US Bank Tower: The Coronavirus Folk-Tale

Three daring American neo-cowboys decide to rob a newly-constructed bank tower in LA during the Coronavirus quarantine tribulation to create some media dill!

Actually, I prefer to sign off again with this robbery parable meant to offer some light-hearted yet thrilling Coronavirus-time entertainment, since we could all use some simple melodrama, right? This last story was inspired by the dioramic movie 

The Bank Job 

and reflects my lifelong love of heist films. Thanks so much for reading (and God bless!),

DISCLAIMER: I do not in any way intend to glorify robbery or theft or crime, and this Coronavirus entertainment prayer is only meant to create general social interest in media/cinema use during this otherwise disheartening quarantine tribulation!

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The new US Bank Tower in LA was opened by an American and Japanese joint-venture during the great Coronavirus tribulation. The building promised efficient online banking and investment services during the quarantine experience around the world. Many touted the new Bank Tower skyscraper as the beacon of hope for this time of virus and quarantine. The American and Japanese companies who built the building together were hailed as pioneers of capitalism in the new millennium.

ISAAC SATAN: I intend to rob that darn Bank Tower, because I've discovered from insider sources that the skyscraper holds on any given Saturday at least $30 million in cash, and I'll recruit the very best allies for this media glorified task, so everyone knows that Coronavirus capitalism can be not only bureaucratic...but also folkloric!

JAMES NASH: I've been recruited by my buddy Isaac to help him rob this Bank Tower skyscraper in Los Angeles, and I understand there's possibly over $30 million in the vault, which is a great boon, since I'm looking to retire to the Virgin Islands, and this will be great press for the Coronavirus quarantine, and I feel like a cowboy again.

THOMAS HEWITT: I don't know how Isaac found me after all these years, since I'm a stockbroker in Los Angeles, but I know of the Bank Tower skyscraper and its impressive vault, and I'm impressed with Isaac's sense of media bravado, and I get the feeling this sort of achievement will remind people of the storied days of the Old Wild West, when cowboys expanded American horizons while generating cinematic drama, so this is the sort of risk this broker is willing to take!

The trio of daring bank robbers in LA decided to pull off a dash of cunning and recruited a rather popular movie actress named Tanya Roberts for this cool little robbery of the US Bank Tower. Tanya was to serve as some kind of media-PR distraction event while the robbery would take place, adding to Isaac's overall plan to make this robbery some kind of Coronavirus tribulation press statement about hope and unusual courage. Tanya was told by the robber-trio, calling itself the LA Three, that all she'd have to do is wear a mask once entering the tower for a media activity and complement their media stunt for Coronavirus press and that she'd be presented in Esquire magazine for this assistance, and since Thomas was a respected broker, she decided it was a really cool stunt and agreed to help the LA Three.

ISAAC: Here's the plan my boys. We walk in with Tanya with a gold briefcase. We present her to the Bank Tower executives using a television station camera we'll steal prior to the robbery. We present Tanya as a neo-cowgirl and inform the executives that we intend to stage a robbery with Tanya helping while we film every minute with the camera and then report this to the press as a daring statement about Coronavirus tribulation folklore. Cool?

The night before the robbery, Isaac took his motorcycle and rode to the US Bank Tower and broke in using a laser-device his engineer pal made him and then scrambled the skyscraper's computer security systems using a disc-implanted virus the same friend engineered for him. He paid his friend $3000 and told him not to worry about what this was all about. Isaac then rode out and performed the pre-robbery night maneuver for the following day's event.

When the LA Three walked into the US Bank Tower skyscraper with Tanya Roberts, the executives were thrilled by the entire media-spotlight PR-stunt. Tanya put on a ski-mask and said in front of the camera that James was holding, "As you can see, Coronavirus skyscrapers may be robbed in broad daylight." Meanwhile, Isaac and Thomas told the security guards to just escort them to the vault, and they used real silver handguns to feel more authoritative and look the part. The executive escorting everyone during the robbery told the guards to just do what the media company was saying and giggled!

While Tanya spoke into the recording TV-camera, which was actually not a live video-shoot, James and Isaac lifted $30 million from the opened vault room and placed the cash in their gold briefcase as Tanya reported to the camera, "Robbery was a thing for cowboys and now it's a thing for media doctors in Los Angeles!"

US BANK TOWER EXECUTIVE: "We had no idea this vault robbery was part of a media stunt to glorify this skyscraper's infrastructure and give everyone a sort of cowboy like folkloric feel meant to create some press excitement for quarantine endurance, since right now, everyone just wants some good old fashioned entertainment. Very cool."

The LA Three sent the recorded video of Tanya and the robbery to multiple TV networks and then fled to the Virgin Islands with the actual money they robbed that bright Saturday in LA. Isaac then sent a letter to the LA Times in which he wrote, "We've disappeared and the actress Tanya Roberts actually had no information or knowledge of our actual intentions. To achieve this media glory for Coronavirus-time entertainment, we had to actually perform the robbery itself, which is why we're keeping the $30 million in cash, which is all insured of course by the Japanese and American companies." Everyone was stunned, but ironically the media robbery actually did create some strange LA folklore and Coronavirus time entertainment. In fact, a comic book was generated to celebrate the overall symbolic gesture of what the LA Three actually accomplished.

TANYA ROBERTS: "I really did have no prior knowledge of what these media cowboys were doing, and now I understand there' some newly made toy cowboy-robber action-figures being generated in conjunction with a new Toy Story film that will praise the cultural value of this Coronavirus-time media 'adventure' of sorts, so it all ironically worked out like some kind of strange...comedy!"

Unfortunately, the LA Three Robbery as it came to be known inspired a more ruthless band of masked bandits in LA calling itself Red Hood to now rob banks all over the city and claim they were inspired by comic books, the ones similar to those being generated to celebrate the sociocultural significance of the Coronavirus-time media robbery already performed at the US Bank Tower. Now, the FBI issued the statement, "The US Bank Tower media event was ironically a tribulation-time nonviolent exercise in neo-cowboy irony, and we denounce this new Red Hood string of bank robberies which will only generate mass panic and urge all good quarantined citizens of Los Angeles to continue to follow standards and policies to help us all just simply get over this time of great fear and wonder."

Thomas Hewitt purchased a black shiny Lamborghini with his split of the stolen money. The LA Three changed their hair and appearance and even names and moved to the Virgin Islands where they lived quietly and enjoyed retirement as a modern-day cowboy team of glorified robbers. Hewitt claimed his Lamborghini was the crowning toast to what they'd managed to ironically do in this time of otherwise great depression!

ISAAC: I don't endorse continued robbery as a means to cure depression or energize society, since we don't live in the rugged and dangerous Wild West anymore, but I'm delighted that this Coronavirus robbery has managed to send the cool message that in times of great American trial, there seem to arise deviant cowboys who just manage to make dressing out of lemons. God bless America!

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)