Craigslist Killer: The Royal Visit

Princess Geneva visits America to praise quarantine-time tech conveniences but is stalked by an evil criminal called the Night-Slasher.

Alright, here's one more vignette about Coronavirus-time prayers, and this one's about a Craigslist killer who unnerves our quarantine-time optimism about everyday daylight, so I hope all my friends read this last one and find it...d! Signing off,

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Princess Geneva from Europe traveled to America to learn more about American media and technology and the Internet. She was sent as a diplomat by her royal family to create some inspirational Coronavirus quarantine-time press about the conveniences of the modern world. Princess Geneva was very excited for this rather patriotic and humanitarian American mission.

Princess Geneva arrived in New York and was escorted to her private suite where she'd enjoy unlimited Internet access and therefore spent time on sites like Facebook, Twitter, Craigslist, and Bloomberg.com, learning about the amenities of modernity that made traffic and commerce so convenient and representative of new age intelligence. She reported to the press that she was learning about the grandeur of modern America and why the Internet facilitated so much lifestyle positivity.

While she was in New York, a NYPD officer named Jamie Darlington was tracking a ruthless and elusive Craigslist serial-killer calling himself the Night-Slasher. This serial-killer would lure people on Craigslist, pretending to be an average everyday furniture salesman, courtship ad guy, book buyer, and other activity identities. He'd then brutally murder the people he'd connect with on Craigslist. Officer Darlington was sure that the Night-Slasher would target Princess Geneva in Manhattan who'd already made multiple comments in the press and media about the conveniences of Craigslist. Officer Darlington decided to keep a watch over Princess Geneva.

Another Craigslist merchant and buyer named Isaac Satan was also surfing on the Net and using the modern conveniences of America during Princess Geneva's royal diplomatic Coronavirus quarantine-time visit. Isaac was a Craigslist regular and had on two times chatted online with Princess Geneva on Craigslist. It was this public exchange that caught the attention of the Night-Slasher who decided to trap Isaac and the princess together, killing two birds with one stone. Isaac was now a new target for the Night-Slasher. Isaac had no idea and continued his regular Craigslist activity and made a date to meet with Princess Geneva at a coffee-shop at night near her hotel after they commented in public together on Craigslist about this public meeting.

Isaac decided to bring to the coffee-shop his special hand-wrist double-shot ultra-bright laser-shot toy called the Shooter. He wanted to show off this modern toy to Princess Geneva since the two had become fast friends on Craigslist and promised the Craigslist community their TV meeting at the coffee shop would be a great exchange about the niftiness of modern tech and toys that made life in America seem much more like a playground. Of course, Princess Geneva and Isaac were both in their Coronavirus-precaution masks at the televised coffee shop meeting. However, the Night-Slasher showed up too, since it was after sunset. He rode by in a motorbike with a machine-gun, and Isaac quickly realized this and shined his double-laser shooting wrist Shooter right into the Night-Slasher's eyes, causing him to go temporarily blind and leading him to fall off his bike and causing his machine-gun to go off errantly on the ground. The cops and security rushed to the scene and arrested the Night-Slasher. Princess Geneva hugged Isaac and thanked him for using his laser-shooter incredibly!

Fortunately, NYPD officer Darlington was also at the televised night-time coffee-shop meeting, and when the Night-Slasher wrestled away from the cops while being wrestled into the arresting cop car, he ran into a nearby convenient store. The Night-Slasher pulled out his handy-dandy knife and grabbed the clerk and held him hostage. Officer Darlington walked into the convenient store after running behind the Night-Slasher after he fled the cops by the coffee-shop. The resourceful NYPD officer pulled out her pistol and shot the Night-Slasher in the head, recognizing that he was just about to slit the hostage-held clerk by the throat.

Everyone was relieved Princess Geneva was alright. NYPD Officer Darlington was commended for her heroic role in killing the wild Night-Slasher who'd already murdered over 30 people in the New York area, all people he'd connected with through Craigslist. Princess Geneva was given a special reward doll with ruby tiara for her incredible and harrowing adventure and since her Craigslist buddy Isaac had used a toy-laser to blind her attacked before the cops got to him. This ruby-tiara doll symbolized the princess's otherwise diplomatic message that the modern world of tech and toys should remind everyone of the spiritual amenities of modern-day civilization.

PRINCESS GENEVA: This has been such a great adventure and I was rescued not only once, by laser-shooting Isaac, but again by the heroic New York female cop Darlington, and I'll simply remember how this memory of Coronavirus-time courage was facilitated by everyday citizen and service-people patriotism, which is what I'll be writing in my diary back in my castle in Europe!

Before the princess departed for Europe, she decided to visit a children's recreation center which just reopened. The center was being cleaned up and allowing kids to come in with masks on to train for simple activities while continuing their home-education lifestyle. Soon, the recreation center would be back up to full working order, and hopefully, everyone would remember all the courage and patience people had during the Coronavirus quarantine in America.

ISAAC: I'm just glad Princess Geneva's safe and that my handy-dandy wrist-laser toy was used to thwart the deformed Night-Slasher, enabling Officer Darlington to finally take him down; I'll be a bigger Craigslist fan in America now than ever.

NIGHT-SLASHER: "Someday I'll kill a princess or royal visitor to America who's surfing on Craigslist in America, thinking that technology and the Internet are simply easy playgrounds to visit, because I have no intention to let America become a haven for modern imagination, be it on Craigslist or in a computer store."

OFFICER DARLINGTON: When we rid this country of demonic online criminals, the conveniences of America will feel much more like a haven for everyday dudes, and that's really the new American dream.

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)