The Capital Clown

A Story by Abishai100

A self-proclaimed capitalism 'critic' is actually a thief who makes strange statements about consumerism until he's chased by a vengeful businesswoman!

OK OK one last heist fable, and it's about toys and an anti-capitalism dummy! Thanks for reading,

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The modern world of networking and commerce made the art market a thing of great auctions. People could much more conveniently access, trade, and buy art from various new age factions and clubs. This was a shopping universe, and art was suddenly something of a candy experience. That's why people cared about the basic placement of creativity itself.

Isaac Satan didn't care about capitalism or eBay or whatever else reflective of this new age symbolism. He was simply a thief. After graduating from Dartmouth, he used his princely inherited money to travel around Europe before starting a self-organized Christian sabbatical during which he made HTML websites about Jesus Christ for Christian online forums and discussions. As his double-life, Isaac was a consummate thief.

Isaac decided to steal a bunch of symbolic expensive toys from a European toy-store linked to EuroDisney in Europe. Isaac wanted these toy thefts to symbolize a modern marketing intrigue regarding the connections between theme park advertising and general tourism and toy archaeology and aesthetics. After all, toys could represent the general consciousness of the markets they represented, such as A.I. robot toys Transformers (Hasbro) had become famous for in America.

ISAAC: "The first toy I stole was a Blurr robot toy from the Transformers line, which is a great symbol of speed and racing."

ISAAC: "The second toy I stole was an Arcee female robot toy from the same Transformers line, a symbol of courage and beauty."

ISAAC: "The third toy I stole was a Swoop pterodactyl Transformers toy symbolic of evolution of life on Earth."

The total value of all the toys Isaac stole from that very popular European toy store was over $90,000, since each of the toys was considered a rare antique and was only placed in a display case locked in laser-caging. Isaac wanted to take these very valuable archaeologically-symbolic Transformers toys and use them for sarcastic media statements about the over-glorification of capitalism totems, especially toys, which he argued, should never be considered expensive bank items. Isaac was therefore a consummate thief with an offbeat message for the modern media world.

ISAAC: "I'm through with toys, and I want to return to my roots and rob a bank, so I've chosen the California Bank & Trust, and I intend to walk in pretending to be in a fun random disguise and pull out a self-assembling miniature plastic handgun hidden in the soles of my shoes and use it to announce to the bank personnel that the robbery represents a peaceful and simple way to critique capitalism, so there's no real need for any alarm-sets or guard-drama!"

Isaac Satan pulled off this strange California bank robbery just as he intended, and no one wanted to get in his way and make a fuss and simply allowed him to complete his eccentric if armed capitalism 'critique' for the news-cameras, which is why he allowed himself to be video-recorded during the robbery itself by the security cameras which he kept rolling (after he tied up the guards gently!). This robbery was one of the greatest dystopian heists in recent California history, and it reminded people of the days of the Sundance Kid himself.

ISAAC: "I was escorted to the vault room and promptly put about $20 million cash into my bag and walked out of the California bank, perhaps a better man."

However, the bank Isaac stole from to make his strange capitalism critique was owned by a ruthless businesswoman named Angie Gabriel who decided to employ legions of cops to chase the wily Isaac Satan. This was a doomsday contest between two egos, one intent on making 'capitalism critiques' and the other bent on being an avenging captor. Who'd carry the day, the clever Isaac, or the vengeful Angie?

ANGIE: "I'm not letting this lunatic Isaac Satan get away with these crude thefts in the name of 'neo-classical' capitalism critique, which is why I think I'll hire a special bounty-hunter now to track down this son-of-a-devil."

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)