Swiss Bank: Robbery!

Narrator Isaac Satan relates his incredible robbery of an immaculate Swiss bank during Christmastime in Europe with his gal Asha.

Here's one last ode to the style and craft and thrill of the bank heist, and this one also pays homage to the incredible honored history of the respected global 

Swiss banking

 system which has become synonymous really with civilization/capitalism dioramas! I hope you read this last one and really like it. Thanks so much (signing off), 

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I was in Geneva (Switzerland) for Christmastime. My name's Isaac Satan. I'm a professional bank robber. I intend to rob a national Swiss bank during the holiday season. Right now, I'm just enjoying the local festivities and ornaments!

I studied both economics and psychology and am a fan of Karl Marx and Adam Smith and Sigmund Freud. I consider myself a student of humanity. I have intentions to make this Swiss bank robbery reflective of great new age theft and flair. Remember the days when robbers were legends? These days, we're just unknown pirates. However, this Swiss bank robbery will be terrific for me. How do I look?

This is my Algerian girlfriend Asha. Isn't she pretty? She has no idea what I do! She thinks I'm a writer and book editor, and in fact, I do short-story writing on the Internet, mostly comic book writing and fan-fiction work. Asha loves my work. She's in Geneva with me. However, she doesn't know what I'm planning now. She has a personal large account at a Swiss bank her wealthy father opened for her some time ago. I won't touch her money. The money I intend to steal is insured after all. I love Asha. She's really pretty.

ASHA: "Oh, thank you Isaac for this lovely Swatch vintage 1980s wrist-watch; it's the ideal Christmas gift."

ASHA: "Oh, Isaac, thank you again for these terrific Indian classic bangles; mom will love these for Christmas."

Make no mistake my friends, Swiss banking has a rich and proud history and considered symbolic of modern security and wealth and asset stabilization. Swiss banks are safe and accounts are secure, since Switzerland remains politically neutral through various wars, including WWII. Many Swiss bank accounts are therefore privately held by very wealthy businessmen and celebrities. They want their insured money not to be stained by wartime. Even Jews hid money in Swiss banking systems during WWII.

In fact, I have no intention to tarnish the beauty or majesty of Swiss banking or sully its history with this seminal Christmastime robbery I will perform. Swiss banks are long in tradition and go back to before WWII of course. You find vintage photos of Swiss banks performing regular account activities for wealthy holders, patrons, companies, and even countries. Swiss banking is as honorable as American cinema, man! Why would I sully such an institution? I won't.

There was even controversy regarding Jews hiding money and gold in Swiss banks during WWII and then Nazi ex-patriates hiding fortunes in Swiss banks! That's a contrast, eh? Swiss banks are considered as civilization symbolic as war museums, since they remind us of the raw experience of society and national decision-making and their impact on everyday imagination and life itself. Go to a museum in Switzerland even and find examples of the history of both war and money.

Do you know how many wealthy Indians and Algerians invest money in Swiss banks these days? There's plenty of insured money floating around in those huge Swiss banks, my friends. Plenty! The US government works with the World Bank to ensure that such global financial securities are there to pump money into the modern globalized capitalist system. It's a game of big movement and lots of ethnic groups and peoples all playing with Swiss bank inflation and deflation and stabilization currencies. It's kind of exciting.

The bank I intend to rob in Geneva during this holiday season in Switzerland is the Schweizerische NationalBank. This is a really impressive building, no doubts! You'll be in awe of its classic architecture and interior stability. There're guards, computers, alarms, lasers, tellers, managers, executives, and all kinds of customers on a given weekend. I intend to rob this Swiss bank on a Saturday morning. Can I do it?

The inside of this bank is as immaculate as the outside. There're many teller booths, and if you have special requests, only then can you obtain permission and access to meet with the bank manager or executive. The floors and walls are all marble or mostly marble. Very cool.

The guards these days protecting the vaults in a Swiss bank like the one I'll be robbing on a Saturday morning look like something out of a comic book. These are serious dudes. I have to be perfect, because they're perfect.

I love reading comic books about robbers and seeing and valuating paintings and modern works of art presenting images and imagery about legendary thefts and heists. This is great human drama, speaking to the general movement of assets and the stability of capital in our civilization banking system built on foundations of shared contracts and personalized governance. This is the stuff of real history, actually. It speaks to our understanding of society customs!

So I'll walk into this bank with a briefcase full of materials. One of those materials will be a smoke-bomb which will instantly knock out the guards by the vault. I'll be in a mask at that moment and nose-plugs to protect myself from the smoke. I'll put on my mask and knock out the guards who escort me into vault room after I explain I have something to show them in my briefcase. My smoke-bomb inside my briefcase is immune from metal detection, as are my plastic self-assembling handguns which actually shoot sharp darts tipped with a strong sedative. Man, I'll have to feel like Batman himself or his robbing adversaries for this Swiss bank heist.

How do I look? This is how I'll look once I'm in the vault-room under the security cameras taking the money as fast as I can, before I dart into the bank bathroom with my mask removed and placed back into my briefcase to crawl out the bathroom window and use a little sturdy non-metal plastic rope-hook gun to crawl to my escape van parked outside the bathroom window in the rear of the bank building! Cool, eh? Very dangerous I know.

As I walk in and begin to ask for a representative to help me open a new royal wealthy account, I also inform them I'd like to be escorted to the vault-room by a guard to peruse the money held inside under security systems I want to inspect. That's how I'll get to the vault-room. The guard and client representative serving me won't remember me, because I'll be in a fake mustache, glasses, wig, and beard.

I'll have about 10 minutes to put the money in a duffel-bag folding out and hidden in my briefcase. I'll sneak into the bank bathroom after locking the guard and escorting bank representative inside the vault-room after I remove the money from the vault. I have just enough time to get to the bathroom before one of the video monitor officials notice that there might be an unconscious guard and representative lying just below the security cameras, slightly away from full view. Of course, I'll be asking for such a private escort-service to the vault-room when there's no one else inside there, so I can obtain a full private viewing for very personal security inspections for my very large and wealthy royal account, which I'll create as a fake porftolio and fake ID materials based on Asha's wealthy father's royal Swiss bank account! What fun!

Because my self-assembling guns hidden in my briefcase are completely made of plastic and shoot non-metal sharp sedative-tipped darts, they evade metal-detection. These self-assembling guns, like my segmented cannister smoke-bombs, don't have parts that resemble anything like weapons and fit neatly into my briefcase. That's the precision required for a Swiss bank robbery, my friends.

I take about $30 million cash and put it into the duffel-bag folding out from my briefcase. This was a fantastic robbery. There was no violence whatsoever. There were only a small number of individuals working inside the bank who had to be knocked unconscious and only temporarily. That's a successful day for me indeed! I'm a pirate now.

I take Asha to a local Geneva ice-skating rink for a Christmastime event in Switzlerand after hiding all my money in an underground account I intend to use to invest back into the modern immense global capital market, into NASDAQ, no doubts! While Asha and I are enjoying ice-skating, we notice super-celebrity Tom Cruise skating there too with his lovely daughter. I kiss Asha and promise her every social security for the life we envision together.

Of course, I'm using about 1/3 of my stolen money from my terrific Swiss bank robbery to purchase a custom-made glass Lamborghini, which I intend to drive only on a private track with some financial support from Asha's father. I'll be telling Asha's father that I obtained the money necessary from a huge NASDAQ profit score investment. He has no need to know otherwise, my good friends.

So, that's it. That's my story. That's the tale of an incredible Swiss bank robbery during Christmastime that I pulled off with great planning and care and detailed work to avoid countless alarms, lasers, and computerized video monitoring systems and walk out with lots of money which I will use to build a completely sane life. Of course, Asha is a big part of that sanity equation, so now I intend to seek peace and love. I'll be driving my Lamborghini. I'll be more of a real hipster.

JOURNAL: "A bank robber has to take into account all the details of a given bank's design and operations, and if he fails to respect the systems of a very immense or organized systematized bank such as a very respected Swiss bank, he'll be no different than a wild cowboy merely seeking some kind of unusual...and very dangerous self-gratification, which is why a real professional is only worthy of substantial 'folk' decoration."

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)