The California Dare: Heist/Teacher

The lovely goddess Saraswati dares a bank robber during an iconic NFL game and inspires a real dystopian heist!

Alright, since my heists have been receiving readership, here's one more, and this one references the lovely Hindu goddess Saraswati and was inspired by the lovely film Killing Zoe. Thanks so much for reading, 

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Goddess Saraswati, the supreme muse of learning, wanted to investigate the phenomenon of bank robbery in America, particularly California. Saraswati was intrigued by the way Americans were writing about and romanticizing legendary thieves and robbers such as the Sundance Kid and Dillinger. She wondered what made capitalism itself and the pro-federalist banking system so prone to robbery folklore. Saraswati was set to become a heist anthropologist.

Saraswati decided to transform herself into the gorgeous Miami Dolphins (NFL) cheerleader Brooke Tesla and wanted to cheer on the game against the LA Rams, which would take place in the Rose Bowl stadium in California. This stadium hosted the awesome Super Bowl match between the Rams and the Steelers in the '70s. Now, in this new millennium, Saraswati ('Brooke Tesla') wanted to dress sexy during the Dolphins-Rams game in this California football stadium after planting a dare-letter in the California newspapers, willing some new age cowboy to perform a symbolic anti-capitalism bank robbery during the NFL game.

ISAAC SATAN: "I read the anonymous dare-letter in the California Times, willing some modern cowboy to perform a California bank robbery during the Dolphins-Rams game in the Rose Bowl stadium in California, which is what I intend to do, if only to be able to ask a lovely cheerleader out on a date --- to see if we might chat about new age dogma."

Isaac robbed the California Bank & Trust during the Dolphins-Rams game in California. After the robbery, he flew his rented or rather stolen private jet above the NFL stadium during the game and cast down a Cupid doll so the Dolphins cheerleaders would catch it live on TV cameras. The doll carried the message, "Satan robbed the California bank as dared in the Times!" Saraswati ('Brooke Tesla'), one of these cheerleaders on the field, caught the doll and read the message and smiled up at Isaac Satan's flying jet above them. Isaac had stormed into the California bank pretending to be a priest, dressed in a priest's robes, claiming he was trying to urgently steal $10 million cash from the vault-room and deliver it to the local Catholic church as part of a media recording, not as an actual robbery, in defiance of the Times dare-letter willing some criminal villain to rob the bank. The bank manager realized the priest's stunt was an orchestrated media message meant to downplay the dare-letter and allowed Isaac to take the $10 million cash escorted by one of the employees --- who happened to be an ally and in on the robbery job with Isaac!

CALIFORNIA TIMES: "We're shocked this elusive robber managed to steal $10 million in cash. The man in the priest's robes who walked into California Bank & Trust didn't have a mask on but did have a thick beard, and the employee who stole the money with him claiming to be staging a media stunt disappeared with him and we don't know where he went. This only means that this kind of robbery is a clear sign of a new age disease, one directed at destabilizing capitalism in the name of neo-dystopian terrorism!"

ISAAC: Honestly, I think the Times was just embarrassed the anonymous dare-letter led to an actual robbery, and I read in the Times that the Dolphins cheerleader Brooke Tesla caught my dropped Cupid doll with my confirmation message, so I might ask her out on a date someday...even the divine goddess Saraswati would be impressed!

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)

Reviews

[Kari Rakitan]

This heist came off too easily, especially for something associated with a major sporting event. My dead boyfriend was going to be in charge of security for a major sporting event, and it is difficult for me to imagine this sort of thing getting past him.

I also think that Isaac would impress the goddess more if he overcame more hurdles.