Heist

A Story by Abishai100

Narrator relates his grand heist of the impressive State Street bank and how two celebrites created some nice daylight for his orchestrated October 2020 task.

Alright folks, I'm finally ready to sign off, but I just couldn't do so again without, you guessed it, a nod to one of my favorite 'brands' of storytelling --- the heist! This bank robbery vignette was inspired by the very well-made film Heist (Gene Hackman), so I really hope you'll read it and find it a great entertainment! Thanks so much (signing off),

----

====

My name's Isaac Satan. I'm a bank robber. Why do I rob banks? I can't help feeling when I walk into a bank that I need to explore its securities and stability and how skillfully I might procure the money from it by grand theft, though the money I take is almost always insured money, so actual citizens are not devastated by the loss of their vault funds. I consider bank robbery to be an art form and take pleasure in the notion that I might retire as a folk hero. Is that plausible? I also love comic books. I consider myself quite sane, and my Facebook photos don't argue otherwise, right?

The robbery I'm currently planning for the Halloween 2020 season is the giant State Street bank center building in California. This building actually houses two separate banks, a major one and a subsidiary one functioning under the primary one, which is a UBS bank. I intend to rob both this Halloween, and I hope this daring feat will draw the interest of lovely ladies or damsels in distress. After all, isn't capitalism-negotiation partly about the grandeur of security dissection?

I don't consider myself a crusader or a lone hero or some kind of romantic poet. However, I do love folk movies about bank robbery and of iconic legends such as Bonnie and Clyde and Dillinger and the Sundance Kid. In the old days, bank robbery was considered a daring achievement for people who dared to dream of being real life pirates. These days bank robbery is much more deadly and dangerous, especially since the security systems are all computerized and no one anticipates any romanticism associated with these new age crimes, which are most often quite loud and sometimes downright awkward. I intend to offer something to new to this landscape, as a real life modern-day pirate.

The inside of the primary bank inside the impressive and grand State Street double-bank building in California is quite unforgettable. In fact, one might argue that taking breath of the sheer breadth of this interior makes one quite humbled at the ambitious infrastructure associated with modern capitalism. So many individuals and companies bank at this State Street building, making any kind of robbery something of a folk tale, which is exactly what I intend to deliver this Halloween season, despite all the Coronavirus quarantine troubles we're enduring as a species! This bank interior is right out of the movies, my friends.

So on the day of the robbery, I noticed that two celebrities were inside as patrons, and one of them was opening a private large savings account. The two celebrities were none other than the popular TV and film actress Ali Larter and her surprising girlfriend Princess Kate Middleton of the UK who's visiting her during this Halloween season. On the day of the robbery, when I walked in with a mask and gear inside my briefcase, I noticed Ali and Kate sitting at a private client table and negotiating an account for Ali. Kate was apparently visiting Ali during Halloween to celebrate the various California festivities. Ali looked very prepared to open her account, and she was also quite gorgeous!

The two banks, the primary one and the subsidiary bank inside the State Street bank building in California, a UBS bank, holds gold and money worth up to anywhere betwen $90 to $200 million on any given weekend. On the day of my robbery, which was a Saturday in October, the Halloween season, there must've been at least $250 million in gold and cash in the vaults of the two banks combined. I wanted to take a total of just a quarter of that amount, or $60 million.

Now, I don't consider myself a cowboy or some kind of movie-star, just waiting to be glorified by this robbery I was performing on that fateful day in October 2020. In fact, my Facebook photos, some of which are quite and indeed rather wild, indicate that I'm actually a sensitive young man, a US citizen from Algeria, and I like writers such as Kerouac and Stephen King, and I don't consider myself a radical or even a hippie or liberal. I consider myself a racer, pure and simple.

I drove to the State Street bank in California that robbery day in October, a bright and cool Saturday, in a stolen and painted Mercedes service van. I parked the van in the rear of the bank and walked in wearing a shirt and tie and holding a briefcase with my robbery gear and disguise. I walked into the bank and began opening an account, a private one, and then asked to be momentarily excused so I may use the bathroom. I pulled out my gear in my bathroom and assembled my self-assembling miniature pistol, the parts of which were hidden in the lining of my briefcase. I then put on my disguise, my head gear and sunglasses. I then walked out ready to perform my robbery, still mindful of the fact that the two celebrities, Ali Larter and Kate Middleton, were in the main room opening an account. My green Mercedes was still parked in the rear.

I think Princess Kate is a wonderful monarchy figure in the UK, and her appearance at the State Street bank on the day of my robbery was quite exciting. She was there by the side of her American girlfriend and actress Ali Larter, and I realized the two intended simply to have a happy banking experience that day, and I didn't want to shock or scare them into thinking otherwise. Therefore, I intended to make his robbery peaceful and easy for all participants.

I took my handheld gun and head-gear to the table where Ali and Kate were still negotiating Ali's new account and informed the people that I was taking the two celebrities hostage. I then asked to be escorted to the UBS secondary bank. I took the two young women as hostages with me, and we noticed the computing stations at the UBS center of the State Street bank. No one dared to set off any premature alarm, as I loudly announced that I simply didn't want any trouble, so there should be no reason this robbery wouldn't go off without a hitch and result in the nonviolent release of Ali Larter and Kate Middleton. That's why everyone simply cooperated, as I conducted my single-day robbery for which I allowed myself a total of 20 minutes maximum.

The disguise I was wearing was sufficient to hide my appearance and demeanor. In fact, the client executive who was initially helping me open my own private account when I walked in as a regular first-time customer simply didn't know where I vanished, especially since I left my signature briefcase in the bathroom after wiping it down to erase any fingerprints. I also left a note inside the briefcase which read, "I scared away the customer owner of this briefcase who was in the bank bathroom before disguising myself in the bathroom, allowing him sufficient time to quietly sneak out the bank of the bank!" As I performed this robbery, I made sure my two celebrity female hostages, American actress Ali Larter and English princess Kate Middleton, were very very comfortable and not frightened in any way. I even assured them I intended to just make this robbery a thing of clean efficiency and had no real interest in creating any kind of immature violence or even undue turbulence. Man, I was really at the top of my professional form that robbery day in October.

I fled the bank that day with about $40 million in cash, which was less than I originally wanted but totally sufficient for my daring deed that day at the State Street bank in California. I then went to LAX and took a Swiss Air first-class flight to the Virgin Island. I opened a tourism bar with an altered passport and name and named my island bar the Ostrich. I then invested most of my stolen money in Wall Street and NASDAQ, because, hey, I'm no terrorist. I'm not the adversary of capitalism. The newspapers read, "Customer frightened away in bathroom of State Street bank before robber commits heist with the help of two celebrity hostages." My Swiss Air flight to the Virgin Islands was beautiful.

ALI LARTER: "I had no idea what to expect from this daring and quite clever robber. He simply kept the peace with all the insiders of the bank and the security personnel and customers, while he treated me and my girlfriend Kate Middleton alarmingly like a gentleman. I heard this elusive robber walked away with like $40 million after scaring away a customer inside the bathroom before he himself stormed out in his disguise and holding his small hand-pistol. The thing I'll remember most about this very unusual October experience is that this eccentric and quite professional thief seemed to be thinking only about the dimensions of the heist, so I'm just relieved no one was harmed in any way. Boy, what a Halloween this might turn out to be, right, with all this Coronavirus quarantine trouble hanging in the background of our imagination, too!"

====

"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)