Shiva/Saraswati: Bank-Robbery!

The Hindu deities Shiva and Saraswati plan a folk-tale inspiring diamond-heist of an American bank during the Coronavirus tribulation to remind Americans that calamity is tempered by drinks.

Shiva and Saraswati are my two favorite Hindu deities, and even though I'm Catholic by faith, I'm a huge fan of Hindu mythology and comics, and this final heist-tale, one I couldn't resist writing before writing, involves both these special figures in Hinduism and was inspired by such an excellent modernism-paranoia film, 

Killing Zoe. 

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Shiva, god of destruction, recently separated from his two dominant supreme goddess-wives Durga and Kali over political disagreements and decided to court a new relationship with the younger goddess Saraswati, goddess of learning. They got married secretly and wanted to go on an adventure together on Earth. They were both fans of the bank-robbery movie Bonnie and Clyde and decided to develop this interest.

Shiva transformed into the Algerian-American human Isaac Satan, a wily computer software specialist living in Los Angeles. As Isaac Satan, Lord Shiva would have greater access to the finance and banks of the US city of Los Angeles and plan a folk-tale worthy bank heist during the great Coronavirus quarantine tribulation, when people desperately sought inspiring forms of unusual storytelling to enjoy on television. Isaac Satan prepared for a special diamond-heist of the US Bank in Los Angeles.

ISAAC SATAN (SHIVA): "This diamond-heist of the bank in Los Angeles would have to be perfect, since there's lots of security and I won't endanger the welfare or prestige of my new gal goddess Saraswati, so I have to plan a heist that's not only folk-tale worthy but also methodologically hygienic."

Meanwhile, Saraswati transformed into the human Indian princess Asha Rai. She wore saris and necklaces and earrings and began an online chatroom romance with Isaac Satan (Shiva). Isaac invited Asha to Los Angeles (LA) where they could team-up to perform the diamond-heist of the US Bank in LA. Asha (Saraswati) was both pensive and excited about this folklore-friendly adventure, since it would bring inspiration to those nostalgic of the Depression Era days brightened by the strange antics of Bonnie and Clyde and needed another such strange deed! Asha (Saraswati) thought carefully.

ASHA RAI (SARASWATI): "I don't seek to glorify or romanticize crime with this diamond-heist of the Los Angeles bank with Isaac, but I want to offer Americans in the new millennium some bright folk-tales and stories reminiscent of what Bonnie and Clyde offered ironically to the American landscape during the awful Great Depression, because this current Coronavirus quarantine tribulation really test's the mind's ability to endure great claustrophobia, so I'll plan this heist with great style!"

Isaac and Asha rented a yellow house in the suburbs outside LA while planning their diamond-heist of the US Bank in the city, which they hoped would generate some inspiring folk-tales in the media that would remind people of how Bonnie and Clyde brightened the Great Depression. This yellow house in the suburbs of southern California was ideal for Isaac and Asha to sit and plan their nonviolent bank robbery of the $30 million insured diamonds from the US Bank. This yellow house was old-style with new world comforts, so both Isaac (Shiva) and Asha (Saraswati) found it perfect.

Shiva (Isaac Satan) and Saraswati (Asha Rai) walked into the US Bank in LA on a warm Saturday morning after opening-hours with their 'Coronavirus protective masks' covering their faces, which was actually a plastic clear make-up adorned clown mask and a large rabbit-mask. They were carrying plastic canisters in their hands. When the guards and bank client representative approached them, the two robbers/deities explained they were in masks to celebrate the endurance of the Coronavirus quarantine. When the guard and the bank representative giggled, Isaac and Asha then informed them, however, that the plastic canisters they carried in their hands, lined with protective material on the inside, was filled with a corrosive acid which shot out from the spray-tip.

The bank representative was shocked and realized these two masked individuals were seeking to rob the US Bank that day. The guard was ordered to lay away his gun, and the bank representative calmly escorted the two to the diamond-holding vault-room of the bank. They made their way rather quickly to the vault-room while the client service area representatives were simply sitting and working and smiling as they watched the two eccentric masked visitors being escorted to the vault during this Coronavirus tribulation!

Isaac and Asha, still masked, were shown a collection of the diamonds and placed the designated amount they planned into their little purse, which Asha (Saraswati) hid in her pant lining. The two robbers/deities then requested to be escorted to the bank bathroom on the 1st floor of the building where they could crawl out the window one-at-a-time. That's just what they did, and they took the diamonds they were shown in the vault-room.

The entire robbery was done rather quickly, so even though the alarm was set off eventually during the course of the thrilling events that Saturday, Isaac (Shiva) and Asha (Saraswati) managed to jump into their escape-car parked right in the rear of the building by the bathroom window. They never had to crack open any safe, or break through any vault door, or much worse, harm anyone. The press called this very strange diamond-heist during the Coronavirus a terrific challenge to modern banking infrastructure and vault-room securities!

Isaac and Asha sold the diamonds in the black market and took the money to purchase a chateau in Switzerland. Meanwhile, the press were calling the two bandits the modern-day Bonnie and Clyde because of this incredible diamond-heist. The diamonds were insured, so no real money or emotions were damaged. The diamonds were from South Africa and belonged to an anonymous wealthy investor from Africa linked to some Dutch diamond mining group. Isaac and Asha basked in their Swiss chateau, enjoying their honeymoon, while American journalists deemed their unusual diamond-heist a Coronavirus-time diary.

SHIVA: I love our new dog, Balto.

SARASWATI: We should return to the heavens soon, Shiva.

SHIVA: This has been a wondrous adventure!

SARASWATI: I think those diamonds belonged to an unscrupulous diamond-trader.

SHIVA: Well, we're just enjoying the Swiss scenery and loving Balto now, my dear!

Make no mistake, my friends. Bonnie and Clyde weren't simply romanticized romantic robbers during the Great Depression. They were also murderous criminals. However, the folklore they generated during the Great Depression reminded Americans of the simple comforts of shared storytelling in times of great calamity. Likewise, during this Coronavirus quarantine tribulation, Shiva and Saraswati managed to perform a daring nonviolent diamond-heist in LA that reminded people in America once again of the simple charms of innocent diaries. Ironically such a folk-tale should encourage us to appreciate the wondrous labors and diligence that goes into the financial and traffic systems in the modern world that facilitate us enduring all kinds of disasters such as the Great Depression and the Coronavirus tribulation. The moral of the story is, of course, don't attempt such a heist if you're not a powerful deity!

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)