroids of me while I was conducting my press business with the London Bank, one of the guards was running out with a bag of money in his hand and never returned and just vanished from London whereabouts, and we're certain he'd planned some kind of bizarre personal robbery and used that photographer-customer as a strange distraction; we're certain however that London Bank is taking the necessary steps to vamp up securities and ensure future diligence during this Coronavirus tribulation in the United Kingdom."

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)